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A review by readingwryly
If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier
1.0
I thought this novel was for me. I wanted it to be for me. But alas! It was not for me.
I thought it was interesting that it was written like a letter from the MC to her best friend (who she has never met), second person POV is pretty rare. I appreciated the effect. And I liked that she introduced segments from the actual podcast. I also enjoyed toying with the idea of what the twist was, my favorite part of reading thrillers. But that’s about where my praises end, unfortunately.
Sera’s favorite true crime podcast, “Murder, She Spoke” (great TC podcast name btw) has not released a new episode in a couple of weeks. So naturally, she assumes Rachel (the shows host) has been kidnapped/killed/held hostage, and so she drives across country to find Rachel’s home and begin her investigation.
First of all...what? Is Sera crazy?? Yes, she’s had it hard in her own life, divorced, lost an unwanted pregnancy, lost her job...but what is her motivation for stalking this woman when there is no clear reason to believe anything is wrong at all??
So I’m thinking, okay this is going to be an unreliable narrator trope. Sera’s actually lost her mind, she’s going to get there and this story will be about taking this “true crime trend” too far. I’m thinking it’s going to be a commentary about obsession. So throughout the story, I don’t believe a damn word Sera says or thinks. I think that’s intentional, but it didn’t lead me where I wanted it to.
She gets to the ranch that Rachel’s parents own and finagles her way into a job caring for the horses. No one knows where Rachel went, and no one cares. Her mom says she thinks she was murdered and aloofly drops the subject. Everyone is creepy and sus as hell.
Everyone keeps telling her how happy they are that she’s there, and keeps accidentally calling Sera, “Rachel”. So I’m thinking, okay Sera IS Rachel. She’s obviously looney, she’s had some kind of traumatic experience (murdering a bunch of people), has amnesia, and has created this second life for herself in her mind. I’m thinking that everyone in this small town is playing into it because they want to help her cope with her mental illness. I’m thinking she killed all of these girls and that’s why she has an obsession with true crime.
Everyone she questions is evasive, and SHES NOT ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS. Okay, as a true crime fan, I know what Sera’s character was supposed to be representing, and in my opinion, it failed to achieve that. When someone whispers in your ear to ask if you feel safe...wouldn’t you question why? If someone winds up dead and the police write it off as suicide, wouldn’t you ask what the cause of death was? Wouldn’t you at least ask for an autopsy before writing off any question of possible murder?
A bunch of people die, and they discover it was Rachel’s brother, the priest. Because you’d never suspect the priest! So after Rachel’s entire family is killed (including her brother “the killer”, another assumed suicide, by water poison that kills on skin contact?) Rachel, Sera, and Grace (another assumed victim of the killer that has for some reason been kept alive) live happily ever after on the ranch and turn it into a safe haven for lost women.
BUT WAIT! Sera STILL doesn’t ask the right questions, but Rachel’s ex-friends suddenly decide to talk...and tell her their side of the story. And Sera finds out she was scammed the entire time and it was RACHEL all along.
But why??? Her friends say she may have accidentally killed the first girl (their school friend) and got the taste for killing and then couldn’t stop. Again, I ask BUT...WHY?? I’m not going to go into stats about how unlikely this is, because it’s possible. But I need some back story. What trauma did Rachel go through to make her into such a cold hearted killer? There are female serial killers, but women who kill are likely motivated by money or love...and I don’t see either of these working as a motive in this scenario. And why did her mom cover for her? It doesn’t add up.
After the looong middle section and awkward pacing of this book where nothing happens forever, this twist was such a let down.
So the Sera girl is off her rocker, but not THAT off her rocker. She’s truly just a creep. She’s in love with true crime, and she gets DUPED by true crime! If you’re going to make her into an exaggerated true crime crazed character, can’t she at least be good at solving them?
And then it just ends.
