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A review by madeline
Finding Normal: Sex, Love, and Taboo in Our Hyperconnected World by Alexa Tsoulis-Reay
slow-paced
2.0
CW: sexual activity, non-monogamy, incest, bestiality
This book is grounded in a series of columns the author wrote for New York Magazine exploring human behavior, particularly people in unconventional, uncommon, or taboo sexual or romantic relationships. Tsoulis-Reay expands on those columns, sometimes revisiting the people featured or detailing more about her experiences writing them. It's meant to showcase the ways in which people connect and find community, and while she certainly proves people can find an in-group for almost anything, I'm not sure that she really succeeds at endearing some of these characters to us anymore.
There are five (quite long) chapters -- consensual non-monogamy, age-gap relationships, asexuality/aromanticism, genetic sexual attraction, and bestiality. Clearly some of these relationships are more taboo than others, and Tsoulis-Reay does her best to present the content without a lot of judgment. But it still feels like we're less hearing their stories and more hearing her experience of the people she interviewed. She's a clear intermediary between the reader and the subjects, and I just don't think it really works.
A huge strong point for the book is the work Tsoulis-Reay did in investigating the origins of the online communities where these groups of people started to connect with each other. As someone who spent a lot of time on Tumblr in the 2000s and early 2010s, I remember watching people gain the vocabulary they needed to identify themselves there, and I understand the power of an online group of friends who make you feel like whatever you're feeling is normal. The parts where she's talking about the early Internet (and even activists who came before it) were the most interesting to me.
This book wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, and it's not one I'd recommend to everyone. But for those interested in the history of community-building online, this could be a really good fit.
Thank you St. Martins and NetGalley for the ARC!
This book is grounded in a series of columns the author wrote for New York Magazine exploring human behavior, particularly people in unconventional, uncommon, or taboo sexual or romantic relationships. Tsoulis-Reay expands on those columns, sometimes revisiting the people featured or detailing more about her experiences writing them. It's meant to showcase the ways in which people connect and find community, and while she certainly proves people can find an in-group for almost anything, I'm not sure that she really succeeds at endearing some of these characters to us anymore.
There are five (quite long) chapters -- consensual non-monogamy, age-gap relationships, asexuality/aromanticism, genetic sexual attraction, and bestiality. Clearly some of these relationships are more taboo than others, and Tsoulis-Reay does her best to present the content without a lot of judgment. But it still feels like we're less hearing their stories and more hearing her experience of the people she interviewed. She's a clear intermediary between the reader and the subjects, and I just don't think it really works.
A huge strong point for the book is the work Tsoulis-Reay did in investigating the origins of the online communities where these groups of people started to connect with each other. As someone who spent a lot of time on Tumblr in the 2000s and early 2010s, I remember watching people gain the vocabulary they needed to identify themselves there, and I understand the power of an online group of friends who make you feel like whatever you're feeling is normal. The parts where she's talking about the early Internet (and even activists who came before it) were the most interesting to me.
This book wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, and it's not one I'd recommend to everyone. But for those interested in the history of community-building online, this could be a really good fit.
Thank you St. Martins and NetGalley for the ARC!