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A review by imaginethehours
Change: Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution by John H. Weakland, Richard Fisch, Paul Watzlawick
3.0
I found this book to have some interesting concepts and perspectives. It seemed like too much of it dwelled in the theoretical, however. I've typed up the excerpts I could most relate too, mostly because they closely parallel long-term dynamics in my family in which we never recognized or were able to move beyond the "first-order change".
I think the book is correct and unique in its assertion that sometimes things can only be effectively changed via getting out of the expected reactions or solutions and into the realm of second-order change. However, I was skeptical at some of the examples actually working effectively in real life, and I felt that more concrete real- world examples should have been given. For instance, the last scenario below, on page 121, very much describes a frequent dynamic in my family, regarding both me and my sister, for our entire lives growing up. I'm just not sold that the "give a dime" approach would have done anything except upset my mom, and potentially my sister and I, more. But I wish we could have tried it, or found an alternative that worked in our family.
Basically, like the concept and would like to see applications of it expanded and attempted and what results come of it.
p.54-55:
"Common to all aspects of the utopia syndrome is the fact that the premises on which the syndrome is based are considered to be more real than reality. What we mean by this is that the individual, when trying to order his world in accordance with his premise and seeing his attempt fail, will typically not examine the premise for any absurd or unrealistic elements of its own, but will, as we have seen, blame outside factors (e.g., society) or his own ineptitude. The idea that the fault might lie with the premises is unbearable, for the premises are the truth, are reality. Thus, the Maoists argue, if after more than half a century the Soviet brand of Marxism has not managed to create the ideal, classless society, it is because the pure doctrine has fallen into impure hands, and not because there might be something inherently wrong with Marxism.
.. That this mistake is far from trivial becomes clearer when we examine it in the potentially fatal context of existential despair.
... In this form of existential despair the search for meaning in life is central and all-pervasive, so much so that the seeker may question everything under the sun, except his quest itself, that is, the unquestioned assumption that there is a meaning and that he has to discover it in order to survive. "
p.64:
"She [the mother] wants her child to comply with what she demands of him, not because she demands it, but spontaneously, of his own will. For instance, instead of the simple demand, "I want you to study", she demands, "I want you to want to study. " This requires that the child not only do the right things, but do the right thing for the right reason which a) makes it punishable to do the right thing for the wrong reason, and b) requires that he perform a weird piece of mental acrobatics by making himself want what he does not want and, by implication, also want what is being done to him...
A similar situation, frequently encountered in martial conflicts, is created by the spouse who wishes certain behaviors from the other, "but only if she/he really wants to- if I have to tell her/him, it's no good. "
p. 84:
"We find that in deliberate intervention into human problems the most pragmatic approach is not the question why? but what?; that is, what is being done here and now that serves to perpetuate the problem, and what can be done here and now to effect a change?
....In psychotherapy it is the myth of knowing this why as precondition for change which defeats its own purpose. The search for causes- by therapist, patient, or both- can lead only to more of the same searching if the insight gained thereby is not yet "deep" enough to bring about change through insight. "
p.101:
A somewhat similar form of reframing can be used with the frequent conflict generated by the nagging wife and the passive-aggressively withdrawing husband. Her behavior can be re-labeled as one which, on the other hand, is fully understandable in view of his punitive silence, but which, on the other hand, has the disadvantage of making him look very good to any outsider.
...It is the very inanity of this redefinition of her behavior which will motivate her to stop "building him up" in the eyes of others at her expense; but the moment she does less of the same, he is likely to withdraw less, and nothing ultimately convinces like success. "
p. 121:
"..a daughter may behave in a very disrespectful, aggressive way towards her mother, and the mother then reacts to it in a way that merely escalates their mutual hostility. Quite understandably, she expects the father to assert his authority and to help her in correcting the daughter's behavior, but finds to her dismay that he is much too "lenient" when she complains about the daughter. Rightly or wrongly she may then be left with the impression that father and daughter are in covert coalition against her, that is, that the father secretly enjoys and encourages the girl's behavior- an unprovable accusation that he would be likely to reject angrily if she were to make it."
They go on to suggest that the father give his daughter 10 cents with no explanation when she acts out toward the mother, as a confusion technique with the daughter, and making the mother feel he's finally doing something. Now that the "game" is overt, they can't keep playing it blindly.
