A review by ceruleanshelves
A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid

challenging emotional hopeful mysterious reflective tense medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? A mix
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.5

"i will love you to ruination."
"yours or mine?"

ava reid is just one of those authors where i feel like i'm falling slowly into the book, enveloped by my own senses as the her masterful imagery illustrates her story. it's a slow lull that draws you in, like waves rising on the shore that before you know it, you've reached high tide.

"it began as all things did: a girl on the shore, terrified and desirous."

effy sayre is timid, unassuming, and afraid. she desperately wants to break out of her shell, to spill out the words and dreams inside her, but is paralyzed by fear. she yearns to be a writer, but is resigned as a woman to study architecture instead (as the only woman in her college, it was enough of a fight for that alone). reid cleverly likens the dissociation one may experience post-trauma to being underwater - effy struggles to swim, and her anxiety comes in waves.

the story is about her finding her voice again and breaking to surface, learning to not let herself drown.

the only enemy is the sea.

"it's terrifying."
"most beautiful things are."

reid's use of the sea as a supernatural force, an ever-present threat, a means of escape, and, later, a symbol of peace is poetic and powerful. the storms make for an ominous atmosphere, with saltwater's ability to erode land, ships, and man. but there is also a mystical element, a way of cocooning or stepping out of reality when effy disconnects. the idea of drowning - how one can suffer, silently. "it can take 10 minutes to drown" ianto tells her. that sometimes people pass away weeks later from the aftereffects of drowning. but some people drown for a whole lifetime.

i didn't know how to do anything but wait and drown.

she wondered if you could love something out of ruination, reverse that drowning process, make it all new again.

perhaps a romance is a story with no end at all; where the end is but a wardrobe with a false back, leading to stranger and more merciful worlds.

the romance between effy and preston was a delightful surprise for me. i went into this book as blind as i could be, though i had some preconceived notions about the tone and vibes from art and just seeing posts around. but i hadn't realized there would be such friction between the two of them from the start, effy rebuffed at being stuck in proximity with a literature student (and the envy she felt, only doubled by the fact he borrowed all the books she wanted lol). their banter was delightful, the small seeds and buds of effy effortlessly blooming back into herself. she's never afraid to speak up around him, and the gentleness preston provides her lets her continue to grow and build trust with him. he's the only character who really sees her.

"you'd be surprised how much cognitive dissonance people are capable of."

he hadn't touched her, but saints, she wanted him to.

"you took away all other wanting from me."

ava loves motif and imagery. preston and his glasses, the indents. his cigarettes. the fairy king's dark hair, echoed on master corbenic's arms, as well as ianto's. corbenic's large hands to preston's slim, smooth fingers. angharad's blond hair mixing into the fairy king's dark locks. clear eyes, murky eyes. and water, the ever-present sea. the ceilings leak. the water rises. effy's stomach churns like a violent riptide. reid leaves breadcrumbs for you to trail and mull over. the wavering connection between reality and fable keeps you guessing at what is the truth - and what exactly is truth.

i was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.

it's very hard to believe something when it feels like the whole world is trying to convince you otherwise.

at the heart of this story is a feminist commentary on academics, literature, and society as a whole. women are expected to be meek and unassuming, they are thought to be too capricious and silly for deep thinking, philosophizing, and even storytelling. they are not listened to and when they are, not believed. they are thought to be too childish, but also too tempting. this is a fantasy piece that follows in the footsteps of the #MeToo movement and its lasting effects during the years since.

effy and her story is one that resonated greatly with me. after ASID and lady macbeth, reid is well on their way to securing themselves as a spot as one of my favorite authors.

but if fairies and monsters were real, so were the women who defeated them.
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