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A review by sheridacon
The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon
5.0
Warning: this is a long review!
What is normal, anyway? This is the theme of The Speed of Dark. Having a child with Asperger's/high-functioning autism, and also possessing many "Aspergian" qualities myself, I was fascinated by Moon's portrayal of Lou and his character development. Moon does the best job of any authors I have read who have attempted to characterize a person with autism. Even better than Mark Haddon's "The Curiosity of the Dog in the Nighttime" and certainly miles ahead of Jodi Piccoult's "House Rules" (which, by the way, is not a very good book and does a very poor job of portraying the mind of a young autistic boy.)
Lou has learned all the "rules" of fitting into society, and he performs most of them quite well, although uncomfortably. Yet he is constantly questioning things like why people say one thing when they mean another, and why is he considered the defective one when he has abilities that "normal" people don't have. Lou is very aware of his "quirks" and enjoys his own heightened sensitivities. Yet, he also struggles throughout the novel with how society has labeled him and views him as inferior, as disabled, as somehow less.
These are some of the same struggles I have in dealing with my son. I love his quirkiness, his odd way of viewing things. I wouldn't want to ever change those things about him. But I also have to help him, to teach him how to have successful relationships with other people, and to a certain degree, that means being able to conform to society's idea of "normal." How do I teach him to "be himself" and "celebrate his uniqueness" but at the same time help him to "fit in?" It's a dilemma, for sure. This novel was quite a philosophical read that really made me think.
Some quotes that I just love:
"God is supposed to be the good parent, the Father. So I think God would not make things harder than they are. I do not think I am autistic because God thought my parents needed a challenge or I needed a challenge. I think it is like if I were a baby and a rock fell on me and broke my leg. Whatever caused it was an accident. God did not prevent the accident, but He did not cause it, either."
"'It is the pattern of people who do not really believe we need supports and resent the supports. If I--if we--did worse, they would understand more. It is the combination of doing well and having the supports that upsets them. I am too normal--'I look back at Mr. Stacy; he is smiling and nodding. 'That is silly,' I say. 'I am not normal. Not now. Not ever.'"
"Everyone needs some regularity; everyone enjoys series and patterns to some degree. I have known that for years, but now I understand it better. We autistics are on one end of an arc of human behavior and preference, but we are connected. My feeling for Marjory is a normal feeling, not a weird feeling. Maybe I am more aware of the different colors in her hair or her eyes than someone else would be, but the desire to be close to her is a normal desire."
"What I have in my head is light and dark and gravity and space and swords and groceries and colors and numbers and people and patterns so beautiful I get shivers all over. I still do not know why I have those patterns and not others. The book answers questions other people have thought of. I have thought of questions they have not answered. I always thought my questions were wrong questions because no one else asked them. Maybe no one thought of them. Maybe darkness got there first. Maybe I am the first light touching a gulf of ignorance. Maybe my questions matter."
"Maybe God thinks I would be better if I weren't autistic. Maybe God wants me to take the treatment. I am cold suddenly. Here I have felt accepted--accepted by God, accepted by the priest and the people, or most of them. God does not spurn the blind, the deaf, the paralyzed, the crazy. That is what I have been taught and what I believe. What if I was wrong? What if God wants me to be something other than I am?" (This quote comes after Lou hears a sermon on the man at the pool of Siloam of whom Jesus asks, "Do you want to be healed?" This was for me the climax of the book.)
"Asking if I want to be healed is like asking if I want to like anchovies. I cannot imagine what liking anchovies would feel like, what taste they would have in my mouth. People who like anchovies tell me they taste good; people who are normal tell me being normal feels good. They cannot describe the taste or the feeling in a way that makes sense to me.
Do I need to be healed? Who does it hurt if I am not healed? Myself, but only if I feel bad the way I am, and I do not feel bad except when people say that I am not one of them, not normal. Supposedly autistic persons do not care what others think of them, but this is not true. I do care, and it hurts when people do not like me because I am autistic."
"'It is stupid,' Chuy says. 'Tell us to want to be normal, and then tell us to love ourselves as we are. If people want to change it means they do not like something about how they are now.'"
"I can feel myself relaxing. Trees do not care if I am normal or not. Rocks and moss do not care. They cannot tell the difference between one human and another. That is restful. I do not have to think about myself at all."
"Some of the articles said autistic persons are too sensitive to smells, but no one minds that in a dog or cat. . . some articles say that autistic persons are too sensitive to small sounds, but no one minds that in animals."
This was a great book. Maybe too personal. I just finished it and I'm not sure how I feel. Part of it makes me want to cry, but I'm not sure why. Five stars, for sure.
