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A review by expendablemudge
The Old Guard: Force Multiplied #1 by Leandro Fernández, Greg Rucka
3.0
Real Rating: 2.5* of five
So I've watched The Old Guard and was whelmed. Decent little boom-blam-bang too-long but pretty piece of stupidity. The vaunted gay representation is, to put it mildly, pale and weak-kneed, delivered by actors devoid of any discernible chemistry. This apparently big-deal scene goes like this: An actor I've never heard of delivers a sentimental speech *about*, not even to, another actor I've never heard of and they share a totally faked (or carefully digitally obscured) kiss for ~10sec before being forcibly separated by brutal assholes for absolutely no logical reason. They're RESTRAINED in the back of an armored vehicle! They can't touch each other! They're fucking immortal, so why is the Arab guy even worried about the Italian guy in the first place?!
Go, Hollywood. Way to do it. *snort*
The moral bankruptcy of the capitalist shitheel Dudley Dursley plays, evidenced from the first by the planned murder of some violent murderers, was as expected...the film's anti-capitalist message is very agreeable to me...but it also makes Chiwetel Ejiofor's character into irredeemable scum for participating in it. Arguably he enters into an atonement spiral by the end but the planned and thus sanctioned killing of a dozen (admittedly violent and murderous) men really negates any possession of high ground for this character to return to. Also, is this really the best moment to spread a doctors-are-all-Mengele-at-heart message? AND be anti-gene-manipulation since that's most likely the best way forward out of COVID Crisis-land?
Charlize Theron's part here is to be tough and repressedly furious. Job done.
The young Black actress is fine in her role, whatever it may be. I really couldn't tell you how she became a badass supersoldier since she started out as a regular ol' Marine...nothing was made of her previous specialness. At least she gets with the supersoldiery program in record time, apparently intuiting what her role in the team is and what exactly she should do in a given situation without more than a nod and a wink! Just amazing, that.
And she's set up to be The Boss after Charlize eventually dies (there's a story, don't sweat it since it's arbitrary and unexplained, as to her loss of immortality)...despite the two gay guys being A LITERAL THOUSAND YEARS more experienced than she is. Mm. Because the straight guy who's two hundred years more experienced than she is isn't leadership material? Mm.
If anyone ever wonders why I don't like comic books and/or their movies, this is the short version. I don't like the fascist Übermensch tones of superheroes; I don't care what color their skin is, what plumbing they sport, or the nature of their private sexual peccadilloes. It is inherent in the genre, this illiberal message, and it never won't bother me. I don't want to count the corpses that need burying/burning/exposure to the vultures; these are humans with families, mothers and fathers, and not every one of them can be unloved. Yes, yes, I know I'm not supposed to think about that. I do anyway, and it makes this sort of film/comic deeply distasteful to me.
And yes, the books built on similar lines as well as the damn near ubiquitous trope of women as rape objects and children as props to be harmed are off my plate as well these past several years. (I've always felt this way about animals.) I don't want to read this stuff; I don't want to watch this stuff. In my mind, this is part of the culture that makes #MeToo and #BlackLivesMatter as well as the endless, underreported violence against QUILTBAG people, normalized background noise.
I dissent; I decline to participate.
ETA This backstory-filling "featurette" (horrible word, up there with "novelette" ptui) explains some stuff. Knowing the French guy's history makes me feel more like the situation leading to the whole film shoulda been seen coming by people with such enormous experience of human nature.
So I've watched The Old Guard and was whelmed. Decent little boom-blam-bang too-long but pretty piece of stupidity. The vaunted gay representation is, to put it mildly, pale and weak-kneed, delivered by actors devoid of any discernible chemistry. This apparently big-deal scene goes like this: An actor I've never heard of delivers a sentimental speech *about*, not even to, another actor I've never heard of and they share a totally faked (or carefully digitally obscured) kiss for ~10sec before being forcibly separated by brutal assholes for absolutely no logical reason. They're RESTRAINED in the back of an armored vehicle! They can't touch each other! They're fucking immortal, so why is the Arab guy even worried about the Italian guy in the first place?!
Go, Hollywood. Way to do it. *snort*
The moral bankruptcy of the capitalist shitheel Dudley Dursley plays, evidenced from the first by the planned murder of some violent murderers, was as expected...the film's anti-capitalist message is very agreeable to me...but it also makes Chiwetel Ejiofor's character into irredeemable scum for participating in it. Arguably he enters into an atonement spiral by the end but the planned and thus sanctioned killing of a dozen (admittedly violent and murderous) men really negates any possession of high ground for this character to return to. Also, is this really the best moment to spread a doctors-are-all-Mengele-at-heart message? AND be anti-gene-manipulation since that's most likely the best way forward out of COVID Crisis-land?
Charlize Theron's part here is to be tough and repressedly furious. Job done.
The young Black actress is fine in her role, whatever it may be. I really couldn't tell you how she became a badass supersoldier since she started out as a regular ol' Marine...nothing was made of her previous specialness. At least she gets with the supersoldiery program in record time, apparently intuiting what her role in the team is and what exactly she should do in a given situation without more than a nod and a wink! Just amazing, that.
And she's set up to be The Boss after Charlize eventually dies (there's a story, don't sweat it since it's arbitrary and unexplained, as to her loss of immortality)...despite the two gay guys being A LITERAL THOUSAND YEARS more experienced than she is. Mm. Because the straight guy who's two hundred years more experienced than she is isn't leadership material? Mm.
If anyone ever wonders why I don't like comic books and/or their movies, this is the short version. I don't like the fascist Übermensch tones of superheroes; I don't care what color their skin is, what plumbing they sport, or the nature of their private sexual peccadilloes. It is inherent in the genre, this illiberal message, and it never won't bother me. I don't want to count the corpses that need burying/burning/exposure to the vultures; these are humans with families, mothers and fathers, and not every one of them can be unloved. Yes, yes, I know I'm not supposed to think about that. I do anyway, and it makes this sort of film/comic deeply distasteful to me.
And yes, the books built on similar lines as well as the damn near ubiquitous trope of women as rape objects and children as props to be harmed are off my plate as well these past several years. (I've always felt this way about animals.) I don't want to read this stuff; I don't want to watch this stuff. In my mind, this is part of the culture that makes #MeToo and #BlackLivesMatter as well as the endless, underreported violence against QUILTBAG people, normalized background noise.
I dissent; I decline to participate.
ETA This backstory-filling "featurette" (horrible word, up there with "novelette" ptui) explains some stuff. Knowing the French guy's history makes me feel more like the situation leading to the whole film shoulda been seen coming by people with such enormous experience of human nature.