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A review by cassddms
Firsts by L.E. Flynn
3.0
I promise you, I did not expect to like this book.
Mercedes Ayers has lived a life where she saw the backs of the people she knew more than she saw their front. Everyone has left or let her down at some point. At seventeen years old, she has taken on what she sees as some kind of duty to rid guys of the dreaded, awkward first time. She has developed an open-door policy to make sure that these guys go into their “first” time with experience, treating the girl they’re with properly and giving them the perfect first time. She does this so that these girls have a memorable night, and not a terrible one like Mercedes had.
The only other thing she asks is a vow of secrecy. They get some tips and experience just as long as they don’t tell. But somehow this pay it forward has gone much further than she anticipated, and it has started getting messy. Someone she least expects asks her for help but when she refuses, he plays dirty.
Following Mercedes life, we see her strained relationships and wonder what it is that really started this disaster that she sees her life turning into. Her mother is barely a mother – so much that she refers to her as Kim instead of mom. Angela, her best friend, is super religious and is dating Zach, who is also religious. The three go to a prayer group, although Mercy is doing it more for her friend’s sake.
Okay, I want to start off by repeating that I didn’t expect to like this book. I thought the storyline was sketchy and just a nicer way of saying she was helping people cheat. I still kind of think that as well, because it began to get really complicated towards the end. Mercedes had a plan and her plan was beginning to cave in as she continued to carry on with these endeavors. I saw each one as a cry for help, a way to get her absentee mother to open her damn eyes and acknowledge that her daughter was spiraling. She HAD SEX WITH HER MOM IN THE HOUSE… AND MADE SURE SHE COULD HEAR?! HELLOOO!!!
The mother was so vacant and unresponsive to everything Mercy dished out. She didn’t once react to anything with more than a grimace. It was horrendous. What pains me is that there are parents that are like this in real life… and it breaks my heart that teenagers go to such lengths to get their attention. Maybe not by sleeping with people willy nilly… but in their own ways that they deem effective.
This opened a new door in YA fiction, I believe. There is such a huge gap between the standards held to girls and boys. A girl sleeps with a guy because she wants to - or in Mercedes’ case, because she thinks she’s doing their girlfriends a favour – and she’s a slut/whore/skank/bitch. But a guy, WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, sleeps with a girl and he gets a slap on the ass and barely get into a fight. It’s the girl’s fault, right? Wrong.
When girls get mad at other girls for coming onto their boyfriends I get so mad. Instead of pitting yourself against another girl, look back at your boyfriend and see what kind of guy he is. I’m definitely not saying that this is the case in every situation, but it is more common for a guy to give the wrong signals than it is for a girl to just suck. It takes two people to cheat regardless, so if you want to be mad at the girl, fair enough. But you should also feed the same anger, if not more, to your dumb boyfriend who apparently doesn’t know what being in a relationship means.
Anyways, I’ve started ranting.
I had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Laurie Elizabeth Flynn when she came into my work a while ago. She was refreshing and told me briefly about her influences and her writing process. Laurie holds this unique ability to take a concept that most people would typically not be very fond of, and translate it in such a way that makes you understand the perspective you’re viewing it from. So, I’ve mentioned twice that I didn’t expect to like this book at all, but when I did it was for that exact reason.
You understood that a poor home life can negatively impact a young teenage girl. You understood that when a parent bails, it can ruin the child’s life in more ways than one. You understood that someone who is exposed to sex at an age that is a far cry from appropriate, it can severely damage them mentally, physically, whatever it may be.
You understood Mercedes. Which was the end goal in this. You needed to grasp the identity she was falling under, which was that she didn’t know she had one anymore. Everyone she’d ever really loved had let her down, so now she was trying to find something she could have control over – and even that turned to shit.
Firsts holds many similarities to Easy A – which was one of my favourite movies. The storyline was relatively similar, except instead of faking having sex with these guys, she was actually doing it. She kept a log of it in a journal versus a podcast. The characters were very different as was their background stories, but you get it.
I loved that Laurie didn’t use Mercedes “Wednesday friend”, Zach, as an experimental stage. Mercy was absolutely not ready for a relationship of any kind. Not now. This poor girl had a lot to figure out by herself and shouldn’t have been getting anyone involved. But Zach was so patient and kind to her that I wanted them to be together – just, at the right time. The book explores their relationship and how she mentally notes that although they could be something, she can’t put him through that. I was half expecting her to just give in and be like… well we work in bed so why not make it more and just see where it goes. Both were too invested to hurt each other like that. Zach plastered a smile on his face and accepted his “Wednesday friend” status until it was no longer existing. But he never once made her feel like she owed him anything and never once forced her into thinking she was ready. It was authentic and wonderful the way it happened.
This story is without a doubt problematic. I can see why people wouldn’t and didn’t enjoy it in the way that I did and I’m not sure if me enjoying it makes me weird or makes my view more open for interpretation. I respected the storyline and Laurie’s choice in her characters and their roles, as well as how they developed throughout. I enjoyed how, even though Angela was a loyal best friend as are most best friends in real life, it isn’t easy to just talk to someone about what’s going on in your head. It wasn’t in Mercedes case and it isn’t in may people’s cases. I think that this alone raises awareness in cases similar.
