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the_wonky_librarian 's review for:
Gork, the Teenage Dragon
by Gabe Hudson
No. No. No.
It professes to be aimed at teens but the novel (language, characters and plot) is so clunky and stilted that my older students wouldn't make it beyond the first chapter. The whole premise is about a teenage dragon trying to get laid for the first time. Sure, other teenage books have similar plot devices but in this case it was all consuming and I wasn't at all invested in his success.
I considered its appropriateness for younger readers but dismissed this notion pretty quickly and not just because of the lead dragon's desire to bonk. The swearing is so frequent, all impact is lost: "bastard" is used over 100 times and it's coupled with "sonuvabitch" and "bloody". I don't even want to discuss the reference to "nipples" which are "perky and hard," the protagonist's "mating magnetism" which is "ThrobbingWetOvoWomb" or his love interest's "mating dance" with its "luscious oily odor" and "potent raw... musk." It often felt like badly written dragon porn aimed to send a "delirious bolt of lust through [the] haunches" of Pro-Trump supporters ("Grab the chick whose tail is thick.")
As I mentioned, the language is terrible and I don't just mean the swearing. It feels like the hybrid love child of a mediocre comic and an eleven year old's creative writing homework. A random sample of 20 sentences yielded:
* now x 6;
* and x 18;
* so x 4;
* then x 3.
Actually, I couldn't help it. I've just asked my Kindle to count how many times the word "now" was peppered throughout the novel. Drumroll...
912.
Now that's excessive. Ba-da-boom.
Of all the books I've reviewed, this is bottom of the pile. Usually, I can at least respect the author's craft or effort or concept but this time I'm at a loss.
Warning: do not use as a class text; you have parental complaints.
It professes to be aimed at teens but the novel (language, characters and plot) is so clunky and stilted that my older students wouldn't make it beyond the first chapter. The whole premise is about a teenage dragon trying to get laid for the first time. Sure, other teenage books have similar plot devices but in this case it was all consuming and I wasn't at all invested in his success.
I considered its appropriateness for younger readers but dismissed this notion pretty quickly and not just because of the lead dragon's desire to bonk. The swearing is so frequent, all impact is lost: "bastard" is used over 100 times and it's coupled with "sonuvabitch" and "bloody". I don't even want to discuss the reference to "nipples" which are "perky and hard," the protagonist's "mating magnetism" which is "ThrobbingWetOvoWomb" or his love interest's "mating dance" with its "luscious oily odor" and "potent raw... musk." It often felt like badly written dragon porn aimed to send a "delirious bolt of lust through [the] haunches" of Pro-Trump supporters ("Grab the chick whose tail is thick.")
As I mentioned, the language is terrible and I don't just mean the swearing. It feels like the hybrid love child of a mediocre comic and an eleven year old's creative writing homework. A random sample of 20 sentences yielded:
* now x 6;
* and x 18;
* so x 4;
* then x 3.
Actually, I couldn't help it. I've just asked my Kindle to count how many times the word "now" was peppered throughout the novel. Drumroll...
912.
Now that's excessive. Ba-da-boom.
Of all the books I've reviewed, this is bottom of the pile. Usually, I can at least respect the author's craft or effort or concept but this time I'm at a loss.
Warning: do not use as a class text; you have parental complaints.