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A review by khaufnaak
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb
4.0
I became aware of this book through a professor I had during my first year of college. In my first, she taught “Psychological Disorder,” and in my second, she taught “Basic Counseling Skills.” She was super cool, and I looked up to her from my first semester. She had spent a decade doing crisis intervention with people experiencing psychosis, and now she was teaching us while doing a Ph.D. in something psychology-related (family science…?) and having a family of her own with two kids! And she was always SUPER enthusiastic. She loved what she did. I speak in the past tense because, at the end of that year, she got her Ph.D. and left to do more remarkable things. I’m happy to say we are at least connected on LinkedIn, and I hope she doesn’t hold against me falling asleep in her classes. It was definitely not personal. She reminds me a bit of the author, Lori Gottlieb.
ANYWAYS, she introduced me, our whole basic counseling skills class, to this book, by reading excerpts from it at the beginning of class sometimes. It’s fascinating how some things we experienced in class paralleled what was covered in this book. So I’ll share some thoughts, some connected, others not.
There are a few different clients and characters/individuals throughout this book. One that got me teary-eyed was John. I loved seeing a dislikable (labeled narcissistic but not diagnosed) individual humanized! It was just cool to see someone who seemed kind of like an unaware douche become an aware work-in-progress. And it was nice to see, too, Gottlieb acknowledging her annoyance for him and how she manages and tries to grant him nuance in her mind. They find their dynamic, their way to interact and do therapy together, which I thought was so terrific.
Major kudos to the author for talking about her therapy too. Her fears that therapy can’t help her… and when she googled all about her therapist! And when she got worried she was having “romantic transference” for him! When this kind of stuff happens, I imagine it's just time for the therapeutic relationship to be terminated. But Gottlieb writing about this makes it clear, no, that doesn't have to be the case! Also, just reading about Wendell and envisioning him being a therapist while being his authentic self, and that rubbing off on Gottlieb and her being more and more her authentic self too, was just great to read. I remember in my counseling skills class, we would have to do practice counseling sessions with each other, and something I struggled with was thinking I didn’t have the therapist personality. I felt like I had to put on an act do counseling. And Wendell makes it clear that that doesn’t have to be the case. (My professor also helped me realize this at the time, obviouslyyy because she was so awesome and cool. Maybe she was cooler than Wendell. F8 me.)
And then Rita’s story was excellent too. There’s love, romance, family, community, and even somewhat reconnecting with her estranged children. I love social fulfillment. Her fears of forming deeper connections with others while having done wrong are real, and expressed so clearly. She is repenting in old age, experiencing love again at old age, something so beautiful about living richly even when one is older.
Some things I read and went, “are you sure about that?” *insert that one gif of John Cena* I have an annoying habit of nitpicking passing comments by writers and people in general, and this will not be abandoned here.
Gottlieb mentions how we’ll talk to almost anyone about our physical health. I question if this is consistent throughout cultures or even true for herself. As is later revealed, she is living with a mysterious health condition, and she doesn’t talk to just anyone about that.
On another note, maybe I’m too Gen Z with this, but is it questionable that Myron tries kissing Rita when she’s stressed out?
ON ANOTHER NOTE, initially, I was alarmed by the regular presentation of therapists armchair diagnosing their friends’ ex-boyfriend (avoidant?! Sociopath… ?). Still, as the story progresses, I think Gottlieb does an excellent job of humanizing and creating nuance in how different individuals in her life are presented.
Overall great book; I would recommend, yee haw
ANYWAYS, she introduced me, our whole basic counseling skills class, to this book, by reading excerpts from it at the beginning of class sometimes. It’s fascinating how some things we experienced in class paralleled what was covered in this book. So I’ll share some thoughts, some connected, others not.
There are a few different clients and characters/individuals throughout this book. One that got me teary-eyed was John. I loved seeing a dislikable (labeled narcissistic but not diagnosed) individual humanized! It was just cool to see someone who seemed kind of like an unaware douche become an aware work-in-progress. And it was nice to see, too, Gottlieb acknowledging her annoyance for him and how she manages and tries to grant him nuance in her mind. They find their dynamic, their way to interact and do therapy together, which I thought was so terrific.
Major kudos to the author for talking about her therapy too. Her fears that therapy can’t help her… and when she googled all about her therapist! And when she got worried she was having “romantic transference” for him! When this kind of stuff happens, I imagine it's just time for the therapeutic relationship to be terminated. But Gottlieb writing about this makes it clear, no, that doesn't have to be the case! Also, just reading about Wendell and envisioning him being a therapist while being his authentic self, and that rubbing off on Gottlieb and her being more and more her authentic self too, was just great to read. I remember in my counseling skills class, we would have to do practice counseling sessions with each other, and something I struggled with was thinking I didn’t have the therapist personality. I felt like I had to put on an act do counseling. And Wendell makes it clear that that doesn’t have to be the case. (My professor also helped me realize this at the time, obviouslyyy because she was so awesome and cool. Maybe she was cooler than Wendell. F8 me.)
And then Rita’s story was excellent too. There’s love, romance, family, community, and even somewhat reconnecting with her estranged children. I love social fulfillment. Her fears of forming deeper connections with others while having done wrong are real, and expressed so clearly. She is repenting in old age, experiencing love again at old age, something so beautiful about living richly even when one is older.
Some things I read and went, “are you sure about that?” *insert that one gif of John Cena* I have an annoying habit of nitpicking passing comments by writers and people in general, and this will not be abandoned here.
Gottlieb mentions how we’ll talk to almost anyone about our physical health. I question if this is consistent throughout cultures or even true for herself. As is later revealed, she is living with a mysterious health condition, and she doesn’t talk to just anyone about that.
On another note, maybe I’m too Gen Z with this, but is it questionable that Myron tries kissing Rita when she’s stressed out?
ON ANOTHER NOTE, initially, I was alarmed by the regular presentation of therapists armchair diagnosing their friends’ ex-boyfriend (avoidant?! Sociopath… ?). Still, as the story progresses, I think Gottlieb does an excellent job of humanizing and creating nuance in how different individuals in her life are presented.
Overall great book; I would recommend, yee haw