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readbyryan 's review for:
The Man They Wanted Me to Be: Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making
by Jared Yates Sexton
I picked this book up because I’m interested in our country and the current political climate of division and distrust. I read “Hillbilly Elegy” but I was disappointed in the writing and the balance of personal narrative with a critical look at rural American life. “The Man They Wanted Me to Be” is a memoir first, but it also puts the examples and characters in context. The author does a fair amount of research to compare his own experience with toxic masculinity and the history of gender, the role of gender in our lives, and the sociology of toxic masculinity. Though not what I was expecting, this book was really well written and compelling.
The author, a writer and professor at a Southern university, is clearly critical of the racism, sexism, misogyny, and abuse caused by toxic masculinity. He explains how this type of masculine behavior is exhibited by Trump. In order not to appear weak and feminine, men suppress their own feelings of inadequacy and weakness and perpetrate abuse on each other and themselves to keep the fragic, yet damaging, social construct of masculinity to continue. The author does a great job discussing what masculinity is, the dangers of its toxicity, and the effects of it on men. Sexton contrasts the lives and emotional intelligence of his grandfather’s generation, the “Greatest Generation” of World War 2 and describes how in a post-war world, opportunity and marketing have created a masculine ideal to which no man can achieve. The author goes into detail about his relationship with his own father, and the effects of toxic masculinity on both of them. Even as his father got older, he realized how damaging these attitudes and behaviors are. Continuing with this toxic masculinity, more and more men have eating disorders, substance abuse problems, depression, anxiety.
I don’t know if this book will change the minds of anyone deep in the clutches of these societal constructs, and it certainly doesn’t seem likely to change the attitude towards gender any time soon. But this book was really well done with a compelling narrative, good flow, and interesting information. I recommend the audio version read by the author. ★★★★★ • Audiobook • Nonfiction - Memoir, Gender Studies • Purchased from Apple Books. ◾︎
The author, a writer and professor at a Southern university, is clearly critical of the racism, sexism, misogyny, and abuse caused by toxic masculinity. He explains how this type of masculine behavior is exhibited by Trump. In order not to appear weak and feminine, men suppress their own feelings of inadequacy and weakness and perpetrate abuse on each other and themselves to keep the fragic, yet damaging, social construct of masculinity to continue. The author does a great job discussing what masculinity is, the dangers of its toxicity, and the effects of it on men. Sexton contrasts the lives and emotional intelligence of his grandfather’s generation, the “Greatest Generation” of World War 2 and describes how in a post-war world, opportunity and marketing have created a masculine ideal to which no man can achieve. The author goes into detail about his relationship with his own father, and the effects of toxic masculinity on both of them. Even as his father got older, he realized how damaging these attitudes and behaviors are. Continuing with this toxic masculinity, more and more men have eating disorders, substance abuse problems, depression, anxiety.
I don’t know if this book will change the minds of anyone deep in the clutches of these societal constructs, and it certainly doesn’t seem likely to change the attitude towards gender any time soon. But this book was really well done with a compelling narrative, good flow, and interesting information. I recommend the audio version read by the author. ★★★★★ • Audiobook • Nonfiction - Memoir, Gender Studies • Purchased from Apple Books. ◾︎