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A review by traingirl24
I'm Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya
3.0
Ouf that was a rough listen. Would not recommend it if you’re feeling especially dysphoric cause there’s a lot of trauma and it’ll mess you up for a while. One day I’ll learn to not stoke the anxiety flames while spiralling, but apparently, today is not that day.
But if you are in a decent place, it’s a powerfully written essay. Speaking to the constant fear of basically everyone and everything when you are trans. How misogyny, transphobia, or violence can come from anyone, even in queer spaces that are supposed to be safe.
The bit about also being afraid of the ‘man’ you used to be was pretty poignant. When you’ve experienced the fear of transmisogyny, the thought that you could hurt someone else the same way and that you continue to strike that fear into others when presenting as male in public is unbearable. You can’t even retreat inside yourself to feel safe because you’re just as dangerous to be around.
I feel like the question that’s asked when you read things like this as a trans woman is how to move on and live life with these fears and dangers. It’s tempting to try to convince yourself that it couldn’t happen to you, that you’re just catastrophizing, but it’s not. There are real dangers out there and a lot of the world isn’t safe for trans people. I don’t have an answer, it’s probably more of a continual process than any one thing, acknowledging the dangers and taking steps to mitigate/avoid the worst while making space for joy in your life, but it is important work to do.
But if you are in a decent place, it’s a powerfully written essay. Speaking to the constant fear of basically everyone and everything when you are trans. How misogyny, transphobia, or violence can come from anyone, even in queer spaces that are supposed to be safe.
The bit about also being afraid of the ‘man’ you used to be was pretty poignant. When you’ve experienced the fear of transmisogyny, the thought that you could hurt someone else the same way and that you continue to strike that fear into others when presenting as male in public is unbearable. You can’t even retreat inside yourself to feel safe because you’re just as dangerous to be around.
I feel like the question that’s asked when you read things like this as a trans woman is how to move on and live life with these fears and dangers. It’s tempting to try to convince yourself that it couldn’t happen to you, that you’re just catastrophizing, but it’s not. There are real dangers out there and a lot of the world isn’t safe for trans people. I don’t have an answer, it’s probably more of a continual process than any one thing, acknowledging the dangers and taking steps to mitigate/avoid the worst while making space for joy in your life, but it is important work to do.