What is normal, anyway? This is the theme of The Speed of Dark. Having a child with Asperger's/high-functioning autism, and also possessing many "Aspergian" qualities myself, I was fascinated by Moon's portrayal of Lou and his character development. Moon does the best job of any authors I have read who have attempted to characterize a person with autism. Even better than Mark Haddon's "The Curiosity of the Dog in the Nighttime" and certainly miles ahead of Jodi Piccoult's "House Rules" (which, by the way, is not a very good book and does a very poor job of portraying the mind of a young autistic boy.)
Lou has learned all the "rules" of fitting into society, and he performs most of them quite well, although uncomfortably. Yet he is constantly questioning things like why people say one thing when they mean another, and why is he considered the defective one when he has abilities that "normal" people don't have. Lou is very aware of his "quirks" and enjoys his own heightened sensitivities. Yet, he also struggles throughout the novel with how society has labeled him and views him as inferior, as disabled, as somehow less.
These are some of the same struggles I have in dealing with my son. I love his quirkiness, his odd way of viewing things. I wouldn't want to ever change those things about him. But I also have to help him, to teach him how to have successful relationships with other people, and to a certain degree, that means being able to conform to society's idea of "normal." How do I teach him to "be himself" and "celebrate his uniqueness" but at the same time help him to "fit in?" It's a dilemma, for sure. This novel was quite a philosophical read that really made me think.
Some quotes that I just love:
"God is supposed to be the good parent, the Father. So I think God would not make things harder than they are. I do not think I am autistic because God thought my parents needed a challenge or I needed a challenge. I think it is like if I were a baby and a rock fell on me and broke my leg. Whatever caused it was an accident. God did not prevent the accident, but He did not cause it, either."
"'It is the pattern of people who do not really believe we need supports and resent the supports. If I--if we--did worse, they would understand more. It is the combination of doing well and having the supports that upsets them. I am too normal--'I look back at Mr. Stacy; he is smiling and nodding. 'That is silly,' I say. 'I am not normal. Not now. Not ever.'"
"Everyone needs some regularity; everyone enjoys series and patterns to some degree. I have known that for years, but now I understand it better. We autistics are on one end of an arc of human behavior and preference, but we are connected. My feeling for Marjory is a normal feeling, not a weird feeling. Maybe I am more aware of the different colors in her hair or her eyes than someone else would be, but the desire to be close to her is a normal desire."
"What I have in my head is light and dark and gravity and space and swords and groceries and colors and numbers and people and patterns so beautiful I get shivers all over. I still do not know why I have those patterns and not others. The book answers questions other people have thought of. I have thought of questions they have not answered. I always thought my questions were wrong questions because no one else asked them. Maybe no one thought of them. Maybe darkness got there first. Maybe I am the first light touching a gulf of ignorance. Maybe my questions matter."
"Maybe God thinks I would be better if I weren't autistic. Maybe God wants me to take the treatment. I am cold suddenly. Here I have felt accepted--accepted by God, accepted by the priest and the people, or most of them. God does not spurn the blind, the deaf, the paralyzed, the crazy. That is what I have been taught and what I believe. What if I was wrong? What if God wants me to be something other than I am?" (This quote comes after Lou hears a sermon on the man at the pool of Siloam of whom Jesus asks, "Do you want to be healed?" This was for me the climax of the book.)
"Asking if I want to be healed is like asking if I want to like anchovies. I cannot imagine what liking anchovies would feel like, what taste they would have in my mouth. People who like anchovies tell me they taste good; people who are normal tell me being normal feels good. They cannot describe the taste or the feeling in a way that makes sense to me.
Do I need to be healed? Who does it hurt if I am not healed? Myself, but only if I feel bad the way I am, and I do not feel bad except when people say that I am not one of them, not normal. Supposedly autistic persons do not care what others think of them, but this is not true. I do care, and it hurts when people do not like me because I am autistic."
"'It is stupid,' Chuy says. 'Tell us to want to be normal, and then tell us to love ourselves as we are. If people want to change it means they do not like something about how they are now.'"
"I can feel myself relaxing. Trees do not care if I am normal or not. Rocks and moss do not care. They cannot tell the difference between one human and another. That is restful. I do not have to think about myself at all."
"Some of the articles said autistic persons are too sensitive to smells, but no one minds that in a dog or cat. . . some articles say that autistic persons are too sensitive to small sounds, but no one minds that in animals."
This was a great book. Maybe too personal. I just finished it and I'm not sure how I feel. Part of it makes me want to cry, but I'm not sure why. Five stars, for sure.