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A review by amber_lea84
Know My Name by Chanel Miller
5.0
I feel like this book is the perfect response to the idea that rape culture isn't real. It so perfectly articulates how impossible it is to behave correctly as a woman, and how easy it is (and especially was at the time) to escape responsibility as a man.
This is one of the most poignant and well written books I've ever read. It's filled with well crafted arguments for what is wrong with this situation. She collects every thought and feeling and articulates it perfectly. It gets a little repetitive at times, and I probably would have cut some parts, but I'm totally willing to overlook that because this book is at least 75% pure gold, and the moments that feel a little rambly or repeat a previously made point are a small price to pay for the parts where she distills down what it's like to experience this.
I wasn't expecting to be shocked by this book, but I had no idea this is what the process was like for someone who actually decides to press charges. It's crazy to think this is what it's like to enter the system with all the evidence you could ever need. So much of this book is about the aftermath of her rape and how it impacted her life. Best I can tell, so much of Chanel's trauma was caused by how she was handled by the media, institutions, courts and society at large, and how again and again everything was made about Brock and the impact this was all having on him even though his decisions were the cause. And meanwhile in classic meathead fashion he was making himself the poster boy for responsible drinking, completely glossing over the real problem: consent. That we make it a woman's responsibility to constantly defend herself against intrusion, and not a man's responsibility to control himself. (And to anyone who's thinking to themselves that yes, it is your responsibility to protect yourself, remember: there's no reason a victim should have to defend their choices in court in a situation like this. When someone gets mugged in a bad neighborhood we don't let the mugger go free because the person who got mugged should have known better and not been walking there. If someone steals your car out of your garage we don't go, "Well, was the door open?" Her choices have no bearing on his innocence.)
This is one of the most poignant and well written books I've ever read. It's filled with well crafted arguments for what is wrong with this situation. She collects every thought and feeling and articulates it perfectly. It gets a little repetitive at times, and I probably would have cut some parts, but I'm totally willing to overlook that because this book is at least 75% pure gold, and the moments that feel a little rambly or repeat a previously made point are a small price to pay for the parts where she distills down what it's like to experience this.
I wasn't expecting to be shocked by this book, but I had no idea this is what the process was like for someone who actually decides to press charges. It's crazy to think this is what it's like to enter the system with all the evidence you could ever need. So much of this book is about the aftermath of her rape and how it impacted her life. Best I can tell, so much of Chanel's trauma was caused by how she was handled by the media, institutions, courts and society at large, and how again and again everything was made about Brock and the impact this was all having on him even though his decisions were the cause. And meanwhile in classic meathead fashion he was making himself the poster boy for responsible drinking, completely glossing over the real problem: consent. That we make it a woman's responsibility to constantly defend herself against intrusion, and not a man's responsibility to control himself. (And to anyone who's thinking to themselves that yes, it is your responsibility to protect yourself, remember: there's no reason a victim should have to defend their choices in court in a situation like this. When someone gets mugged in a bad neighborhood we don't let the mugger go free because the person who got mugged should have known better and not been walking there. If someone steals your car out of your garage we don't go, "Well, was the door open?" Her choices have no bearing on his innocence.)