A review by jurizprudence
The Deepwater Bride by Tamsyn Muir

dark emotional funny mysterious medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? A mix
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

2022 so far has been a year of revelations, one of them being that i'd read and adore pretty much anything tamsyn muir wrote, writes, and will write (except the homestuck fics sorry). she has that blend of wit, humour, and beautiful writing in every piece and character she has written that is her trademark alone and i won't ever get enough of it. feels like her way of writing only appeals to a very specific audience, and that audience is me, or at least i fit in that group.


set in a gloomy town where bad omens in the form of octopodes and goblin sharks start appearing in the most unexpected places, this story is about hester blake, a seer, and her search for the sacrificial bride a certain leviathan god will take among the townspeople.

for over 20+ pages this story took me in a roller coaster ride of emotions the same way gideon the ninth did. i kid you not i was crying as i was nearing the end (bc i'm having gtn ending flashbacks ugh and also i got attached to hester and rainbow) but it actually turned up fine so yay shouldn't have worried that much and wasted my tears smh

anyways, here are my favorite quotes and passages from this novelet, just because (MIGHT BE SPOILER-Y):

“In the time of our crawling Night Lord's ascendancy, foretold by exodus of starlight into his sucking astral wounds, I turned sixteen and received Barbie's Dream Car.”  
tamsyn muir and her opening lines, everyone. right off the bat i knew i'm gonna love this. i couldn't explain it but she gets my humour 😩

“For the first time I pitied this pretty girl with her bright hair and her Chucks, her long-limbed soda-coloured legs, her ingenuous smile. She would be taken to a place in the deep, dark below where lay unnamed monstrosity, where the devouring hunger lurked far beyond light and there was no Katy Perry.”

“What about those other girls?

“What, them?” Rainbow flapped a dismissive hand. “Who cares? You're the one I want to like me.”
screaming crying grinning like an idiot 

“Let's go get McNuggets.”

“Miss Kipley,” I said, and my tongue did not speak the music of mortal tongues, “you are a fucking lunatic.”

“That night I thought about what I'd end up writing: the despot of the Breathless Depths took a local girl to wife, one with a bedazzled Samsung.”

“That night I thought again about what I'd have to write: the many-limbed horror who lies beneath the waves stole a local girl to wife, and she wore the world's skankiest short-shorts and laughed at my jokes.”

“First of all, you know damn well you were born in the morning — your mom made me go get her a McGriddle,” said Mar.
mcgriddle!! griddle!! gideon

“The drowned lord who dwells in dark water will claim you. The moon won't rise tonight, and you'll never update your Tumblr again.” 
imagine being sixteen and hearing someone tell you that! i'd laugh and cry simultaneously

“You're a prize dumbass trying to save me from myself, Hester Blake.”

I said, “You're the only one I wanted to like me.” 
<333

“I've come for my bride,” said Rainbow, the abyssal king. “Yo, Hester. Marry me.”
 
WHEN I TELL YOU MY TEARS STOPPED FALLING SO FAST ASFSG LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT DIDN'T REMIND YOU OF CORONA AS DESCRIBED BY JUDITH "A PRINCESS, A KING" tamsyn i see u



am i a person or just a collection of the deepwater bride quotes? yeah i think that's enough to show how much i loved this story i just wish tamsyn will be pushed by some divine spirit to write more abt this world and these characters bc this isn't enough, i need a 400-page novel abt hester and rainbow my new beloveds

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