abbyam 's review for:

Pink Lemonade Cake Murder by Joanne Fluke

DID NOT FINISH: 31%

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This book is soooooo stupid mostly because it treats its readers like they're stupid. The writing is terrible, none of the characters feel like real people, they're all one-dimensional, and most are the exact same. The dialogue sounds so unnatural. We start with this small town cop wanting to retire, and the entire town drops what they're doing to go to this bakery so three people can say how much they like him and want him to stay. In the lead-up to the meeting, they explain the plan three separate times to different characters, but a simple "Hannah explained the plan to X" would suffice. The cop hears the three statements and then immediately leaves per the plan, so this interaction took a total of one page after about 18 pages of lead-up. Also, I get that the main character is a professional baker and it makes sense that people like her stuff, but the number of times her skill or the taste of her baked goods are complimented directly in the dialogue is unnecessary and often feels like the author is patting herself on the back for the recipes she's included in the book. Also, anytime the MC is baking there are numerous references to all the pro-grade and industrial-type equipment she uses, one to set the scene, sure, but every time is excessive. There are multiple times where a character will have an experience and then we get that experience recounted multiple times on page, often within 5 pages of each other. Chapter 15 was pointless. It's 3 pages long, the MC wakes up in the middle of the night, another character is already up, MC asks 'what's happening?' the other character explains she forgot to explain something nature related to another character who is not familiar with rural areas, except it doesn't matter because that character is not even in the room and isn't doing anything to wake or upset the others they all just woke up because of birds. That chapter really should have been edited out. Then the characters are at this banquet to celebrate the start of a county-wide festival/competition thing. I had so many issues with this scene. The MC and people at her table have this 4-page side conversation and the action around them just pauses. It is made very clear that the characters in the convo missed nothing that was going on in the scene around them. You would think that meant the entire room was listening to their side conversation about these two people who are in the room with them, but no one reacts like that's the case.  Then the announcer is introducing beauty pageant contestants and mentions every single time that they're from Minnesota. Like, no duh, it's a county competition in Minnesota, everyone would expect them to be from Minnesota, why are we mentioning it 8 times? Finally, 89 pages in, we get to the murder that the book is actually about. The body is found by the MC's mom and then the MC, who then calls the local doctor, who I think is also the medical examiner because small town, who also happens to be the MC's mom's boyfriend/partner/husband. The MC uses this phone call to set the scene, like explaining the setup of the bleachers, which was already explained when it was actually relevant, not even a page ago. At this point, we have already gotten three different explanations as to why the MC's mom does not like this particular character, who is then found dead. In dialogue, the MC and her mom again explain the feud between them and how others are going to think that this was a motive for murder. BTW, it's nothing significant: mom had a dress ruined by water in a dunk tank a few years ago due to the deceased character, excuse me if I find it hard to believe anyone would consider that motive for murder. The doctor/medical examiner/husband then recommends that the mom, who again is the witness who discovered the body, have some wine to calm down before giving her statement to the police. The MC then buys champagne (which feels disrespectful considering the circumstances) and gives her mom two glasses. That's when I finally had to call it quits, I officially hate this author and every character in this book.