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nuestlove12 's review for:
Confess
by Colleen Hoover
From my notes app as I read this installment of "the straights are NOT okay":
The dude's initials are legitimately O.M.G. and to make it worse, he and the lead girl share the exact same middle name. Spare me. The "coincidences" are so flimsy and contrived, my suspension of disbelief crumbles at the first sight of them
She has a child??? Out of nowhere?? BULL. I get that it's structured to be a *gasp* reveal for the audience, but come onnnn. She's supposed to be a loving and dedicated mother, but we go through practically half the book and she doesn't mention her son ONCE in that whole time, not even during her first person POV segments. Words fail me.
The detail of clutching a fist in front of their chest as a wordless symbol of their feelings is straight up stupid and it got stupider each time they did it.
Oh so this is another example of "the dude is a lowkey stalker who has seen the girl before and she has no idea she's been living rent-free in his mind for years before their first official meeting." Yippie. Can this tired trope die already?
These clowns have known each other for TWO. DAYS. And yet I'm expected to buy that this is a deep, meaningful, true love? Not that it's impossible to pull that off, just look at Titanic, but this is not even close to reaching that ballpark. And yes, that number goes up to a whole whopping SEVEN DAYS by the time the shower scene commences, but that is still (still!!) not an appropriate amount of time to decide if you're compatible with somebody, let alone their soulmate. Barf.
Riddle me this: if it was that easy, that quick and effortless for the girl to get custody of her son and put her MiL in place, then why did she wait until the very last second to do so? And she didn't even play the whole incriminating recording! What if she'd been faking it? The MiL just deflated and gave up on the spot, completely contradictory to her entire character up to that point. No arguments, no backlash, no threats, nada. Absolutely baffling, and made a potentially tense and high-stakes moment fall flat on its face.
It honestly feels like this segment of the "grand finale" was put on a rush order, like the rest of the book up to that point was a slow burn, taking its time, building up the plot threads, teasing the backstory one detail at a time--then those last few pages CH realized that her deadline was in 15 minutes so she scrambled to slap a bandaid on the ending and submitted it, regardless of the level of believability or whether it was a decent payoff or not. And that's the version that went to print.
The sheer level of literary gymnastics one must make in order to stuff all of these jagged pieces together and have the ending tied up in a nice neat bow, zero loose ends to be found, would be incredible if it wasn't so pathetic. The painting? The connection he had with Adam? The cop having an altercation with him in the hospital? The dad being "cured" thanks to one conversation with her? The son moving in with her? The PAINTING?? You must be out of your gd mind if you're swallowing this load of horse baloney.
I will give this nonsense a single point for its emphatic ACAB agenda, though. Aka the one aspect I could actually get on board with.
You know you've got a problem when DEXTER MORGAN THE SOCIOPATHIC SERIAL KILLER is more relatable than any of these characters. That sums it up as best as I can.
The dude's initials are legitimately O.M.G. and to make it worse, he and the lead girl share the exact same middle name. Spare me. The "coincidences" are so flimsy and contrived, my suspension of disbelief crumbles at the first sight of them
She has a child??? Out of nowhere?? BULL. I get that it's structured to be a *gasp* reveal for the audience, but come onnnn. She's supposed to be a loving and dedicated mother, but we go through practically half the book and she doesn't mention her son ONCE in that whole time, not even during her first person POV segments. Words fail me.
The detail of clutching a fist in front of their chest as a wordless symbol of their feelings is straight up stupid and it got stupider each time they did it.
Oh so this is another example of "the dude is a lowkey stalker who has seen the girl before and she has no idea she's been living rent-free in his mind for years before their first official meeting." Yippie. Can this tired trope die already?
These clowns have known each other for TWO. DAYS. And yet I'm expected to buy that this is a deep, meaningful, true love? Not that it's impossible to pull that off, just look at Titanic, but this is not even close to reaching that ballpark. And yes, that number goes up to a whole whopping SEVEN DAYS by the time the shower scene commences, but that is still (still!!) not an appropriate amount of time to decide if you're compatible with somebody, let alone their soulmate. Barf.
Riddle me this: if it was that easy, that quick and effortless for the girl to get custody of her son and put her MiL in place, then why did she wait until the very last second to do so? And she didn't even play the whole incriminating recording! What if she'd been faking it? The MiL just deflated and gave up on the spot, completely contradictory to her entire character up to that point. No arguments, no backlash, no threats, nada. Absolutely baffling, and made a potentially tense and high-stakes moment fall flat on its face.
It honestly feels like this segment of the "grand finale" was put on a rush order, like the rest of the book up to that point was a slow burn, taking its time, building up the plot threads, teasing the backstory one detail at a time--then those last few pages CH realized that her deadline was in 15 minutes so she scrambled to slap a bandaid on the ending and submitted it, regardless of the level of believability or whether it was a decent payoff or not. And that's the version that went to print.
The sheer level of literary gymnastics one must make in order to stuff all of these jagged pieces together and have the ending tied up in a nice neat bow, zero loose ends to be found, would be incredible if it wasn't so pathetic. The painting? The connection he had with Adam? The cop having an altercation with him in the hospital? The dad being "cured" thanks to one conversation with her? The son moving in with her? The PAINTING?? You must be out of your gd mind if you're swallowing this load of horse baloney.
I will give this nonsense a single point for its emphatic ACAB agenda, though. Aka the one aspect I could actually get on board with.
You know you've got a problem when DEXTER MORGAN THE SOCIOPATHIC SERIAL KILLER is more relatable than any of these characters. That sums it up as best as I can.