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A review by marissalobot
Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape by Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman
5.0
I'm sure everyone who has read this book will say this: I learnt so much from this book. It's an incredibly rich collection of essays encompassing so many different aspects of rape culture - I couldn't not give this 5 stars.
The most shocking thing about this book is the fact that I didn't learn an ounce of this at school.
I've been exploring feminism since the age of 16 or so, and I like to think that my opinions and thoughts have become more developed since then. Even so, there were still so many things included in this book that I had not thought about before. The main ones that come to mind: when reading An Immodest Proposal, the scenario of a straight couple's consensual first time seemed both normal and reasonable to me. It seems the common situation that I, and many others, went through, where the guy is the main proponent but the girl does agree. It was only at the end when the author points out the missing ingredient in this story, and in many other people's story: the woman's desire. Another thing I had never thought about: for a rape victim, their level of sobriety or drunkenness is always called into question - but the same is rarely done for the rapist.
This book made me realise how moulded our brains are to put male pleasure above women's, to be embarrassed or scared to ask for women's pleasure to be respected, to put heterosexual relationships above others, to stereotype different races' sexual characters, to overly value virginity, and so many other things.
I can already think of a handful of people I would like to pass this book on to, but really, I shouldn't hesitate to implore anyone to read this book.
An interesting last thought was people's reactions to me reading this book. I would be sat in my shared university kitchen, and someone would come in and casually ask what I was reading. I would say the title and give a brief summary from the blurb and say how much I was enjoying it. The usual reaction from my male flatmates would be "oh wow, that seems a heavy book" or "that seems very academic". This was interesting, but did also make my blood boil, because it's this denial of applicability and ignorance to the fact that fighting rape culture needs to be a joint effort that is perpetuating it.
So yes, I will be passing this book on to a friend, and encouraging that friend to continue passing it on.
The most shocking thing about this book is the fact that I didn't learn an ounce of this at school.
I've been exploring feminism since the age of 16 or so, and I like to think that my opinions and thoughts have become more developed since then. Even so, there were still so many things included in this book that I had not thought about before. The main ones that come to mind: when reading An Immodest Proposal, the scenario of a straight couple's consensual first time seemed both normal and reasonable to me. It seems the common situation that I, and many others, went through, where the guy is the main proponent but the girl does agree. It was only at the end when the author points out the missing ingredient in this story, and in many other people's story: the woman's desire. Another thing I had never thought about: for a rape victim, their level of sobriety or drunkenness is always called into question - but the same is rarely done for the rapist.
This book made me realise how moulded our brains are to put male pleasure above women's, to be embarrassed or scared to ask for women's pleasure to be respected, to put heterosexual relationships above others, to stereotype different races' sexual characters, to overly value virginity, and so many other things.
I can already think of a handful of people I would like to pass this book on to, but really, I shouldn't hesitate to implore anyone to read this book.
An interesting last thought was people's reactions to me reading this book. I would be sat in my shared university kitchen, and someone would come in and casually ask what I was reading. I would say the title and give a brief summary from the blurb and say how much I was enjoying it. The usual reaction from my male flatmates would be "oh wow, that seems a heavy book" or "that seems very academic". This was interesting, but did also make my blood boil, because it's this denial of applicability and ignorance to the fact that fighting rape culture needs to be a joint effort that is perpetuating it.
So yes, I will be passing this book on to a friend, and encouraging that friend to continue passing it on.