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A review by ciphertextx
A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest
1.0
This book gets like 1.5/5 and not 1/5 because while I found it to be hot garbage, I read the majority of it aloud to my friend and we got some giggles.
A Shade of Vampire is about 16-year-old Sofia Claremont (who turns 17 in the first few chapters of the book) and how her own stupid decisions lead to her abduction and subsequent "enslavement" by vampires. Who live in trees. A fact that I found hilarious when I read it in the summary and even funnier in the book itself. It's also about Derek Novak, a vampire who's been in a Vampire Coma for the past 400 years, and he's about to wake up. Literally every single character who knows Derek makes it clear to Sofia that Derek is a dangerous guy, not nice, generally a Baddie. Then he wakes up and he's actually pretty stand-up for the most part, but for the occasional perving on this minor and his twisted views regarding the value of a human, and the sexism. There's some prophecy regarding Derek being like a king or a prince of vampires or something - I can't quite remember because it had no bearing on the book whatsoever except to serve as a reason for Derek's brother to hate him, and thus we have our Main Villain.
Sofia was...dull. And stupid. And melodramatic. Also riddled with various Main Character problems such as Crazy/Abusive Mother Syndrome, and Absent Father Syndrome, and In Love With Her Best Friend Syndrome, and also she has crippling anxiety (which only cripples her when it suits the plot, which isn't very often).
Sofia's mother was kind of psychotic and used to abuse Sofia terribly whenever her father went away on business trips, which was a lot. Daddy Claremont caught on at some point and Camilla was sent away to a psychiatric hospital when Sofia was young, never to be seen or heard from again. Only spoken about occasionally when Sofia is being angsty about herself. Anyway, fast-forward a few years, Sofia is living with the Hudsons (because her dad is away on business SO much). There, Sofia's best friend Ben. Who is described several times as "handsome" and with a "muscular physique". Sofia is hardcore crushing on Ben, though I can't figure out why, because he's an asshole to her. It appears to be because A) he's hot, and B) he has this really clunky and awkward catchphrase he uses to spook her out of her anxiety attacks. This catchphrase is essentially telling Sofia her anxiety is stupid and her feelings aren't valid. I really love it when a guy aggressively tells me that when I'm having an anxiety attack :)
Sofia and the Hudsons go on vacation to Cancun, where Sofia is all "I should tell Ben I love him, but if I do my life could be RUINED". She goes for a really weird romantic walk on the beach with him, when one of his Blonde Bimbo Exes Wearing A Gold Bikini shows up randomly and just so happens to be staying at the same resort they are. And Ben totally blows Sofia off, even though it's obvious she's not happy, to go on some scuba diving trip with this Tanya for a few days. Sofia feels sorry for herself the whole time he's gone, then he comes back in the middle of the night and creeps into her room and is all "Sofia, I'm so sorry, I forgot it was your birthday today!" and she's like "it's okay" and is also still wearing her bikini which she slept in for some reason. Ben is like "No, it's not okay, I'd like to make it up to you."
And Sofia. Well, she fuckin' just RUNS out of the whole resort in the middle of the night because apparently she can't have a single mature conversation with anyone. She sprints all the way to the beach, floats in the water for a bit because there's nothing dangerous at all about what she's doing, but she has to be Dramatic. Then she comes to her senses and starts to head back to the resort.
Except she's kidnapped by this vampire called Lucas (Derek Novak's brother). He follows her and whispers in her ear and she's like "There's something off about this guy..." YOU DON'T SAY, SOFIA. She gets drugged and wakes up all chained to a wall (still in her bikini, this is important). And Lucas comes in to be creepy and grope her. QUOTE TIME. His hands eased out of my hair and away from my jaw before he began to grope my body in places no person other than myself had ever touched before. Really bizarre and almost childish way to describe a sexual assault.
Vivienne comes in (she's Lucas' and Derek's sister) to save Sofia, because Sofia is only for Derek! Derek wakes up from his Vampire Coma, and does something to Sofia that really SHOULD have snapped her spine, but it's whatever, the physiological inaccuracies are far from this book's biggest crime. Anyway, he's a total emo bastard, all "I didn't WANT to be a vampire" and "I don't WANT to hurt you Sofia!" Just Sofia though. Derek makes it a point several times throughout the book to tell us that it's only Sofia he doesn't want to drink from and hurt and rape. Everyone else is fair game. Fuck the girls he abused in the past, too. Sofia snaps Derek out of his "I WANT BLOOD" rage by giving him that awkward and clunky and downright unfair catchphrase Ben always said to her. And it works somehow.
