A review by heyitsjude
Where Reasons End by Yiyun Li

4.0

Where Reasons End by Yiyun Li focuses on a mother who is grieving her son who committed suicide. Being an author, the mother confronts the pain she faces using her writing. She creates a space where she can reconnect with her son, Nikolai.

”Adjectives are my guilty pleasure, he said.
I know. You may have to supply me some, I said. Which one word, I wondered, would he come up with to describe my nowhere-ness? Then it occurred to me that he wouldn’t give me a word. No matter how much liberty I had taken in this world, I could not change the fact that I had made this meeting take place. It wasn’t his choice so he was limited by my ability. I had no words but sadness.”


It is in this space where the two are able to discuss the power and significance of various words. It seems as though words are what connects the mother and son. Throughout the book they debate about the usage of various words. The conversations in this book may come off as pointless to some, but the mundanity of their talks is what makes these scenes so special. The mother will never be able to converse with her son like this again. They discuss things like poetry and words like time and day stating that time is not the only place in which we live.

”Time is not the only place where we live, I said. Days are.
I don’t have to have days to live now.
And yet I have to live in days, I said.
I’m sorry, he said.”


This book doesn’t really have a plot. There’s no big climax and no high stakes. The place in where the story takes place isn’t even in a magical realm or some sort of Heaven. It’s within the mother’s mind. I think that the flow of this book aids in making it easier to process. At first, I wasn’t sure about this book. If you don’t like experimental writing I wouldn’t recommend this, but if you don’t mind. I would say to try reading this the writing is beautiful and full of so many quotes that almost made me cry.

“I love you so much but I can only love you as your mother. Sometimes a mother becomes the worst enemy because she can’t be the best friend.
I love you so so much too, he said. I wish I didn’t hurt you.”


”I wish you had made me an enemy, I said, rather than yourself. Mothers, I thought, would be perfect for that role.
You can’t be that for me, Mommy, Nikolai said. I’ve found a perfect enemy in myself.”


These are a few of the excerpts that stood out to me the most. I highlighted so many lines but I don’t want to spoil any more of them.

This is a work of fiction but I do know that the author herself also lost her sixteen year old son to suicide. This book might have been a cathartic process for her. It is a beautiful but heartbreaking book. I really liked this book. For me, it was nice to see the other side, or the parents perspective of when a child commits suicide. I’ve read many books about the child in the situation. The ones who can no longer bear the burden that is life. But I’ve never read about the loss. How deeply a parent is affected by the vacancy left by the child. It was eye opening for me.