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A review by laynescherer
Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis by Ada Calhoun
2.0
2.5 stars overall
4 stars for ability to articulate Very Specific Feelings & Experiences in a Way that Felt Validating
1.5 stars for another book that seems to center the experiences of upper-middle class white woman as a default, problematic uses of evidence, and troubling language
It is my fault that I picked up this book thinking about how it would address sleep disorders in women. Calhoun's book reads like a long NYTimes Magazine or a piece in the Atlantic, and perhaps this may have felt like a tighter read if it had been in one of those settings. My major issues with this book is that it claims and centers the experiences of white, cisgender, heterosexual women with means as the dominant way to understand women in midlife. This feels very in the lines of Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In."
It features I think once instance of a queer couple and barely mentions the issues of race outside of comparative statistics. The book ends with a game of “Prison or School” of buildings on a drive through rural Texas. While there definitely problems with the way public education is run in the country and it is couched in a review of architecture, it seems like a particularly problematic anecdote given the way the school-to-prison industrial complex disproportionately impacts Black, Indigenous, and people of color. Here, it’s a game.
I have the biggest issues with the framing of some of the evidence. In the first few chapters, I thought this might go in the lines of a Mary Roach, Rebecca Traister, or Peggy Orenstein. Writers (all white women themselves) who approach the issues with evidence while using a tone and anecdote to build connection. Calhoun doesn't get there.
- Despite the title about sleep disorders, it does not mention how the medical field has chronically underdiagnosed sleep disorders in women and instead attributed most issues to depression and anxiety. Obstructive sleep apnea has symptoms that are predominately noticed and attributed to men, and there's an effort to shed more light on how women are impacted by challenges in sleep. I'm shocked that this wasn't brought up.
- The reliance on alcohol as a way to alleviate stress also does not come with any conversation about the increase of alcoholism, the associated health risks, and how these issues can impact individuals/families.
- In discussing the concerns about fertility, she does not take time to complicate how the idea of a steep decline in the 30s is more gradual. In general, the medical research on pregnancy and pregnant people is limited because of the caution exercised in doing research on people who are trying to conceive/pregnant.
- The framing of divorce in chapter 10 as unnecessary and a result of women making decisions without communicating issues with a partner. This CAN be a problem, but it doesn't really loop back to the enormous effort women are asked to devote to a family and household. To make saving the marriage the onus of the woman feels neglectful.
- I also found the comments about anti-depressants troubling. There are many profiles of medications to address mental illness. Yes, many common side effects are loss of libido, weight gain, and feeling flat. Many people will change medications until they find something that works. The quote around Gen X women from a doctor is that they are "a bit demanding." This does not help with the concerns and shame that women may feel when advocating for their health.
In terms of what worked, I do appreciate the earlier chapters and the grounding of the book in how the divestment in government social supports have eviscerated the ability to get an affordable education, care for oneself and others through medical issues (both short-term and chronic), secure affordable housing, survive in a problematic/racist/sexist labor market, and build toward a secure retirement. The late chapter on the impact of social media also expands the discourse to how older generations, not just Gen Z and Millennials have been impacted by use.
4 stars for ability to articulate Very Specific Feelings & Experiences in a Way that Felt Validating
1.5 stars for another book that seems to center the experiences of upper-middle class white woman as a default, problematic uses of evidence, and troubling language
It is my fault that I picked up this book thinking about how it would address sleep disorders in women. Calhoun's book reads like a long NYTimes Magazine or a piece in the Atlantic, and perhaps this may have felt like a tighter read if it had been in one of those settings. My major issues with this book is that it claims and centers the experiences of white, cisgender, heterosexual women with means as the dominant way to understand women in midlife. This feels very in the lines of Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In."
It features I think once instance of a queer couple and barely mentions the issues of race outside of comparative statistics. The book ends with a game of “Prison or School” of buildings on a drive through rural Texas. While there definitely problems with the way public education is run in the country and it is couched in a review of architecture, it seems like a particularly problematic anecdote given the way the school-to-prison industrial complex disproportionately impacts Black, Indigenous, and people of color. Here, it’s a game.
I have the biggest issues with the framing of some of the evidence. In the first few chapters, I thought this might go in the lines of a Mary Roach, Rebecca Traister, or Peggy Orenstein. Writers (all white women themselves) who approach the issues with evidence while using a tone and anecdote to build connection. Calhoun doesn't get there.
- Despite the title about sleep disorders, it does not mention how the medical field has chronically underdiagnosed sleep disorders in women and instead attributed most issues to depression and anxiety. Obstructive sleep apnea has symptoms that are predominately noticed and attributed to men, and there's an effort to shed more light on how women are impacted by challenges in sleep. I'm shocked that this wasn't brought up.
- The reliance on alcohol as a way to alleviate stress also does not come with any conversation about the increase of alcoholism, the associated health risks, and how these issues can impact individuals/families.
- In discussing the concerns about fertility, she does not take time to complicate how the idea of a steep decline in the 30s is more gradual. In general, the medical research on pregnancy and pregnant people is limited because of the caution exercised in doing research on people who are trying to conceive/pregnant.
- The framing of divorce in chapter 10 as unnecessary and a result of women making decisions without communicating issues with a partner. This CAN be a problem, but it doesn't really loop back to the enormous effort women are asked to devote to a family and household. To make saving the marriage the onus of the woman feels neglectful.
- I also found the comments about anti-depressants troubling. There are many profiles of medications to address mental illness. Yes, many common side effects are loss of libido, weight gain, and feeling flat. Many people will change medications until they find something that works. The quote around Gen X women from a doctor is that they are "a bit demanding." This does not help with the concerns and shame that women may feel when advocating for their health.
In terms of what worked, I do appreciate the earlier chapters and the grounding of the book in how the divestment in government social supports have eviscerated the ability to get an affordable education, care for oneself and others through medical issues (both short-term and chronic), secure affordable housing, survive in a problematic/racist/sexist labor market, and build toward a secure retirement. The late chapter on the impact of social media also expands the discourse to how older generations, not just Gen Z and Millennials have been impacted by use.