Sofia goes to this treetop penthouse with Derek to live as part of his harem (he doesn't really ever interact with the other girls), and she immediately tries to escape. She's almost bitten and raped by two guards, but Derek jumps in to save her and is like "haha, silly girl, you cannot escape". She tries to escape again later, but Derek is on to her, and he...teaches her how to kill vampires...and arms her with not one, but THREE wooden stakes... And Sofia just doesn't ever attempt to use this against him. Which is weird, because given how she fought like some kind of martial arts master against those two vampires who tried to assault her, she could have easily killed Derek.
Somehow Derek and Sofia start to like each other. Not sure when that happened, but it did. And all the while, Lucas is in the background, being an absolute disgusting brute of a villain. I mean, he's a total paedophile, first of all, and he doesn't even hide the fact that he likes teenage girls. And he says really uncomfortable things, and I can't blame Sofia at all for being afraid of him. But then he sneaks into Sofia's room to grope her some more, threatens to take her away (which he has the opportunity to do RIGHT NOW) then he doesn't take her away. He DOES murder Gwen, another slave in the harem, to prove some kind of point to Sofia, but it just seemed like unnecessary drama. Could have killed Gwen and taken Sofia then and there, but no. We needed Flair first.
Right before the end of the book, Ben shows up again! Turns out he was kidnapped that night too, because he went out to look for Sofia (alone, like a dumbass) when she didn't come back to the resort. He was enslaved by this vampire called Claudia, and he really wasn't as lucky as Sofia. The book doesn't go into detail (doesn't even use explicit wording for any of this, which is weird 'cause if you're gonna write about dark topics, you should at least be able to actually SAY what they are instead of just implying heavily, but anyway). The book doesn't go into detail, but we gather from Ben that Claudia would physically torture him for fun, then force-feed him her blood so he would heal up and she could do it all over again. Also strongly hints at sexual abuse. Ben, understandably, does not share Sofia's warmth towards Derek or any of the other vampires she knows, even after Derek slyly forces Claudia to gift Ben to his harem so that Sofia can be with her friend. Fair play to him, though. Derek doesn't give a shit about Ben, nor does he even like him. It's all for Sofia's benefit. She's Special.
Sofia takes poor traumatised Ben (I'm not even being sarcastic there, poor Ben!) up to this special Sun Room she designed for Derek, and Ben is all "WE HAVE TO LEAVE, VAMPIRES BAD" and Sofia is like "NO, DEREK IS DIFFERENT, HE DOESN'T ABUSE ME IN ANY WAY". Then Lucas shows up and knocks Ben out and apparently "does everything to Sofia but rape her". I'm paraphrasing, because that word never comes up in the story ever even though it SHOULD. Again, Lucas proves he's not the smartest villain because he doesn't even take Sofia away, he just assaults her right there in Derek's house, so of course Derek shows up to save the day.
Except Sofia is like "NO, you cannot kill your brother!" just as Derek is about to do that very thing. She does this dramatic leap to protect her assailant with her boobies out too. I still have no idea what happened to Lucas. Must have missed it. Because as soon as Sofia jumps in front of him, he's never mentioned again. Won't spoil the actual ending because we really should leave SOMETHING to the imagination, eh? Just know that there are so many questions left unanswered, that should have been answered, sequel or not.
The writing was boring, and tell-y, not to mention really awkward and bulky sometimes. I left a note on a sentence in chapter 3, sick to death of being told every single thing repeatedly, that said "YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST TELL US THE ENDING AT THIS POINT." The portrayal of the anxiety was sometimes good, but then sometimes Sofia had the ability to get all hot and tingly because Ben touched her hand in the middle of a panic attack. When I'm in the middle of a panic attack, Aphrodite herself could manifest before me and try to seduce me, and I would be unaffected. Because anxiety is consuming. You don't have time to feel horny when you're panicking.
TLDR; my friend summarised it as "confusing, poorly paced, and trope-y". Some chapters were a single page long. We'd often have something happen, then in the next chapter we'd jump back to before that thing just to see it from another character's point of view.
Would have been a better book if Sofia had just killed Derek when she had the chance (Derek, who totally wants to die anyway, but that's a different issue). Or if anything about it had been good.
This book was an experience. Some people might enjoy it. I guess I did too. If it weren't for my friend listening to me read it, I'd never have finished the thing. Thanks to the person who recommended this to me for a laff. I'll have my revenge.