A good prescription for something a person wants to conceal, such as stage fright or some other insecurity, is to advertise it outright. (p. 124-25)
I think the book is correct and unique in its assertion that sometimes things can only be effectively changed via getting out of the expected reactions or solutions and into the realm of second-order change. However, I was skeptical at some of the examples actually working effectively in real life, and I felt that more concrete real- world examples should have been given. For instance, the last scenario below, on page 121, very much describes a frequent dynamic in my family, regarding both me and my sister, for our entire lives growing up. I'm just not sold that the "give a dime" approach would have done anything except upset my mom, and potentially my sister and I, more. But I wish we could have tried it, or found an alternative that worked in our family.
Basically, like the concept and would like to see applications of it expanded and attempted and what results come of it.
p.54-55:
"Common to all aspects of the utopia syndrome is the fact that the premises on which the syndrome is based are considered to be more real than reality. What we mean by this is that the individual, when trying to order his world in accordance with his premise and seeing his attempt fail, will typically not examine the premise for any absurd or unrealistic elements of its own, but will, as we have seen, blame outside factors (e.g., society) or his own ineptitude. The idea that the fault might lie with the premises is unbearable, for the premises are the truth, are reality. Thus, the Maoists argue, if after more than half a century the Soviet brand of Marxism has not managed to create the ideal, classless society, it is because the pure doctrine has fallen into impure hands, and not because there might be something inherently wrong with Marxism.
.. That this mistake is far from trivial becomes clearer when we examine it in the potentially fatal context of existential despair.
... In this form of existential despair the search for meaning in life is central and all-pervasive, so much so that the seeker may question everything under the sun, except his quest itself, that is, the unquestioned assumption that there is a meaning and that he has to discover it in order to survive. "
p.64:
"She [the mother] wants her child to comply with what she demands of him, not because she demands it, but spontaneously, of his own will. For instance, instead of the simple demand, "I want you to study", she demands, "I want you to want to study. " This requires that the child not only do the right things, but do the right thing for the right reason which a) makes it punishable to do the right thing for the wrong reason, and b) requires that he perform a weird piece of mental acrobatics by making himself want what he does not want and, by implication, also want what is being done to him...
A similar situation, frequently encountered in martial conflicts, is created by the spouse who wishes certain behaviors from the other, "but only if she/he really wants to- if I have to tell her/him, it's no good. "
p. 84:
"We find that in deliberate intervention into human problems the most pragmatic approach is not the question why? but what?; that is, what is being done here and now that serves to perpetuate the problem, and what can be done here and now to effect a change?
....In psychotherapy it is the myth of knowing this why as precondition for change which defeats its own purpose. The search for causes- by therapist, patient, or both- can lead only to more of the same searching if the insight gained thereby is not yet "deep" enough to bring about change through insight. "
p.101:
A somewhat similar form of reframing can be used with the frequent conflict generated by the nagging wife and the passive-aggressively withdrawing husband. Her behavior can be re-labeled as one which, on the other hand, is fully understandable in view of his punitive silence, but which, on the other hand, has the disadvantage of making him look very good to any outsider.
...It is the very inanity of this redefinition of her behavior which will motivate her to stop "building him up" in the eyes of others at her expense; but the moment she does less of the same, he is likely to withdraw less, and nothing ultimately convinces like success. "
p. 121:
"..a daughter may behave in a very disrespectful, aggressive way towards her mother, and the mother then reacts to it in a way that merely escalates their mutual hostility. Quite understandably, she expects the father to assert his authority and to help her in correcting the daughter's behavior, but finds to her dismay that he is much too "lenient" when she complains about the daughter. Rightly or wrongly she may then be left with the impression that father and daughter are in covert coalition against her, that is, that the father secretly enjoys and encourages the girl's behavior- an unprovable accusation that he would be likely to reject angrily if she were to make it."
They go on to suggest that the father give his daughter 10 cents with no explanation when she acts out toward the mother, as a confusion technique with the daughter, and making the mother feel he's finally doing something. Now that the "game" is overt, they can't keep playing it blindly.
A good prescription for something a person wants to conceal, such as stage fright or some other insecurity, is to advertise it outright. (p. 124-25)