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A review by marleyrollins
Dracula: The Un-Dead by Dacre Stoker
2.0
Look, I don’t consider myself a literary purist, but this book feels like a prime example of ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should’.
Usually I would never consider a book that’s basically fanfiction, but Dacre Stoker being a descendant of Bram swayed me to pick this up. Unfortunately, despite apparently having access to Bram’s notes, Dacre does an absolute hatchet job with this supposed sequel.
Not only is he nowhere near as talented a writer as Bram- this book is chock full of ham-fisted similes and cheesy, cheesy lines- he also decides for no apparent reason to just absolutely murder our memory of the original beloved characters. If you ever liked the protagonists in Dracula and were at all attached to them, get ready to read them in this novel as aged, bloated, alcoholic drug addicts with issues.
Plus, considering that he’s a direct descendent of the man himself, Dacre seems to have absolutely no qualms about painting Bram in a terrible light too. That’s right- he doesn’t stop at just ruining the characters. Once again, for no reason other than to cause fury, he writes Bram Stoker into the novel as an actual character (which is just totally nonsensical) and in the novel he’s basically a talentless hack fading into obscurity who passes off his book Dracula, which is actually a real life retelling, as actual literature to attempt to salvage his fruitless career. Because, you know, why wouldn’t you paint your family member in this light? Duh.
And if you are super into the slaughter of the existing characters, you might also enjoy the addition of Dacre’s own characters, like the whiny, deluded Quincey Harker, or addled drunk Inspector Cotford, who plays the part of the police officer who’s getting too old for the job but just can’t shake the memory of his cold case he couldn’t solve and has let it drive him mad. Because we’ve never seen that character before. Yawn.
Or perhaps you’ll enjoy the character of Countess Bathory, who is the main antagonist of this novel, again, I don’t want to keep repeating myself, for no logical reason considering the book is f*cking called ‘Dracula the Undead’. Bathory is fairly 2D as villains go, and the only particularly interesting thing about her is that she apparently chose lesbianism as a way to defy god, because your sexuality is both a choice, and a sin. Lovely. Oh, and she’s also a family member of Dracula from back in the day. Which doesn’t make any sense as they never appear in lore together anywhere else, and they came from totally different time periods and countries, but whatever. We move.
Also, all the weird references to the time frame…why?! Dacre Stoker seemed absolutely obsessed with pointing out to the audience that this book was set just after the Victorian period for some inexplicable reason, so he throws in a ton of ridiculous references that were so annoying to read and often just felt crowbarred in for banter. Motorcars going 10 miles an hour, the Wright Brothers, Jack the Ripper, Oscar Wilde, the Titanic, it all gets a mention in here.
Prime example: the whole ‘Elizabeth Bathory is Jack the Ripper’ angle…WHY?! Not only is this super offensive to the victims to have their murder trivialised like this, but it’s just SO stupid.
Also stupid- the unnecessary forcing of steaminess into the book. The whole premise of Dracula and the vampire novel in general is the coded sexuality and the act of being bitten being sensual, but Dacre didn’t get that memo, and just chucked loads of random sex into this book. A prime example is the main villain sneaking into the home of Mina and getting steamy with her, then immediately promising to kill her, but…if you’re in her house, why not just kill her instead of wasting time up her dress? Stupid as usual. Typical male gaze author nonsense.
Speaking of offensive and stupid, there’s a chapter in this book that recalls the final fight that the original group have to open the coffin of Dracula and stake his body where the coffin is being guarded by Roma, and oh my god, the author must use the word ‘g*psy’ about a hundred times. Incredibly lazy, clunky writing, and reading this in 2022, incredibly offensive. Ugh.
And again talking stupidity, this book has some of the worst dialogue you’ll ever read in your entire life. So bad that it transcends badness and lands squarely into the campy, B-Movie, so bad it’s good territory. My favourite line of the book uttered by Mina: ‘Didn’t your Mistress warn you? I’m Dracula’s adulterous whore!’ Incredible stuff.
