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A review by paulabrandon
Right Behind You by Lisa Gardner
1.0
Lisa Gardner is one of my favourite authors! I am stunned that she could write something so boring, predictable and SO UTTERLY FUCKING STUPID.
Sharlah Nash is about to be adopted by Pierce Quincy and Rainie Conner. Despite him being a "gifted" profiler and her being a cluey criminologist, they never once bother to check into Sharlah's past, even though she has an older brother, Telly, who murdered their parents when he was 9. Apparently they were just happy there wouldn't be another family member to take her away from them. That sort of willful blindness seems completely out of character for people with pasts like these two have. For God's sake, Quincy's first wife and daughter were murdered by a psychopath! He isn't once going to CHECK THE PAST OF SOMEONE ABOUT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY IN CASE SOMETHING HINKY COULD COME BACK TO BITE HIM?!?!?
It is immediately assumed by everybody that Telly is the murderer because they saw his face when a security camera was shot out. But his face is NEVER seen on videotape when people are actually shot and killed. I'm no lawyer, but isn't that an instant cause for reasonable doubt in any court of law that any public defender could instantly pick up on? You'd just have to argue the possibility of a second shooter, and your client would likely get off! Why does this not ONCE OCCUR TO THE GREAT ALMIGHTY QUINCY, THE GREATEST PROFILER EVER TO PROFILE? When it's laboriously revealed 75% into the story that Telly likely wasn't the shooter, I can't say my mouth dropped open in shock.
Even though THE GREAT ALMIGHTY QUINCY IS THE GREATEST PROFILER TO EVER PROFILE IN THE LAND OF PROFILEDOM, he constantly has rings run around him by a 17 year old boy, who we have previously been told has to go to summer school because he isn't great at learning. But Telly seemingly has the foresight to leave all sorts of clues behind to try and steer Quincy in the direction of believing he is innocent. Completely and utterly fucking ludicrous. It's a good thing Quincy is retired.
And instead of going to this huuuuuuge amount of trouble to leave behind vague clues, how about once just saying, "I'm innocent"? Even when Sharlah ludicrously manages to find Telly when nobody else has been able to, including a tracker (more on HIM later), he just drops even more clues behind for his sister to find later and never once protests his innocence. Or, you know, say "Hey sis, this is what's going down. Can you do this, this and that for me?" I guess because that would be too easy? Who knows? Everything in this book is SO FUCKING STUPID!
We have FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR, FAAAAAAARRRRR TOOOOOOO MANY chapters from the perspective of tracker, Cal Noonan. My God, I just wanted him to fuck off! We'll get a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG detailed chapter about what Cal does to track Telly, only for the next chapter to have someone say, "Cal reckons he's headed this way." Seriously, that's a 30 page chapter THAT CAN BE CONDENSED INTO A SINGLE FUCKING SENTENCE! WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT? I'll tell you: Lisa Gardner thanks a real-life tracker in the afterword, so it's all just a case of Research On The Page, when not a single fucking iota of it is even needed. But Cal persists to be a presence for the entirety of the story, apparently because he has a stake in it, because Telly "shot at my team." Two of which HE MET THAT FUCKING MORNING!!!!
I hated everything about this boring, predictable, pointless, repetitive (Gardner clearly thinks her readers are idiots that can't remember what happened in the last chapter and so repeats everything about 50 times over), plotless pile of tosh. Lisa Gardner should be absolutely ashamed of herself for foisting this swill on her readers, who deserve better from her. Look how much it made me swear! That's when you know I'm mad! It's definitely her worst book ever.
Sharlah Nash is about to be adopted by Pierce Quincy and Rainie Conner. Despite him being a "gifted" profiler and her being a cluey criminologist, they never once bother to check into Sharlah's past, even though she has an older brother, Telly, who murdered their parents when he was 9. Apparently they were just happy there wouldn't be another family member to take her away from them. That sort of willful blindness seems completely out of character for people with pasts like these two have. For God's sake, Quincy's first wife and daughter were murdered by a psychopath! He isn't once going to CHECK THE PAST OF SOMEONE ABOUT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY IN CASE SOMETHING HINKY COULD COME BACK TO BITE HIM?!?!?
It is immediately assumed by everybody that Telly is the murderer because they saw his face when a security camera was shot out. But his face is NEVER seen on videotape when people are actually shot and killed. I'm no lawyer, but isn't that an instant cause for reasonable doubt in any court of law that any public defender could instantly pick up on? You'd just have to argue the possibility of a second shooter, and your client would likely get off! Why does this not ONCE OCCUR TO THE GREAT ALMIGHTY QUINCY, THE GREATEST PROFILER EVER TO PROFILE? When it's laboriously revealed 75% into the story that Telly likely wasn't the shooter, I can't say my mouth dropped open in shock.
Even though THE GREAT ALMIGHTY QUINCY IS THE GREATEST PROFILER TO EVER PROFILE IN THE LAND OF PROFILEDOM, he constantly has rings run around him by a 17 year old boy, who we have previously been told has to go to summer school because he isn't great at learning. But Telly seemingly has the foresight to leave all sorts of clues behind to try and steer Quincy in the direction of believing he is innocent. Completely and utterly fucking ludicrous. It's a good thing Quincy is retired.
And instead of going to this huuuuuuge amount of trouble to leave behind vague clues, how about once just saying, "I'm innocent"? Even when Sharlah ludicrously manages to find Telly when nobody else has been able to, including a tracker (more on HIM later), he just drops even more clues behind for his sister to find later and never once protests his innocence. Or, you know, say "Hey sis, this is what's going down. Can you do this, this and that for me?" I guess because that would be too easy? Who knows? Everything in this book is SO FUCKING STUPID!
We have FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR, FAAAAAAARRRRR TOOOOOOO MANY chapters from the perspective of tracker, Cal Noonan. My God, I just wanted him to fuck off! We'll get a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG detailed chapter about what Cal does to track Telly, only for the next chapter to have someone say, "Cal reckons he's headed this way." Seriously, that's a 30 page chapter THAT CAN BE CONDENSED INTO A SINGLE FUCKING SENTENCE! WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT? I'll tell you: Lisa Gardner thanks a real-life tracker in the afterword, so it's all just a case of Research On The Page, when not a single fucking iota of it is even needed. But Cal persists to be a presence for the entirety of the story, apparently because he has a stake in it, because Telly "shot at my team." Two of which HE MET THAT FUCKING MORNING!!!!
I hated everything about this boring, predictable, pointless, repetitive (Gardner clearly thinks her readers are idiots that can't remember what happened in the last chapter and so repeats everything about 50 times over), plotless pile of tosh. Lisa Gardner should be absolutely ashamed of herself for foisting this swill on her readers, who deserve better from her. Look how much it made me swear! That's when you know I'm mad! It's definitely her worst book ever.