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A review by suey_library
Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture--And What We Can Do about It by Kate Harding
5.0
It took me a while to figure out in words what I wanted to write with this review, not for any other reason then that I have a lot of words and feelings for so much of everything after listening to Asking For It by Kate Harding. I have always considered myself a feminist, not a 'man hating woman' stereotype but that I stand firm in my beliefs in equal rights regardless of gender and when this title came across my recommendations I did not hesitate for a second to snag it. But it wasn't until a particular moment that happened did I decide to type this up - mostly because I am still reeling from it. It was actually when recently I was out hanging with my family (my more conservative family) when my mother spotted a young lady who was more than likely in her late teens wearing a skirt, my mother deadpanned said: 'I know ladies aren't just asking for it but to walk out of your house dressed like that you are just labeling yourself a slut. Cannot believe her mother let her walk out of the house like that.' I stopped dead in my tracks and replied with 'Why? If she feels comfortable and gorgeous why can't she wear what she wants?'; as I am sure you might get the feeling where this conversation went without more details it ended with me asking my mother simply, Why is it her responsibility to be worried about distracted a boy or being rapped simply because of what she is wearing? I was left with a rude response from my mother not clearly understanding that her opinion is flawed. It also reminded me of the many times that even at 35, my mother will still comment about how I am not wearing enough clothes to cover up. So fair warning, my review may be a slight rant...
Obviously I won't make this a huge essay, but I think in all honesty what I enjoyed about this read was how Harding gripped me within the first seconds of starting this audiobook. She made it so human and real, it was as if we were sitting at a lunch date chatting about things that piss us off. The book is ultimately split into parts; myths and stereotypes of rape, what we can do to change, politics and detailed examples. Parts that made me utterly stop in my tracks was the mention of how as women we are trained at a young age to do this or that to stay safe, if we are assaulted then maybe we did something wrong, and if we are married than that is consent enough for our partner to walk us up to have sex, we give consent with our eyes or that is wasn't rape if you enjoyed it. Have you ever noticed how many women stop right before they walk out of a store to grab their car keys? Yeah, we do that because we were groomed to do so as if that would make us safer from a predator. I sat there nodding my head only to say to myself, holy fuck.
It is insane to me how Harding hit the nail on the head with everything. Literally, I do believe she was in my head, mouth dropped every time a new sentence was read. I also enjoyed the politic ties, the reasons why most victims of rape do not report it and even down to why most defense attorneys won't take a case to a judge. I was appalled, horrified and yet not surprised in the least. I mean, think about it for a second, how many times were you in a situation where after whatever happened you didn't ultimately blame yourself for, because again this is how we are groomed. It is earth shattering.
Overall, I enjoyed this. I enjoyed it in so many ways that made me think of things I had never really thought of, the stigma that is still very much alive in our everyday routines. The conversations we have even with our own family members, still walking down the street following the cardinal rules that I cannot be distracted, don't dress in too revealing of outfits. These things happen to us every day. And though I am use to arguing with my mother of these types of topics, her simply judging another woman for wearing something she would not, but it was hearing her physically say what she did about 'asking for it'; that is one hundred percent not okay. Anyone who interested in social movement or feminist type reads, I highly recommend this book. Kate Harding's writing style is like she is having a causal conversation with you, giving details, examples, debates. It was riveting, powerful, mind-blowing and beyond insightful.
Obviously I won't make this a huge essay, but I think in all honesty what I enjoyed about this read was how Harding gripped me within the first seconds of starting this audiobook. She made it so human and real, it was as if we were sitting at a lunch date chatting about things that piss us off. The book is ultimately split into parts; myths and stereotypes of rape, what we can do to change, politics and detailed examples. Parts that made me utterly stop in my tracks was the mention of how as women we are trained at a young age to do this or that to stay safe, if we are assaulted then maybe we did something wrong, and if we are married than that is consent enough for our partner to walk us up to have sex, we give consent with our eyes or that is wasn't rape if you enjoyed it. Have you ever noticed how many women stop right before they walk out of a store to grab their car keys? Yeah, we do that because we were groomed to do so as if that would make us safer from a predator. I sat there nodding my head only to say to myself, holy fuck.
It is insane to me how Harding hit the nail on the head with everything. Literally, I do believe she was in my head, mouth dropped every time a new sentence was read. I also enjoyed the politic ties, the reasons why most victims of rape do not report it and even down to why most defense attorneys won't take a case to a judge. I was appalled, horrified and yet not surprised in the least. I mean, think about it for a second, how many times were you in a situation where after whatever happened you didn't ultimately blame yourself for, because again this is how we are groomed. It is earth shattering.
Overall, I enjoyed this. I enjoyed it in so many ways that made me think of things I had never really thought of, the stigma that is still very much alive in our everyday routines. The conversations we have even with our own family members, still walking down the street following the cardinal rules that I cannot be distracted, don't dress in too revealing of outfits. These things happen to us every day. And though I am use to arguing with my mother of these types of topics, her simply judging another woman for wearing something she would not, but it was hearing her physically say what she did about 'asking for it'; that is one hundred percent not okay. Anyone who interested in social movement or feminist type reads, I highly recommend this book. Kate Harding's writing style is like she is having a causal conversation with you, giving details, examples, debates. It was riveting, powerful, mind-blowing and beyond insightful.