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A review by cheyrivera
The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman
5.0
I don't remember how I stumbled upon this book, but it's been seating on my iBooks shelve for so long that I thought it was finally time to read it. It introduced me to many interesting topics that I had very little or no knowledge of (Stoics' philosophy, Buddhist religion) and it made me curious enough to want to find other books about those topics. But most importantly, it confirmed to me that negativity is not necessarily a bad thing.
The author begins talking about the backwards law: how when you try too hard to achieve something, you end up achieving the exact opposite (like trying to hard to be happy). He also quickly introduced the Stoics' idea of picturing the worst case scenario, to help you realize that it's not as bad as you thought. They also believe there are events in life that are out of our control, and the only thing we can control is how we feel about those events. According to them, that is the foundation of tranquility. To Buddhist, it's all about unattachment. We suffer because we are attached to emotions or thoughts; therefore we should think of our thoughts as the weather, knowing they are but clouds that will pass and that they don't need to affect our actions.
He also explains how setting very sharp goals can do more harm than good. We fear uncertainty, so we plan our future, how our life will turn out. He writes that we should learn to enjoy the present instead of focusing on setting goals and postponing your happiness until you meet those goals. If you don't want to miss your whole life, you need to be present in the now, because no moment is more important than this one.
When he introduced the ideas of Eckhart Tolle, I had a little trouble understanding what they meant. Specially the part where he explained that we are not our thoughts. At first I thought, "If we are not our thoughts, what are we?" I pondered that idea for the first time, and did a little reading on the matter (mainly looked up articles on Google) and finally came to somewhat understand the concept: Your thoughts are your own, but they do not describe you. You are the place where your thoughts come from. Even if that place isn't something you can easily grasp or see.
But one of the most illuminating ideas for me was when he explained that insecurity is another word for life. That impermanence is the nature of the universe. How could we, mere humans, ever hope to achieve security and stability, when the vast universe itself is forever changing, never the same? This idea helped me embrace insecurity. As the author puts it, "You can never succeed in achieving perfect security."
The ability to embrace failure is also discussed. To put it in a few words, embracing failure and being willing to lose will make you happy. The fact that sometimes we fail doesn't mean we are failures. He finishes the chapter with an excerpt from J.K Rowling's famous Harvard speech about how failing on an epic scale set her free. I happen to have the print edition of that speech in my room. The book is called "Very Good Lives". I re-read it, it took me but ten minutes, and there's a quote I think goes very well with this chapter:
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." -J.K Rowling
The last chapter is, without question, the most dark. It is about the fear of death, and how we should try to overcome it. And Epicurus gave a very logical reason why: "Why do you fear the eternal oblivion of death, if you don't look back with horror at the eternal oblivion before you were born - which, as far as you were concerned, was just as eternal, and just as much oblivion?"
However, that doesn't mean we should stop thinking death is a bad thing. Burkeman says: "We should understand death as something that there is no reason to fear, yet which is still bad because of what it brings to an end."
According to him, constantly reminding yourself of your own mortality will improve the possibility of living a life as fully and as deeply as possible.
In the epilogue, he encourages us to use this ideas as a toolkit from which tools can be borrowed as necessary. This isn't all or nothing. In fact, one of the main ideas of the negative path is that we shouldn't try too hard. We should embrace imperfection and ease up on the search for neat solutions. The happiness achieved through the negative path is one filled with not only positive but negative emotions as well, which makes it more difficult, but also more authentic.
The author begins talking about the backwards law: how when you try too hard to achieve something, you end up achieving the exact opposite (like trying to hard to be happy). He also quickly introduced the Stoics' idea of picturing the worst case scenario, to help you realize that it's not as bad as you thought. They also believe there are events in life that are out of our control, and the only thing we can control is how we feel about those events. According to them, that is the foundation of tranquility. To Buddhist, it's all about unattachment. We suffer because we are attached to emotions or thoughts; therefore we should think of our thoughts as the weather, knowing they are but clouds that will pass and that they don't need to affect our actions.
He also explains how setting very sharp goals can do more harm than good. We fear uncertainty, so we plan our future, how our life will turn out. He writes that we should learn to enjoy the present instead of focusing on setting goals and postponing your happiness until you meet those goals. If you don't want to miss your whole life, you need to be present in the now, because no moment is more important than this one.
When he introduced the ideas of Eckhart Tolle, I had a little trouble understanding what they meant. Specially the part where he explained that we are not our thoughts. At first I thought, "If we are not our thoughts, what are we?" I pondered that idea for the first time, and did a little reading on the matter (mainly looked up articles on Google) and finally came to somewhat understand the concept: Your thoughts are your own, but they do not describe you. You are the place where your thoughts come from. Even if that place isn't something you can easily grasp or see.
But one of the most illuminating ideas for me was when he explained that insecurity is another word for life. That impermanence is the nature of the universe. How could we, mere humans, ever hope to achieve security and stability, when the vast universe itself is forever changing, never the same? This idea helped me embrace insecurity. As the author puts it, "You can never succeed in achieving perfect security."
The ability to embrace failure is also discussed. To put it in a few words, embracing failure and being willing to lose will make you happy. The fact that sometimes we fail doesn't mean we are failures. He finishes the chapter with an excerpt from J.K Rowling's famous Harvard speech about how failing on an epic scale set her free. I happen to have the print edition of that speech in my room. The book is called "Very Good Lives". I re-read it, it took me but ten minutes, and there's a quote I think goes very well with this chapter:
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." -J.K Rowling
The last chapter is, without question, the most dark. It is about the fear of death, and how we should try to overcome it. And Epicurus gave a very logical reason why: "Why do you fear the eternal oblivion of death, if you don't look back with horror at the eternal oblivion before you were born - which, as far as you were concerned, was just as eternal, and just as much oblivion?"
However, that doesn't mean we should stop thinking death is a bad thing. Burkeman says: "We should understand death as something that there is no reason to fear, yet which is still bad because of what it brings to an end."
According to him, constantly reminding yourself of your own mortality will improve the possibility of living a life as fully and as deeply as possible.
In the epilogue, he encourages us to use this ideas as a toolkit from which tools can be borrowed as necessary. This isn't all or nothing. In fact, one of the main ideas of the negative path is that we shouldn't try too hard. We should embrace imperfection and ease up on the search for neat solutions. The happiness achieved through the negative path is one filled with not only positive but negative emotions as well, which makes it more difficult, but also more authentic.