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mirandadarrow 's review for:
It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too)
by Nora McInerny Purmort
I wanted to like this book more than I was able to. I wanted to draw inspiration and humor from a local author (we both live in Minnesota), a woman who has been through quite a bit and still maintains a sense of humor. I wanted to feel like the author and I could go have a beer and shoot the breeze some day. Maybe that will happen. Who knows. We both live in the Twin Cities.
But, I didn't connect with the material as much as I had hoped. I'm giving this memoir two stars because according to the official Goodreads scale, that means the book is "ok" but not something you necessarily like. I can't decide really if I "liked" it, so that usually means not really. I didn't hate it. I read the whole thing, in just a couple of days, so it wasn't a slog. Actually the author narrated her own audiobook and that did work well, so kudos for the audiobook.
My husband came into the room where I was working while listening to the audiobook and wondered who this whiney woman was and why was I listening to it. I hadn't up to that point really thought of her as whining, but after my husband mentioned that, I couldn't stop hearing her comments in a whining tone. Is she entitled to whine after everything she's been through? Sure. People whine a whole lot more about a whole lot less. Good grief, the recent news is littered with stories about groups of people protesting ludicrous things, declaring safe zones away from the thoughts of others. Barf. I actually connected with the author when she expressed frustration with friends of hers for complaining about minor ailments. Yes, that annoys me too. We are the same. I am with you. We are on the same team. Your kid having a runny noses are no reason for an hour long crying session about how hard your life is, let alone an entire blog post. Seriously, get a grip and pull on those big girl panties already.
But then she gives her flashbacks to her time in New York and how truly awful her frequent hangovers were. Um, wait a minute. You don't like people whining about minor things, but then you do it. Repeatedly. After telling us how annoying you find it.
Brain cancer is awful, and losing your husband at such a young age is unfair. Having a miscarriage around the same time, while also losing your dad, well, these are things that happen. To more people than not, I'd venture. People generally lose their parents, and as a parent, I can say that is preferable than parents losing their children. Yes, I get it, the husband brain cancer part was extremely harsh and unusual. But first trimester miscarriages and parental loss when you are an adult is hardly the road less traveled. The author sells the whole trifecta like it makes her the most tormented soul on earth since Lot himself.
I know I'm coming off like a complete ass. Yes, I'm an insensitive ass. I do feel for the author and what she went through in all three of these losses. But she does build herself and her loss into the ultimate of loss-dom; she has "won" the loss game. This is particularly grating when she is near the end of the book criticizing people who had offered her condolences by telling her about their own losses which she deemed much less important. Oh, your cousin's aunt died of brain cancer and you feel my pain. Come talk to me about my pain when you've lost YOUR DAD, YOUR EMBRYO, and YOUR HUSBAND all in the same year. Um, ok, nice way to handle ham-handed condolences.
But not nearly as dreadful as how she attacked a friend of her husband's who apologized to her at his funeral for not being around because he didn't know what to say. She lept down the guy's throat so badly that family members had to restrain her, because he hadn't come and told them "not right" things that she could then judge and hate them for. Wow. That sense of entitlement to the support and condolences that she felt she deserved put me off big time. Gosh I am glad I wasn't in their social circles, as I'm sure I couldn't have done it correctly and then would be punished for my pathetic efforts.
The capper was the fact that she, as a single mother, decides to just quit her job, and actually is able to do this. I've been a single mom. The thing you don't do is quit your job without another one lined up to start the very next day, because you have responsibilities. You need to have insurance and pay the mortgage. Or maybe you don't. But I did.
She acknowledges that it was a "privilege" to be able to do this. But, and this may have been more emphasized in audiobook, she did so in such a mocking tone in acknowledging this "privilege" (you could actually ear the air quotes) that you know she doesn't really have a clue what it would mean to not have this privilege. To have to pull yourself together for your child because it's actually on you. I'm happy that she has a great support network. That is a blessing for her and for her son. I guess I just wish she would have been a little more appreciative of it, of her mother and her siblings and those friends who brought food, and the fact that she could just quit her job and end up with a lucrative book deal when many, many talented writers I know (I'm not talking about myself here, I have friends who write) are struggling to find agents or publishers for their works. Yes folks, privilege is real. This was on par to Lean In levels of social blindness about the author's own privilege, despite the fact that she said the word.
