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A review by v_larr
I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
4.0
Starting off Halloween month with an excellent horror story. Wow. Okay. Very many TWs mainly for death and child abuse.
I think this book is one that takes a lot of guts to write. There's a moment where Jennette's therapist tells her that her mother was abusive. And Jennette is so shocked by such a preposterous idea that she just quits therapy altogether.
Seeing the progression from that to writing and publishing every ugly detail of her mother's abuse and its effects shows how much Jennette has changed and grown even since then alone. Like this is incredible of her.
This...this is a horrifying story. It's almost formulaic: narcissistic woman who can't follow her dream pushes it onto her daughter, huge unrealistic expectations with harrowing effects ensue. A little girl exploited when she should've been allowed to enjoy her childhood.
The thing is, in this book, it's not like Jennette was straight up "my mom was abusive to me." It was more than that. It's analyzing every expression she would make, doing everything to appease her, scared for her bad moods, and on top of that, believing wholeheartedly that that's what love is. Codependency, destroying yourself for the sake of someone who should've been helping you grow.
And it also shows the predatory nature of the child acting industry. It's not just "can this kid act." It's "do their looks fit, do they do as they're told, are they troublesome, are they at the age where they're going to start growing." Hell, she got anorexia mainly out of fear of puberty.
It makes me think of the state of figure skating. Girls can't grow because their small size is what "gets" them the big skating moves, the big points, the medals. So there's puberty blockers, there's constant food monitoring, there's drugs. And it gets results, so why worry if your skater gets an eating disorder, why worry if they get an injury? They'll be replaced and forgotten soon enough.
Yeah I'm picturing Eteri Tutberidze as Jennette's mom rn.
It's just heartbreaking to know that this happens so often. It's almost a trope in stories about careers like this, especially for women. And it's not like it's going to stop. The cycle of abuse is so easy to fall into. Actually, I'd be better off wording it as difficult to get out of. It shows in Jennette's grandmother's influence onto her mother which influenced her. And the fact that she was under the public eye means it must've taken even more effort to actually get help. Thank goodness she did and thank goodness she decided to write about it.
This is a story that needs to be told. It shows in her writing as well, the fact that she didn't even realize the terrible way her mom treated her until someone else suggested it. Signs of abuse are hidden and twisted in with signs of love. That's the whole point. And how are you supposed to notice the red flags if you grew up wearing rose tinted glasses? That's the worst part of child abuse. You grow up thinking it's normal and then the moment you step out of that life, it turns out everything was all wrong. Hopefully someone can pick up this book and get the help they need as well.
I think I actually want to get into the more technical parts of this book. Jennette's writing is straightforward. No nonsense. And the pacing of this is done incredibly. I felt a sense of anxiety right from the very first page that didn't stop until her actual healing. She didn't hesitate to get into the specifics regarding her bulimia, sex, things that typically would be danced around in a writing sense. There's almost some detachment from it all. And I liked the humor, and some of the more dramatically-written bits. Very well done.
Another thing I wanted to mention earlier was the influence of religion. Religion is a damn good guilt-tripper. And there was a tidbit on a lack of sexual education as well.
I think my favourite part of this book was when she talked about romanticizing the dead. It reminded me of that bit in Husband Material during the funeral. And I'm loving seeing this topic be brought up.
I think only saying good things about the dead is doing them a disservice. I've said this ever since I first listened to the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack. If someone did bad things, if they hurt you, there's no point in lying about them. It's like how tombstones that say stuff like "loving wife, daughter, friend" etc etc are bullshit because above all, the dead were people. Nuanced, complicated, messy people. It's not bad to tell the truth about the deceased. And it's not like Jennette was petty about it. She loved her mother. She admired her, desired her approval. But her mother was abusive. Point blank.
I loved the story of recovery. It's not linear, it's hard, it's disgusting and there's a lot of struggles before there's progress. And it seems like Jennette still has some ways to go. But it's wonderful that she has a healthier relationship with food and her body now. I always thought eating disorders are particularly nasty business. I hate reading about them, I hate seeing posts or comments like "guess I'm not eating today." I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate how it's still normalized. I can only hope that we as a society can push towards treating these disorders as the dangerous things they are.
I wish nothing but successes in Jennette's life. In her recovery, in her writing, in her friendships and relationships. She's still young. I hope she can truly grow into herself and spend the rest of her days following her dreams.
