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A review by oomilyreads
How I'm Spending My Afterlife by Spencer Fleury
1.0
How I’m Spending My Afterlife written my Spencer Fleury
Attorney Alton Carver is under fed investigation for embezzlement & fraud. He stages his death but stays to watch his own wake & realizes his life wasn’t what he thought it was & people didn’t even like him. Well I didn't either. I was expecting some fun, dark humor which I found in a couple of places but overall this was a really unlikeable story with extremely repulsive characters. I didn’t even like the 4-yo kid that much. Alton & his wife Nicole are complete morons.
Moderate spoilers ahead. This story is told in alternating POV btw the halfwits Alton & Nicole. Alton never plans anything through & when I say NEVER, I mean never. The entire novel was him saying “fuck it, I’ll burn that bridge when I get there”. AKA He never has an entire thought before he does something. Instead of getting the hell out of Dodge, he stays 6 weeks in a nearby run-down motel & breaks into his house every few days to take a nap & drink coffee. He even draws a creepy mustache using….wait for it….AN EYELINER. An EYELINER? What the hell?
“Next time I stage my own death, I’m going to remember to set myself up with transportation first. And a disposable phone.”
Surprised you survived childhood.
A week after Nicole’s husband goes “missing”, she hosts a wake (who DOES this a week after?) & gets completely trashed & that’s when we meet her lover. She starts bringing him over sloppily with her 4 yo in the house. She is just the absolute WORST mother. Someone (Alton) is breaking into the house & she does nothing to catch him. She just keeps getting drunk & getting annoyed with her daughter’s “grief” for her daddy. I wanted to reach into the book & slap her in the face!
Alton kidnaps his daughter & Nicole reacts by having sex with her lover & drinking wine. Alton ends up abandoning his daughter AGAIN but this time at a random McDonald's bathroom! Where she's could have been kidnapped & killed. What an absolute POS! I wish they actually did end up at the bottom of the ocean. I simply don’t like stories where I think all the characters were dumbasses.
Attorney Alton Carver is under fed investigation for embezzlement & fraud. He stages his death but stays to watch his own wake & realizes his life wasn’t what he thought it was & people didn’t even like him. Well I didn't either. I was expecting some fun, dark humor which I found in a couple of places but overall this was a really unlikeable story with extremely repulsive characters. I didn’t even like the 4-yo kid that much. Alton & his wife Nicole are complete morons.
Moderate spoilers ahead. This story is told in alternating POV btw the halfwits Alton & Nicole. Alton never plans anything through & when I say NEVER, I mean never. The entire novel was him saying “fuck it, I’ll burn that bridge when I get there”. AKA He never has an entire thought before he does something. Instead of getting the hell out of Dodge, he stays 6 weeks in a nearby run-down motel & breaks into his house every few days to take a nap & drink coffee. He even draws a creepy mustache using….wait for it….AN EYELINER. An EYELINER? What the hell?
“Next time I stage my own death, I’m going to remember to set myself up with transportation first. And a disposable phone.”
Surprised you survived childhood.
A week after Nicole’s husband goes “missing”, she hosts a wake (who DOES this a week after?) & gets completely trashed & that’s when we meet her lover. She starts bringing him over sloppily with her 4 yo in the house. She is just the absolute WORST mother. Someone (Alton) is breaking into the house & she does nothing to catch him. She just keeps getting drunk & getting annoyed with her daughter’s “grief” for her daddy. I wanted to reach into the book & slap her in the face!
Alton kidnaps his daughter & Nicole reacts by having sex with her lover & drinking wine. Alton ends up abandoning his daughter AGAIN but this time at a random McDonald's bathroom! Where she's could have been kidnapped & killed. What an absolute POS! I wish they actually did end up at the bottom of the ocean. I simply don’t like stories where I think all the characters were dumbasses.