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DID NOT FINISH: 18%

DNF @ pg. 39

I wanted quirky fun, but what I got was 39 pages of paralysis, complaining, and contradictions. The MC is 39 years old but whines like a teen, loses 25 lbs in four days, has a tan as a vampire, and somehow hasn’t peed in four days? Make it make sense.

She mentions orgies before we even get to the plot, throws around the word “OCD” like it’s a vibe, and keeps contradicting herself mid-thought. “It was heavenly, but it wasn’t right, and I threw up?” — what even is that sentence?

If becoming a vampire somehow forces her to be vegan, I’m out. Oh wait… I already am.