I would’ve liked to see Charlie get his ass kicked because of what he did, and I would’ve loved even more to see some confrontation with her mother, but not everything can be tied together with a pretty pink bow. Life gets complicated, and will always be this way. If you live an uncomplicated life then you’re probably not living life to its fullest. You live and learn and love. That’s one of the many cycles surrounding us
Mercedes Ayers has lived a life where she saw the backs of the people she knew more than she saw their front. Everyone has left or let her down at some point. At seventeen years old, she has taken on what she sees as some kind of duty to rid guys of the dreaded, awkward first time. She has developed an open-door policy to make sure that these guys go into their “first” time with experience, treating the girl they’re with properly and giving them the perfect first time. She does this so that these girls have a memorable night, and not a terrible one like Mercedes had.
The only other thing she asks is a vow of secrecy. They get some tips and experience just as long as they don’t tell. But somehow this pay it forward has gone much further than she anticipated, and it has started getting messy. Someone she least expects asks her for help but when she refuses, he plays dirty.
Following Mercedes life, we see her strained relationships and wonder what it is that really started this disaster that she sees her life turning into. Her mother is barely a mother – so much that she refers to her as Kim instead of mom. Angela, her best friend, is super religious and is dating Zach, who is also religious. The three go to a prayer group, although Mercy is doing it more for her friend’s sake.
Okay, I want to start off by repeating that I didn’t expect to like this book. I thought the storyline was sketchy and just a nicer way of saying she was helping people cheat. I still kind of think that as well, because it began to get really complicated towards the end. Mercedes had a plan and her plan was beginning to cave in as she continued to carry on with these endeavors. I saw each one as a cry for help, a way to get her absentee mother to open her damn eyes and acknowledge that her daughter was spiraling. She HAD SEX WITH HER MOM IN THE HOUSE… AND MADE SURE SHE COULD HEAR?! HELLOOO!!!
The mother was so vacant and unresponsive to everything Mercy dished out. She didn’t once react to anything with more than a grimace. It was horrendous. What pains me is that there are parents that are like this in real life… and it breaks my heart that teenagers go to such lengths to get their attention. Maybe not by sleeping with people willy nilly… but in their own ways that they deem effective.
This opened a new door in YA fiction, I believe. There is such a huge gap between the standards held to girls and boys. A girl sleeps with a guy because she wants to - or in Mercedes’ case, because she thinks she’s doing their girlfriends a favour – and she’s a slut/whore/skank/bitch. But a guy, WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, sleeps with a girl and he gets a slap on the ass and barely get into a fight. It’s the girl’s fault, right? Wrong.
When girls get mad at other girls for coming onto their boyfriends I get so mad. Instead of pitting yourself against another girl, look back at your boyfriend and see what kind of guy he is. I’m definitely not saying that this is the case in every situation, but it is more common for a guy to give the wrong signals than it is for a girl to just suck. It takes two people to cheat regardless, so if you want to be mad at the girl, fair enough. But you should also feed the same anger, if not more, to your dumb boyfriend who apparently doesn’t know what being in a relationship means.
Anyways, I’ve started ranting.
I had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Laurie Elizabeth Flynn when she came into my work a while ago. She was refreshing and told me briefly about her influences and her writing process. Laurie holds this unique ability to take a concept that most people would typically not be very fond of, and translate it in such a way that makes you understand the perspective you’re viewing it from. So, I’ve mentioned twice that I didn’t expect to like this book at all, but when I did it was for that exact reason.
You understood that a poor home life can negatively impact a young teenage girl. You understood that when a parent bails, it can ruin the child’s life in more ways than one. You understood that someone who is exposed to sex at an age that is a far cry from appropriate, it can severely damage them mentally, physically, whatever it may be.
You understood Mercedes. Which was the end goal in this. You needed to grasp the identity she was falling under, which was that she didn’t know she had one anymore. Everyone she’d ever really loved had let her down, so now she was trying to find something she could have control over – and even that turned to shit.
Firsts holds many similarities to Easy A – which was one of my favourite movies. The storyline was relatively similar, except instead of faking having sex with these guys, she was actually doing it. She kept a log of it in a journal versus a podcast. The characters were very different as was their background stories, but you get it.
I loved that Laurie didn’t use Mercedes “Wednesday friend”, Zach, as an experimental stage. Mercy was absolutely not ready for a relationship of any kind. Not now. This poor girl had a lot to figure out by herself and shouldn’t have been getting anyone involved. But Zach was so patient and kind to her that I wanted them to be together – just, at the right time. The book explores their relationship and how she mentally notes that although they could be something, she can’t put him through that. I was half expecting her to just give in and be like… well we work in bed so why not make it more and just see where it goes. Both were too invested to hurt each other like that. Zach plastered a smile on his face and accepted his “Wednesday friend” status until it was no longer existing. But he never once made her feel like she owed him anything and never once forced her into thinking she was ready. It was authentic and wonderful the way it happened.
This story is without a doubt problematic. I can see why people wouldn’t and didn’t enjoy it in the way that I did and I’m not sure if me enjoying it makes me weird or makes my view more open for interpretation. I respected the storyline and Laurie’s choice in her characters and their roles, as well as how they developed throughout. I enjoyed how, even though Angela was a loyal best friend as are most best friends in real life, it isn’t easy to just talk to someone about what’s going on in your head. It wasn’t in Mercedes case and it isn’t in may people’s cases. I think that this alone raises awareness in cases similar.
I would’ve liked to see Charlie get his ass kicked because of what he did, and I would’ve loved even more to see some confrontation with her mother, but not everything can be tied together with a pretty pink bow. Life gets complicated, and will always be this way. If you live an uncomplicated life then you’re probably not living life to its fullest. You live and learn and love. That’s one of the many cycles surrounding us