Ok, I've ranted long enough. I don't regret reading the book, but I don't feel a strong affinity for it either. I'll probably get some heat for what a jerk I am, but the author can comfort herself with the financial rewards of a successful book.
But, I didn't connect with the material as much as I had hoped. I'm giving this memoir two stars because according to the official Goodreads scale, that means the book is "ok" but not something you necessarily like. I can't decide really if I "liked" it, so that usually means not really. I didn't hate it. I read the whole thing, in just a couple of days, so it wasn't a slog. Actually the author narrated her own audiobook and that did work well, so kudos for the audiobook.
My husband came into the room where I was working while listening to the audiobook and wondered who this whiney woman was and why was I listening to it. I hadn't up to that point really thought of her as whining, but after my husband mentioned that, I couldn't stop hearing her comments in a whining tone. Is she entitled to whine after everything she's been through? Sure. People whine a whole lot more about a whole lot less. Good grief, the recent news is littered with stories about groups of people protesting ludicrous things, declaring safe zones away from the thoughts of others. Barf. I actually connected with the author when she expressed frustration with friends of hers for complaining about minor ailments. Yes, that annoys me too. We are the same. I am with you. We are on the same team. Your kid having a runny noses are no reason for an hour long crying session about how hard your life is, let alone an entire blog post. Seriously, get a grip and pull on those big girl panties already.
But then she gives her flashbacks to her time in New York and how truly awful her frequent hangovers were. Um, wait a minute. You don't like people whining about minor things, but then you do it. Repeatedly. After telling us how annoying you find it.
Brain cancer is awful, and losing your husband at such a young age is unfair. Having a miscarriage around the same time, while also losing your dad, well, these are things that happen. To more people than not, I'd venture. People generally lose their parents, and as a parent, I can say that is preferable than parents losing their children. Yes, I get it, the husband brain cancer part was extremely harsh and unusual. But first trimester miscarriages and parental loss when you are an adult is hardly the road less traveled. The author sells the whole trifecta like it makes her the most tormented soul on earth since Lot himself.
I know I'm coming off like a complete ass. Yes, I'm an insensitive ass. I do feel for the author and what she went through in all three of these losses. But she does build herself and her loss into the ultimate of loss-dom; she has "won" the loss game. This is particularly grating when she is near the end of the book criticizing people who had offered her condolences by telling her about their own losses which she deemed much less important. Oh, your cousin's aunt died of brain cancer and you feel my pain. Come talk to me about my pain when you've lost YOUR DAD, YOUR EMBRYO, and YOUR HUSBAND all in the same year. Um, ok, nice way to handle ham-handed condolences.
But not nearly as dreadful as how she attacked a friend of her husband's who apologized to her at his funeral for not being around because he didn't know what to say. She lept down the guy's throat so badly that family members had to restrain her, because he hadn't come and told them "not right" things that she could then judge and hate them for. Wow. That sense of entitlement to the support and condolences that she felt she deserved put me off big time. Gosh I am glad I wasn't in their social circles, as I'm sure I couldn't have done it correctly and then would be punished for my pathetic efforts.
The capper was the fact that she, as a single mother, decides to just quit her job, and actually is able to do this. I've been a single mom. The thing you don't do is quit your job without another one lined up to start the very next day, because you have responsibilities. You need to have insurance and pay the mortgage. Or maybe you don't. But I did.
She acknowledges that it was a "privilege" to be able to do this. But, and this may have been more emphasized in audiobook, she did so in such a mocking tone in acknowledging this "privilege" (you could actually ear the air quotes) that you know she doesn't really have a clue what it would mean to not have this privilege. To have to pull yourself together for your child because it's actually on you. I'm happy that she has a great support network. That is a blessing for her and for her son. I guess I just wish she would have been a little more appreciative of it, of her mother and her siblings and those friends who brought food, and the fact that she could just quit her job and end up with a lucrative book deal when many, many talented writers I know (I'm not talking about myself here, I have friends who write) are struggling to find agents or publishers for their works. Yes folks, privilege is real. This was on par to Lean In levels of social blindness about the author's own privilege, despite the fact that she said the word.
Ok, I've ranted long enough. I don't regret reading the book, but I don't feel a strong affinity for it either. I'll probably get some heat for what a jerk I am, but the author can comfort herself with the financial rewards of a successful book.