A Shade of Vampire is about 16-year-old Sofia Claremont (who turns 17 in the first few chapters of the book) and how her own stupid decisions lead to her abduction and subsequent "enslavement" by vampires. Who live in trees. A fact that I found hilarious when I read it in the summary and even funnier in the book itself. It's also about Derek Novak, a vampire who's been in a Vampire Coma for the past 400 years, and he's about to wake up. Literally every single character who knows Derek makes it clear to Sofia that Derek is a dangerous guy, not nice, generally a Baddie. Then he wakes up and he's actually pretty stand-up for the most part, but for the occasional perving on this minor and his twisted views regarding the value of a human, and the sexism. There's some prophecy regarding Derek being like a king or a prince of vampires or something - I can't quite remember because it had no bearing on the book whatsoever except to serve as a reason for Derek's brother to hate him, and thus we have our Main Villain.
Sofia was...dull. And stupid. And melodramatic. Also riddled with various Main Character problems such as Crazy/Abusive Mother Syndrome, and Absent Father Syndrome, and In Love With Her Best Friend Syndrome, and also she has crippling anxiety (which only cripples her when it suits the plot, which isn't very often).
Sofia's mother was kind of psychotic and used to abuse Sofia terribly whenever her father went away on business trips, which was a lot. Daddy Claremont caught on at some point and Camilla was sent away to a psychiatric hospital when Sofia was young, never to be seen or heard from again. Only spoken about occasionally when Sofia is being angsty about herself. Anyway, fast-forward a few years, Sofia is living with the Hudsons (because her dad is away on business SO much). There, Sofia's best friend Ben. Who is described several times as "handsome" and with a "muscular physique". Sofia is hardcore crushing on Ben, though I can't figure out why, because he's an asshole to her. It appears to be because A) he's hot, and B) he has this really clunky and awkward catchphrase he uses to spook her out of her anxiety attacks. This catchphrase is essentially telling Sofia her anxiety is stupid and her feelings aren't valid. I really love it when a guy aggressively tells me that when I'm having an anxiety attack :)
Sofia and the Hudsons go on vacation to Cancun, where Sofia is all "I should tell Ben I love him, but if I do my life could be RUINED". She goes for a really weird romantic walk on the beach with him, when one of his Blonde Bimbo Exes Wearing A Gold Bikini shows up randomly and just so happens to be staying at the same resort they are. And Ben totally blows Sofia off, even though it's obvious she's not happy, to go on some scuba diving trip with this Tanya for a few days. Sofia feels sorry for herself the whole time he's gone, then he comes back in the middle of the night and creeps into her room and is all "Sofia, I'm so sorry, I forgot it was your birthday today!" and she's like "it's okay" and is also still wearing her bikini which she slept in for some reason. Ben is like "No, it's not okay, I'd like to make it up to you."
And Sofia. Well, she fuckin' just RUNS out of the whole resort in the middle of the night because apparently she can't have a single mature conversation with anyone. She sprints all the way to the beach, floats in the water for a bit because there's nothing dangerous at all about what she's doing, but she has to be Dramatic. Then she comes to her senses and starts to head back to the resort.
Except she's kidnapped by this vampire called Lucas (Derek Novak's brother). He follows her and whispers in her ear and she's like "There's something off about this guy..." YOU DON'T SAY, SOFIA. She gets drugged and wakes up all chained to a wall (still in her bikini, this is important). And Lucas comes in to be creepy and grope her. QUOTE TIME. His hands eased out of my hair and away from my jaw before he began to grope my body in places no person other than myself had ever touched before. Really bizarre and almost childish way to describe a sexual assault.
Vivienne comes in (she's Lucas' and Derek's sister) to save Sofia, because Sofia is only for Derek! Derek wakes up from his Vampire Coma, and does something to Sofia that really SHOULD have snapped her spine, but it's whatever, the physiological inaccuracies are far from this book's biggest crime. Anyway, he's a total emo bastard, all "I didn't WANT to be a vampire" and "I don't WANT to hurt you Sofia!" Just Sofia though. Derek makes it a point several times throughout the book to tell us that it's only Sofia he doesn't want to drink from and hurt and rape. Everyone else is fair game. Fuck the girls he abused in the past, too. Sofia snaps Derek out of his "I WANT BLOOD" rage by giving him that awkward and clunky and downright unfair catchphrase Ben always said to her. And it works somehow.
