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A review by alliethegator
Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas
1.0
This book is ridiculously bad. The only thing that kept me reading after putting me in the worst reading slump of my life was knowing that SJM's writing improves and this series supposedly gets much better. I LOVED this book in 2014 (10 years ago) when I first read it, which makes sense because it's the most juvenile, ridiculous slew of incoherence I've ever read, for example:
Amidst her worrying, another Test passed without incident or embarrassment - though she couldn't say the same for the soldier who'd been sent home - and she kept up her intense training with Chaol and the other Champions.'
That's it, that's the plot progression we love!
'"Candy!" A large paper bag sat on a pillow, and she found that it was filled with all sorts of confectionary goodies. There was no note, not even a name scribbled on the bag. With a shrug and glowing eyes, Celaena pulled out a handful of sweets. Oh, how she adored candy!
Celaena issued a jolly laugh and crammed some of the candy into her mouth.
Should I keep going? Because I can take any paragraph out of this book and it is JUST as bad.
Celaena is the most unlikeable, ANNOYING, protagonist I've ever had the displeasure of reading. She is the worst best assassin of all time. She acts like a spoiled little girl the whole book with no evidence whatsoever that she's this meticulous, badass assassin except for the *trust me bro* lack of storytelling. How many times does someone walk into her room unannounced and she sleeps straight through it?
Right. Assassin. A really good one.
Don't even get me started on Dorian and Chaol.
If Celaena is the most unlikeable character, Dorian is the most boring. Hello? Being a Prince doesn't excuse you from making bad choices, like, I don't know? Trusting the world's best (LMAO) assassin to not kill you in your sleep? For no reason other than she's hot? But no, he can do whatever he wants because he's the PRINCE! Which, speaking of, where the heck is the King I keep hearing about? Does he even exist because this book keeps bringing him up and I don't even remember if we met him because I think my brain entered a state of decay while trudging through this SLOG.
Chaol is, like, so hot omg so cool and badass!!! Love him so much! Especially the way he is essentially the same character as Dorian, minus being a Prince! Like, name one difference between them? They talk the same, fight the same, and make bad choices the same.
I seriously cannot BELIEVE that this book has 713,000 5* reviews on good read. Were you guys paid? If so, how much? Because I think I'd require at least $1000 per star.
Celaena is the most unlikeable, ANNOYING, protagonist I've ever had the displeasure of reading. She is the worst best assassin of all time. She acts like a spoiled little girl the whole book with no evidence whatsoever that she's this meticulous, badass assassin except for the *trust me bro* lack of storytelling. How many times does someone walk into her room unannounced and she sleeps straight through it?
Right. Assassin. A really good one.
Don't even get me started on Dorian and Chaol.
If Celaena is the most unlikeable character, Dorian is the most boring. Hello? Being a Prince doesn't excuse you from making bad choices, like, I don't know? Trusting the world's best (LMAO) assassin to not kill you in your sleep? For no reason other than she's hot? But no, he can do whatever he wants because he's the PRINCE! Which, speaking of, where the heck is the King I keep hearing about? Does he even exist because this book keeps bringing him up and I don't even remember if we met him because I think my brain entered a state of decay while trudging through this SLOG.
Chaol is, like, so hot omg so cool and badass!!! Love him so much! Especially the way he is essentially the same character as Dorian, minus being a Prince! Like, name one difference between them? They talk the same, fight the same, and make bad choices the same.
I seriously cannot BELIEVE that this book has 713,000 5* reviews on good read. Were you guys paid? If so, how much? Because I think I'd require at least $1000 per star.