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A review by ev_13
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
2.0
Ignoring the heteronormative connotations and ever present bible/jesus references that are present throughout the whole book (it was published in 1990 originally, I'll cut old mate some slack), I started this book thinking it wasn't so bad.
It was quick and easy to read, and there were a few kernels of knowledge that I actually thought were useful (don't be mislead though, I reckon a good 90% of this "new-found-knowledge" is common sense if you're in a healthy relationship in the 21st century). But not only that, Chapman apparently managed to fix every relationship he discussed in the book. Great, right?! Surely I'll learn some tips and tricks to show my partner a little extra loving.
Wrong. It almost had me. I've already been a little annoyed the whole book at the books lack of diversity and discriminatory language (helloooooo LGBTQI and polyamorous relationships EXIST). Then I started reading the chapter "Loving the Unlovely". Get fucked. No thanks. All this chapter does is promote misogyny and abusive relationships. Love may not always be easy, but it should not "challenge" you, as Chapman refers to being **abused**. You're allowed to have limits, you're allowed to leave. All parties should be able to or willing to make compromises, should be putting in effort. If you don't see the problem with this chapter, then I question your ability to have/understand a healthy relationship where all parties are respected and valued.
I finished the book and worked out my love language is "Quality Time" which actually gave me some insight into what I desire in my relationships, which is the only reason I give this book 2 stars. But its promotion of abusive relationships, the fact that this book is truly only for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples and its clear misogyny has me done. Do not suggest. You can probably find this information somewhere else, written better.
*Will potentially update with suggestions for similar and better books, if I ever decide to read more regarding this topic*
Let me know if you know of any better reads around this topic?
It was quick and easy to read, and there were a few kernels of knowledge that I actually thought were useful (don't be mislead though, I reckon a good 90% of this "new-found-knowledge" is common sense if you're in a healthy relationship in the 21st century). But not only that, Chapman apparently managed to fix every relationship he discussed in the book. Great, right?! Surely I'll learn some tips and tricks to show my partner a little extra loving.
Wrong. It almost had me. I've already been a little annoyed the whole book at the books lack of diversity and discriminatory language (helloooooo LGBTQI and polyamorous relationships EXIST). Then I started reading the chapter "Loving the Unlovely". Get fucked. No thanks. All this chapter does is promote misogyny and abusive relationships. Love may not always be easy, but it should not "challenge" you, as Chapman refers to being **abused**. You're allowed to have limits, you're allowed to leave. All parties should be able to or willing to make compromises, should be putting in effort. If you don't see the problem with this chapter, then I question your ability to have/understand a healthy relationship where all parties are respected and valued.
I finished the book and worked out my love language is "Quality Time" which actually gave me some insight into what I desire in my relationships, which is the only reason I give this book 2 stars. But its promotion of abusive relationships, the fact that this book is truly only for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples and its clear misogyny has me done. Do not suggest. You can probably find this information somewhere else, written better.
*Will potentially update with suggestions for similar and better books, if I ever decide to read more regarding this topic*
Let me know if you know of any better reads around this topic?