Sofia goes to this treetop penthouse with Derek to live as part of his harem (he doesn't really ever interact with the other girls), and she immediately tries to escape. She's almost bitten and raped by two guards, but Derek jumps in to save her and is like "haha, silly girl, you cannot escape". She tries to escape again later, but Derek is on to her, and he...teaches her how to kill vampires...and arms her with not one, but THREE wooden stakes... And Sofia just doesn't ever attempt to use this against him. Which is weird, because given how she fought like some kind of martial arts master against those two vampires who tried to assault her, she could have easily killed Derek.
Somehow Derek and Sofia start to like each other. Not sure when that happened, but it did. And all the while, Lucas is in the background, being an absolute disgusting brute of a villain. I mean, he's a total paedophile, first of all, and he doesn't even hide the fact that he likes teenage girls. And he says really uncomfortable things, and I can't blame Sofia at all for being afraid of him. But then he sneaks into Sofia's room to grope her some more, threatens to take her away (which he has the opportunity to do RIGHT NOW) then he doesn't take her away. He DOES murder Gwen, another slave in the harem, to prove some kind of point to Sofia, but it just seemed like unnecessary drama. Could have killed Gwen and taken Sofia then and there, but no. We needed Flair first.
Right before the end of the book, Ben shows up again! Turns out he was kidnapped that night too, because he went out to look for Sofia (alone, like a dumbass) when she didn't come back to the resort. He was enslaved by this vampire called Claudia, and he really wasn't as lucky as Sofia. The book doesn't go into detail (doesn't even use explicit wording for any of this, which is weird 'cause if you're gonna write about dark topics, you should at least be able to actually SAY what they are instead of just implying heavily, but anyway). The book doesn't go into detail, but we gather from Ben that Claudia would physically torture him for fun, then force-feed him her blood so he would heal up and she could do it all over again. Also strongly hints at sexual abuse. Ben, understandably, does not share Sofia's warmth towards Derek or any of the other vampires she knows, even after Derek slyly forces Claudia to gift Ben to his harem so that Sofia can be with her friend. Fair play to him, though. Derek doesn't give a shit about Ben, nor does he even like him. It's all for Sofia's benefit. She's Special.
Sofia takes poor traumatised Ben (I'm not even being sarcastic there, poor Ben!) up to this special Sun Room she designed for Derek, and Ben is all "WE HAVE TO LEAVE, VAMPIRES BAD" and Sofia is like "NO, DEREK IS DIFFERENT, HE DOESN'T ABUSE ME IN ANY WAY". Then Lucas shows up and knocks Ben out and apparently "does everything to Sofia but rape her". I'm paraphrasing, because that word never comes up in the story ever even though it SHOULD. Again, Lucas proves he's not the smartest villain because he doesn't even take Sofia away, he just assaults her right there in Derek's house, so of course Derek shows up to save the day.
Except Sofia is like "NO, you cannot kill your brother!" just as Derek is about to do that very thing. She does this dramatic leap to protect her assailant with her boobies out too. I still have no idea what happened to Lucas. Must have missed it. Because as soon as Sofia jumps in front of him, he's never mentioned again. Won't spoil the actual ending because we really should leave SOMETHING to the imagination, eh? Just know that there are so many questions left unanswered, that should have been answered, sequel or not.
The writing was boring, and tell-y, not to mention really awkward and bulky sometimes. I left a note on a sentence in chapter 3, sick to death of being told every single thing repeatedly, that said "YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST TELL US THE ENDING AT THIS POINT." The portrayal of the anxiety was sometimes good, but then sometimes Sofia had the ability to get all hot and tingly because Ben touched her hand in the middle of a panic attack. When I'm in the middle of a panic attack, Aphrodite herself could manifest before me and try to seduce me, and I would be unaffected. Because anxiety is consuming. You don't have time to feel horny when you're panicking.
TLDR; my friend summarised it as "confusing, poorly paced, and trope-y". Some chapters were a single page long. We'd often have something happen, then in the next chapter we'd jump back to before that thing just to see it from another character's point of view.
Would have been a better book if Sofia had just killed Derek when she had the chance (Derek, who totally wants to die anyway, but that's a different issue). Or if anything about it had been good.
This book was an experience. Some people might enjoy it. I guess I did too. If it weren't for my friend listening to me read it, I'd never have finished the thing. Thanks to the person who recommended this to me for a laff. I'll have my revenge.