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A review by sjcdavidson
Give Birth Like a Feminist: Your Body. Your Baby. Your Choices. by Milli Hill
3.0
I think the beginning of the book was very shaky, and I’m not sure that the middle and the end, though they picked up a bit, every really changed my mind. While she claims not to be, it feels that Milli is deeply hostile towards NHS midwives and obstetricians. I agree that ‘the establishment’ does itself no favours, and as a midwife we know that on occasion, we fail women, and there are so many meetings, initiatives, activism and training sessions to try and turn it around. So I think for Milli to insinuate that midwives either don’t know or don’t care that some women have traumatising births due to a lack of information, is unfair. We know, we care, but she’s right that it is such a huge system that it may take a generation to get to the kind of change we need.
I think encouraging women to see their midwives as antagonists in the birth journey is unhelpful. As a midwife, I am wholly against applying hospital policies for the sake of policies, and I care about reading and following birth plans, so when I come to care for a woman and it’s clear from the tone of her birth plan, that she is prepared to fight me every step of the way to get things that I would do for her without question, makes me feel like we’ve got off on the wrong foot, and interrupted the trusting bond we could have had. I can’t compete against nine months of books and websites and doulas telling her I’m not her friend - the best I can hope for in those births is that by not forming a bond, by standing back, I will do the least to offend her. This works if the birth proceeds normally and I am barely needed, but if things take a turn, I then have the horrible task of explaining interventions and medical recommendations to someone who hasn’t bonded with me and doesn’t trust me to have her best interests at heart at all.
Continuity of carer systems help fight against this, so I have this problem less in my current job, but I know so many colleagues who have this problem on a weekly basis. We need to restore trust. And I know midwives need to earn it, but also, an intervention will always feel wrong if you don’t trust the person offering it, even if they give you all the information and time in the world.
It is not just independent midwives and doulas who are activists for change in the birth room. However, ignoring this first part of the book, Milli has a lot of good things to say about human rights and consent, and a good overview of the law surrounding childbirth. I think it’s great for more women to learn that they don’t have to go along with everything. It is so infuriating when I am cut off in the middle of explaining something because the woman is like ‘sure, do whatever is best’ or worse, ‘do whatever everyone else does’ (!!). I applaud the efforts to encourage women to think carefully about each choice they make. I would just love if it could be emphasised that you can do this by having a heart to heart with your kind and attentive midwife!
I think encouraging women to see their midwives as antagonists in the birth journey is unhelpful. As a midwife, I am wholly against applying hospital policies for the sake of policies, and I care about reading and following birth plans, so when I come to care for a woman and it’s clear from the tone of her birth plan, that she is prepared to fight me every step of the way to get things that I would do for her without question, makes me feel like we’ve got off on the wrong foot, and interrupted the trusting bond we could have had. I can’t compete against nine months of books and websites and doulas telling her I’m not her friend - the best I can hope for in those births is that by not forming a bond, by standing back, I will do the least to offend her. This works if the birth proceeds normally and I am barely needed, but if things take a turn, I then have the horrible task of explaining interventions and medical recommendations to someone who hasn’t bonded with me and doesn’t trust me to have her best interests at heart at all.
Continuity of carer systems help fight against this, so I have this problem less in my current job, but I know so many colleagues who have this problem on a weekly basis. We need to restore trust. And I know midwives need to earn it, but also, an intervention will always feel wrong if you don’t trust the person offering it, even if they give you all the information and time in the world.
It is not just independent midwives and doulas who are activists for change in the birth room. However, ignoring this first part of the book, Milli has a lot of good things to say about human rights and consent, and a good overview of the law surrounding childbirth. I think it’s great for more women to learn that they don’t have to go along with everything. It is so infuriating when I am cut off in the middle of explaining something because the woman is like ‘sure, do whatever is best’ or worse, ‘do whatever everyone else does’ (!!). I applaud the efforts to encourage women to think carefully about each choice they make. I would just love if it could be emphasised that you can do this by having a heart to heart with your kind and attentive midwife!