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A review by jadonm
A Choir of Lies by Alexandra Rowland
5.0
This book took me nine months (to the day, almost) to finish. Let me explain why.
There are novels that come along once in a lifetime, I think - stories that hit you exactly where you need it to hit you exactly when you need it. A CHOIR OF LIES is absolutely one of those books.
I started reading this right after starting a job I was already mostly uncertain about. I had gotten a degree in something I was only chasing because of the promise of large paychecks and the mythical concept of "making it", when deep down I already knew it wasn't for me. But I thought I could continue to delude myself into thinking it was okay to do this, it was okay to keep powering through, to keep doing what I'd been doing for so long already. So I took that job, and started work. And hated it.
Three weeks later, this book, all by itself at the bottom of a New Releases shelf at my local bookstore, stood out to me. So I bought it with the money I earned from my very first paycheck and started to read it.
And kept reading it.
And kept reading it.
And kept reading it.
Every time I picked it up, it imparted some significant emotion on me. Some sort of life lesson I didn't know I needed. Nine times out of ten, whenever I sat down with A CHOIR OF LIES, I'd walk away with tears in my eyes, only having been able to stomach reading 20 pages. I don't mean that in the way you expect - that this book was terrible (it's not), or that it was something I was trying to force myself to complete out of some sort of desperate determination to leave no book unfinished (I wasn't).
No - it was entirely the opposite. This book was so, so good. It hurt me, repeatedly, and gave me the space to rebuild myself, and to recenter myself, so that I was ready for the next time I picked it up and did the whole thing all over again.
This book is full of regrets, and fears, and self-imposed ultimatums. It's a young man's cry for help to a world that couldn't be assed about him one way or another, and how he has to find himself before he can help others. It's a story about making decisions in your childhood years that have lasting effects, despite not knowing what those consequences might be at the time. It's a story about getting burned, about getting burned, about getting burned, and still standing tall. It's the story of someone learning its okay to turn around, to make an about-face, and to try something new, even if it's scary.
I haven't been this repeatedly punched in the gut by a book since A MONSTER CALLS. I haven't felt this rewritten by a book since I read THE MARTIAN. A CHOIR OF LIES joins an extremely short list of books that have honest to god changed my life. If I'm being entirely truthful, the reason it took me so long to read A CHOIR OF LIES was because I was a little bit terrified to be in a world where I'd finished it.
Maybe it won't hit you as hard as it hit me, and maybe you won't find it as powerful as I did, but I still think you should read it, because beautiful, serendipitous books like these you find on store shelves might be telling you something you need to hear.
There are novels that come along once in a lifetime, I think - stories that hit you exactly where you need it to hit you exactly when you need it. A CHOIR OF LIES is absolutely one of those books.
I started reading this right after starting a job I was already mostly uncertain about. I had gotten a degree in something I was only chasing because of the promise of large paychecks and the mythical concept of "making it", when deep down I already knew it wasn't for me. But I thought I could continue to delude myself into thinking it was okay to do this, it was okay to keep powering through, to keep doing what I'd been doing for so long already. So I took that job, and started work. And hated it.
Three weeks later, this book, all by itself at the bottom of a New Releases shelf at my local bookstore, stood out to me. So I bought it with the money I earned from my very first paycheck and started to read it.
And kept reading it.
And kept reading it.
And kept reading it.
Every time I picked it up, it imparted some significant emotion on me. Some sort of life lesson I didn't know I needed. Nine times out of ten, whenever I sat down with A CHOIR OF LIES, I'd walk away with tears in my eyes, only having been able to stomach reading 20 pages. I don't mean that in the way you expect - that this book was terrible (it's not), or that it was something I was trying to force myself to complete out of some sort of desperate determination to leave no book unfinished (I wasn't).
No - it was entirely the opposite. This book was so, so good. It hurt me, repeatedly, and gave me the space to rebuild myself, and to recenter myself, so that I was ready for the next time I picked it up and did the whole thing all over again.
This book is full of regrets, and fears, and self-imposed ultimatums. It's a young man's cry for help to a world that couldn't be assed about him one way or another, and how he has to find himself before he can help others. It's a story about making decisions in your childhood years that have lasting effects, despite not knowing what those consequences might be at the time. It's a story about getting burned, about getting burned, about getting burned, and still standing tall. It's the story of someone learning its okay to turn around, to make an about-face, and to try something new, even if it's scary.
I haven't been this repeatedly punched in the gut by a book since A MONSTER CALLS. I haven't felt this rewritten by a book since I read THE MARTIAN. A CHOIR OF LIES joins an extremely short list of books that have honest to god changed my life. If I'm being entirely truthful, the reason it took me so long to read A CHOIR OF LIES was because I was a little bit terrified to be in a world where I'd finished it.
Maybe it won't hit you as hard as it hit me, and maybe you won't find it as powerful as I did, but I still think you should read it, because beautiful, serendipitous books like these you find on store shelves might be telling you something you need to hear.