I was going to give this 2 stars, but after dissecting my thoughts throughout this review, I think I need to change it to 1. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I’m so disappointed.
I thought it was interesting that it was written like a letter from the MC to her best friend (who she has never met), second person POV is pretty rare. I appreciated the effect. And I liked that she introduced segments from the actual podcast. I also enjoyed toying with the idea of what the twist was, my favorite part of reading thrillers. But that’s about where my praises end, unfortunately.
Sera’s favorite true crime podcast, “Murder, She Spoke” (great TC podcast name btw) has not released a new episode in a couple of weeks. So naturally, she assumes Rachel (the shows host) has been kidnapped/killed/held hostage, and so she drives across country to find Rachel’s home and begin her investigation.
First of all...what? Is Sera crazy?? Yes, she’s had it hard in her own life, divorced, lost an unwanted pregnancy, lost her job...but what is her motivation for stalking this woman when there is no clear reason to believe anything is wrong at all??
So I’m thinking, okay this is going to be an unreliable narrator trope. Sera’s actually lost her mind, she’s going to get there and this story will be about taking this “true crime trend” too far. I’m thinking it’s going to be a commentary about obsession. So throughout the story, I don’t believe a damn word Sera says or thinks. I think that’s intentional, but it didn’t lead me where I wanted it to.
She gets to the ranch that Rachel’s parents own and finagles her way into a job caring for the horses. No one knows where Rachel went, and no one cares. Her mom says she thinks she was murdered and aloofly drops the subject. Everyone is creepy and sus as hell.
Everyone keeps telling her how happy they are that she’s there, and keeps accidentally calling Sera, “Rachel”. So I’m thinking, okay Sera IS Rachel. She’s obviously looney, she’s had some kind of traumatic experience (murdering a bunch of people), has amnesia, and has created this second life for herself in her mind. I’m thinking that everyone in this small town is playing into it because they want to help her cope with her mental illness. I’m thinking she killed all of these girls and that’s why she has an obsession with true crime.
Everyone she questions is evasive, and SHES NOT ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS. Okay, as a true crime fan, I know what Sera’s character was supposed to be representing, and in my opinion, it failed to achieve that. When someone whispers in your ear to ask if you feel safe...wouldn’t you question why? If someone winds up dead and the police write it off as suicide, wouldn’t you ask what the cause of death was? Wouldn’t you at least ask for an autopsy before writing off any question of possible murder?
A bunch of people die, and they discover it was Rachel’s brother, the priest. Because you’d never suspect the priest! So after Rachel’s entire family is killed (including her brother “the killer”, another assumed suicide, by water poison that kills on skin contact?) Rachel, Sera, and Grace (another assumed victim of the killer that has for some reason been kept alive) live happily ever after on the ranch and turn it into a safe haven for lost women.
BUT WAIT! Sera STILL doesn’t ask the right questions, but Rachel’s ex-friends suddenly decide to talk...and tell her their side of the story. And Sera finds out she was scammed the entire time and it was RACHEL all along.
But why??? Her friends say she may have accidentally killed the first girl (their school friend) and got the taste for killing and then couldn’t stop. Again, I ask BUT...WHY?? I’m not going to go into stats about how unlikely this is, because it’s possible. But I need some back story. What trauma did Rachel go through to make her into such a cold hearted killer? There are female serial killers, but women who kill are likely motivated by money or love...and I don’t see either of these working as a motive in this scenario. And why did her mom cover for her? It doesn’t add up.
After the looong middle section and awkward pacing of this book where nothing happens forever, this twist was such a let down.
So the Sera girl is off her rocker, but not THAT off her rocker. She’s truly just a creep. She’s in love with true crime, and she gets DUPED by true crime! If you’re going to make her into an exaggerated true crime crazed character, can’t she at least be good at solving them?
And then it just ends.
I was going to give this 2 stars, but after dissecting my thoughts throughout this review, I think I need to change it to 1. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I’m so disappointed.