Usually I would never consider a book that’s basically fanfiction, but Dacre Stoker being a descendant of Bram swayed me to pick this up. Unfortunately, despite apparently having access to Bram’s notes, Dacre does an absolute hatchet job with this supposed sequel.
Not only is he nowhere near as talented a writer as Bram- this book is chock full of ham-fisted similes and cheesy, cheesy lines- he also decides for no apparent reason to just absolutely murder our memory of the original beloved characters. If you ever liked the protagonists in Dracula and were at all attached to them, get ready to read them in this novel as aged, bloated, alcoholic drug addicts with issues.
Plus, considering that he’s a direct descendent of the man himself, Dacre seems to have absolutely no qualms about painting Bram in a terrible light too. That’s right- he doesn’t stop at just ruining the characters. Once again, for no reason other than to cause fury, he writes Bram Stoker into the novel as an actual character (which is just totally nonsensical) and in the novel he’s basically a talentless hack fading into obscurity who passes off his book Dracula, which is actually a real life retelling, as actual literature to attempt to salvage his fruitless career. Because, you know, why wouldn’t you paint your family member in this light? Duh.
And if you are super into the slaughter of the existing characters, you might also enjoy the addition of Dacre’s own characters, like the whiny, deluded Quincey Harker, or addled drunk Inspector Cotford, who plays the part of the police officer who’s getting too old for the job but just can’t shake the memory of his cold case he couldn’t solve and has let it drive him mad. Because we’ve never seen that character before. Yawn.
Or perhaps you’ll enjoy the character of Countess Bathory, who is the main antagonist of this novel, again, I don’t want to keep repeating myself, for no logical reason considering the book is f*cking called ‘Dracula the Undead’. Bathory is fairly 2D as villains go, and the only particularly interesting thing about her is that she apparently chose lesbianism as a way to defy god, because your sexuality is both a choice, and a sin. Lovely. Oh, and she’s also a family member of Dracula from back in the day. Which doesn’t make any sense as they never appear in lore together anywhere else, and they came from totally different time periods and countries, but whatever. We move.
Also, all the weird references to the time frame…why?! Dacre Stoker seemed absolutely obsessed with pointing out to the audience that this book was set just after the Victorian period for some inexplicable reason, so he throws in a ton of ridiculous references that were so annoying to read and often just felt crowbarred in for banter. Motorcars going 10 miles an hour, the Wright Brothers, Jack the Ripper, Oscar Wilde, the Titanic, it all gets a mention in here.
Prime example: the whole ‘Elizabeth Bathory is Jack the Ripper’ angle…WHY?! Not only is this super offensive to the victims to have their murder trivialised like this, but it’s just SO stupid.
Also stupid- the unnecessary forcing of steaminess into the book. The whole premise of Dracula and the vampire novel in general is the coded sexuality and the act of being bitten being sensual, but Dacre didn’t get that memo, and just chucked loads of random sex into this book. A prime example is the main villain sneaking into the home of Mina and getting steamy with her, then immediately promising to kill her, but…if you’re in her house, why not just kill her instead of wasting time up her dress? Stupid as usual. Typical male gaze author nonsense.
Speaking of offensive and stupid, there’s a chapter in this book that recalls the final fight that the original group have to open the coffin of Dracula and stake his body where the coffin is being guarded by Roma, and oh my god, the author must use the word ‘g*psy’ about a hundred times. Incredibly lazy, clunky writing, and reading this in 2022, incredibly offensive. Ugh.
And again talking stupidity, this book has some of the worst dialogue you’ll ever read in your entire life. So bad that it transcends badness and lands squarely into the campy, B-Movie, so bad it’s good territory. My favourite line of the book uttered by Mina: ‘Didn’t your Mistress warn you? I’m Dracula’s adulterous whore!’ Incredible stuff.