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thegranthartley 's review for:
I should have read this book years ago, but I think I was afraid of being convinced that same-sex sexual activity is morally permissible for followers of Christ; I was deeply closeted and self-hating for so long, and I was afraid, I think, that coming to a new conclusion would destroy my life. Fortunately, over the past few years, I have grown so much, become so much more comfortable in my skin as a gay Christian man, and have become convinced of God's unconditional love for me. This book was sitting on my shelf, quietly demanding that I read it, and I finally gave in a couple days ago.
I should start out by saying that I come to this book with a particular perspective: I have been convinced for a long while that same-sex sexual activity is off-limits for followers of Christ, even those who are exclusively attracted to the same sex, and am therefore pursuing lifelong celibacy. I am a part of a community of other Christian sexual and gender minorities who have likewise come to the conclusion that the traditional sexual ethic need not be revised for today. And far from this coming from a place of fear and self-hatred, I can honestly say that my sexual ethics flow out of a deep love for God and gratefulness for his image that I bear. I have not been strong-armed or threatened into celibacy; though I feel I do not have a special giftedness for celibacy, and for a long time the thought of living without sex was absolutely horrifying, it has become a special kind of joy.
Vines has written an articulate, winsome, and persuasive book that has left me unconvinced; while I do believe he has brought up many solid points (about how sexuality relates to personhood, about how certain biblical passages have been misused to oppress sexual minorities, about how patriarchal thinking provides much context to help us understand New Testament teaching on sexuality, about ancient understandings of gender and sexuality, and about the beauty of several core Christian beliefs like incarnation and the image of God), I also feel there are some really serious flaws in his arguments.
As I see it, he never seems to really deeply engage with traditional arguments from natural law (this might stem from his evangelical upbringing, but I was hoping he would try to prove that same-sex sexual activity is itself *good*, not just *permissible*), he has what I consider to be an over-simplistic, low, and otherwise flawed view of celibacy (I disagree that celibacy must always be chosen by people particularly gifted with singleness, and instead believe celibacy is actually a complex mixture of unchosen-ness and chosen-ness; the "gift of singleness" is singleness itself, and not a special dispensation toward abstinence), and (this might be inevitable, but) his language, especially toward the end, seems a bit propagandistic (in that he collapses important distinctions when it comes to things like romance, commitment, and relationships, sweeps traditionally-minded Christian sexual minorities under the rug, especially those of us who do pursue opposite-sex marriage or committed celibate partnerships with someone of the same sex, and paints with too broad of a brush stroke in describing "affirming" and "non-affirming" views, etc.).
I am glad I read this book, even thought I know that it is not the only, or even the best, case for a Christian affirmation of same-sex marriage (and, importantly, same-sex sexual activity) out there. I care deeply about people who have come to very different conclusions than I have about Christian sexual ethics, and I want to understand how they got to believe what they believe (many of them have been influenced by the arguments Vines makes in this book). I have learned a lot from Vines, and I believe that he is genuinely trying to follow Jesus; naturally, he tried to convince me, as best as he could, to come to his same conclusions. But having journeyed alongside him, felt the force of his arguments, and done some wrestling myself, I remain convinced that the traditional sexual ethic (that sex should be reserved for marriage between one man and one woman for life, and that celibacy is equally valid and beautiful alongside marriage) holds up.
I should start out by saying that I come to this book with a particular perspective: I have been convinced for a long while that same-sex sexual activity is off-limits for followers of Christ, even those who are exclusively attracted to the same sex, and am therefore pursuing lifelong celibacy. I am a part of a community of other Christian sexual and gender minorities who have likewise come to the conclusion that the traditional sexual ethic need not be revised for today. And far from this coming from a place of fear and self-hatred, I can honestly say that my sexual ethics flow out of a deep love for God and gratefulness for his image that I bear. I have not been strong-armed or threatened into celibacy; though I feel I do not have a special giftedness for celibacy, and for a long time the thought of living without sex was absolutely horrifying, it has become a special kind of joy.
Vines has written an articulate, winsome, and persuasive book that has left me unconvinced; while I do believe he has brought up many solid points (about how sexuality relates to personhood, about how certain biblical passages have been misused to oppress sexual minorities, about how patriarchal thinking provides much context to help us understand New Testament teaching on sexuality, about ancient understandings of gender and sexuality, and about the beauty of several core Christian beliefs like incarnation and the image of God), I also feel there are some really serious flaws in his arguments.
As I see it, he never seems to really deeply engage with traditional arguments from natural law (this might stem from his evangelical upbringing, but I was hoping he would try to prove that same-sex sexual activity is itself *good*, not just *permissible*), he has what I consider to be an over-simplistic, low, and otherwise flawed view of celibacy (I disagree that celibacy must always be chosen by people particularly gifted with singleness, and instead believe celibacy is actually a complex mixture of unchosen-ness and chosen-ness; the "gift of singleness" is singleness itself, and not a special dispensation toward abstinence), and (this might be inevitable, but) his language, especially toward the end, seems a bit propagandistic (in that he collapses important distinctions when it comes to things like romance, commitment, and relationships, sweeps traditionally-minded Christian sexual minorities under the rug, especially those of us who do pursue opposite-sex marriage or committed celibate partnerships with someone of the same sex, and paints with too broad of a brush stroke in describing "affirming" and "non-affirming" views, etc.).
I am glad I read this book, even thought I know that it is not the only, or even the best, case for a Christian affirmation of same-sex marriage (and, importantly, same-sex sexual activity) out there. I care deeply about people who have come to very different conclusions than I have about Christian sexual ethics, and I want to understand how they got to believe what they believe (many of them have been influenced by the arguments Vines makes in this book). I have learned a lot from Vines, and I believe that he is genuinely trying to follow Jesus; naturally, he tried to convince me, as best as he could, to come to his same conclusions. But having journeyed alongside him, felt the force of his arguments, and done some wrestling myself, I remain convinced that the traditional sexual ethic (that sex should be reserved for marriage between one man and one woman for life, and that celibacy is equally valid and beautiful alongside marriage) holds up.