I think this book is one that takes a lot of guts to write. There's a moment where Jennette's therapist tells her that her mother was abusive. And Jennette is so shocked by such a preposterous idea that she just quits therapy altogether.
Seeing the progression from that to writing and publishing every ugly detail of her mother's abuse and its effects shows how much Jennette has changed and grown even since then alone. Like this is incredible of her.
This...this is a horrifying story. It's almost formulaic: narcissistic woman who can't follow her dream pushes it onto her daughter, huge unrealistic expectations with harrowing effects ensue. A little girl exploited when she should've been allowed to enjoy her childhood.
The thing is, in this book, it's not like Jennette was straight up "my mom was abusive to me." It was more than that. It's analyzing every expression she would make, doing everything to appease her, scared for her bad moods, and on top of that, believing wholeheartedly that that's what love is. Codependency, destroying yourself for the sake of someone who should've been helping you grow.
And it also shows the predatory nature of the child acting industry. It's not just "can this kid act." It's "do their looks fit, do they do as they're told, are they troublesome, are they at the age where they're going to start growing." Hell, she got anorexia mainly out of fear of puberty.
It makes me think of the state of figure skating. Girls can't grow because their small size is what "gets" them the big skating moves, the big points, the medals. So there's puberty blockers, there's constant food monitoring, there's drugs. And it gets results, so why worry if your skater gets an eating disorder, why worry if they get an injury? They'll be replaced and forgotten soon enough.
Yeah I'm picturing Eteri Tutberidze as Jennette's mom rn.
It's just heartbreaking to know that this happens so often. It's almost a trope in stories about careers like this, especially for women. And it's not like it's going to stop. The cycle of abuse is so easy to fall into. Actually, I'd be better off wording it as difficult to get out of. It shows in Jennette's grandmother's influence onto her mother which influenced her. And the fact that she was under the public eye means it must've taken even more effort to actually get help. Thank goodness she did and thank goodness she decided to write about it.
This is a story that needs to be told. It shows in her writing as well, the fact that she didn't even realize the terrible way her mom treated her until someone else suggested it. Signs of abuse are hidden and twisted in with signs of love. That's the whole point. And how are you supposed to notice the red flags if you grew up wearing rose tinted glasses? That's the worst part of child abuse. You grow up thinking it's normal and then the moment you step out of that life, it turns out everything was all wrong. Hopefully someone can pick up this book and get the help they need as well.
I think I actually want to get into the more technical parts of this book. Jennette's writing is straightforward. No nonsense. And the pacing of this is done incredibly. I felt a sense of anxiety right from the very first page that didn't stop until her actual healing. She didn't hesitate to get into the specifics regarding her bulimia, sex, things that typically would be danced around in a writing sense. There's almost some detachment from it all. And I liked the humor, and some of the more dramatically-written bits. Very well done.
Another thing I wanted to mention earlier was the influence of religion. Religion is a damn good guilt-tripper. And there was a tidbit on a lack of sexual education as well.
I think my favourite part of this book was when she talked about romanticizing the dead. It reminded me of that bit in Husband Material during the funeral. And I'm loving seeing this topic be brought up.
I think only saying good things about the dead is doing them a disservice. I've said this ever since I first listened to the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack. If someone did bad things, if they hurt you, there's no point in lying about them. It's like how tombstones that say stuff like "loving wife, daughter, friend" etc etc are bullshit because above all, the dead were people. Nuanced, complicated, messy people. It's not bad to tell the truth about the deceased. And it's not like Jennette was petty about it. She loved her mother. She admired her, desired her approval. But her mother was abusive. Point blank.
I loved the story of recovery. It's not linear, it's hard, it's disgusting and there's a lot of struggles before there's progress. And it seems like Jennette still has some ways to go. But it's wonderful that she has a healthier relationship with food and her body now. I always thought eating disorders are particularly nasty business. I hate reading about them, I hate seeing posts or comments like "guess I'm not eating today." I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate how it's still normalized. I can only hope that we as a society can push towards treating these disorders as the dangerous things they are.
I wish nothing but successes in Jennette's life. In her recovery, in her writing, in her friendships and relationships. She's still young. I hope she can truly grow into herself and spend the rest of her days following her dreams.