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A review by farahhananii
Destination Anywhere by Sara Barnard
5.0
This book is insanely me, I'm so shocked that I didn't ghostwrite it.
Trigger Warning: Bullying, anxiety, abandonment, drugs.
This book is also deeply personal to me, every feeling, thought and journey was as if it was dug from my brain and spilled on paper in a more eloquent form than an abstract feeling in my nerves.
I too, ran away to a different country to escape a crumbled life. I too, felt the desperation in search of a more permanent and unbreakable bond in a friendship that I dreamt and fantasized about my whole life. I too, had the stupid bad luck of just being myself and people not liking me for me. And I too, changed myself to fit in a mold that wouldn't fit.
For the longest time, I've rationalized and beat myself up over the fact that I'm crying over stupid friendships before realizing that my feelings are still valid and I'm allowed to feel the way I do even if nobody understands it.
I didn't think reading about my own (similar) experiences would be hard but it really was. I had to stop about 10% in and read two different books before continuing with this one. What I love the most about this book was that it wasn't anything extraordinarily cruel or brutal or extreme. Peyton's bullying experience was... mundane (it sounds bad/trivial when I put it that way but it really was... small) but the effects of that were huge and scarring and lasts a lifetime. A lot of Peyton's reactions to the friendships that she develops after are knee-jerk reactions and I UNDERSTOOD IT.
"There should be a different word for it," I said. "Bullied. It makes it sound so trivial."
"Because I have no friends and if I don't make friends I will die." — my EXACT sentiment throughout life.
"A group of friends with their own history, all but impenetrable. It made me anxious, worried there was no room for me." — whenever I make new friends with people that already have their own clique.
"You know what traveling alone actually is? Lonely. Really, really lonely. And honestly, kind of boring too." — when I took that impromptu trip to Damyang for ~self-discovery~ just to have a hellish journey and be bored out of my mind by my own company.
"It was too late to try making new friends at college, but maybe I could just see out the year on my own." — when I had a fallout with one person that made me had a fallout with a WHOLE GROUP so I ended up self-isolating myself.
"There should be a word for friend love. It burns as hard, just in a different way."
"For all people talk about girls needing boyfriends to validate them, no one really talks about how girls needs best friends for the same reason." — no one ever talks about friendship pains and no one ever talks about how complicated it can get.
Obviously, as a book there's character development for closure, and Peyton's VERY LUCKY to have understanding parents who, while pissed off as fxxk, are still open to conversation and communication. It might not always end that way in real life, but I take small comfort in Peyton's closure hoping I'll get comfortable enough to get to that position one day.
Trigger Warning: Bullying, anxiety, abandonment, drugs.
This book is also deeply personal to me, every feeling, thought and journey was as if it was dug from my brain and spilled on paper in a more eloquent form than an abstract feeling in my nerves.
I too, ran away to a different country to escape a crumbled life. I too, felt the desperation in search of a more permanent and unbreakable bond in a friendship that I dreamt and fantasized about my whole life. I too, had the stupid bad luck of just being myself and people not liking me for me. And I too, changed myself to fit in a mold that wouldn't fit.
For the longest time, I've rationalized and beat myself up over the fact that I'm crying over stupid friendships before realizing that my feelings are still valid and I'm allowed to feel the way I do even if nobody understands it.
I didn't think reading about my own (similar) experiences would be hard but it really was. I had to stop about 10% in and read two different books before continuing with this one. What I love the most about this book was that it wasn't anything extraordinarily cruel or brutal or extreme. Peyton's bullying experience was... mundane (it sounds bad/trivial when I put it that way but it really was... small) but the effects of that were huge and scarring and lasts a lifetime. A lot of Peyton's reactions to the friendships that she develops after are knee-jerk reactions and I UNDERSTOOD IT.
"There should be a different word for it," I said. "Bullied. It makes it sound so trivial."
"Because I have no friends and if I don't make friends I will die." — my EXACT sentiment throughout life.
"A group of friends with their own history, all but impenetrable. It made me anxious, worried there was no room for me." — whenever I make new friends with people that already have their own clique.
"You know what traveling alone actually is? Lonely. Really, really lonely. And honestly, kind of boring too." — when I took that impromptu trip to Damyang for ~self-discovery~ just to have a hellish journey and be bored out of my mind by my own company.
"It was too late to try making new friends at college, but maybe I could just see out the year on my own." — when I had a fallout with one person that made me had a fallout with a WHOLE GROUP so I ended up self-isolating myself.
"There should be a word for friend love. It burns as hard, just in a different way."
"For all people talk about girls needing boyfriends to validate them, no one really talks about how girls needs best friends for the same reason." — no one ever talks about friendship pains and no one ever talks about how complicated it can get.
Obviously, as a book there's character development for closure, and Peyton's VERY LUCKY to have understanding parents who, while pissed off as fxxk, are still open to conversation and communication. It might not always end that way in real life, but I take small comfort in Peyton's closure hoping I'll get comfortable enough to get to that position one day.