You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.
Take a photo of a barcode or cover
mariewordaddict 's review for:
Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close
by Aminatou Sow, Ann Friedman
For a long time, I've aspired to have life-sustaining, deeply intimate, highly involved on a daily or weekly basis, platonic friendships. I picked up this book very soon after I heard of it, because frankly this is something I don't think I've known *how* to do. I have many wonderful friends whom I treasure, but I wanted to get some practical ideas and guidance about how to take those friendships to the next level.
I loved this book. I had a hard time staying engaged in the parts that seemed more of a chronological recounting than deeply insightful. But I was so satisfied with the wisdom shared in other portions, especially toward the end of the book. Highly recommend.
"Most of us are going to have to work to stay in a Big Friendship. We're going to have periods of stretching to the point of strain, and periods when we really need our friend to do the stretching. We're going to have moments when we feel out of sync. Times when we don't feel understood and seen. Situations in which we feel failed by our friend, and other situations in which we are doing the failing. All the rituals and assurances and openness in the world can't make a Big Friendship feel easy all the time. And when it's hard, the only way for a Big Friendship to survive is for both people to decide it's going to. Showing up, in good times and in bad, is the only way to stay in it.
The upside is you get to be seen for who you really are. You get the security of a safe harbor. You get the satisfaction of know ing that you chose each other and continue to choose each other every day. You get to know yourself deeper than you ever thought possible, thanks to this external mirror in the form of your friend. And you get a lot of really good inside jokes.
Not all friendships offer these things. So when you find a Big Friendship that does, hold on to it. Invest in it. Stretch for it. Even when the world is telling you it's fiiiine to let it languish. Even when you're busy. Make a decision to create a world in which Big Friendships are valued as the identity-shaping, life-altering rela tionships they truly are. Start by valuing your own friendships - not just for their pleasures, but for their challenges too.
We can't tell you exactly what this will look like, because every Big Friendship is different. We can't even promise you that it'll work out in the end and that your friendship will be around forever. We're not even sure about our own. But we can say defin itively from our experience: If you take your friendships seriously, you won't regret it. We never have."
Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, Big Friendship - How We Keep Each Other Close
I loved this book. I had a hard time staying engaged in the parts that seemed more of a chronological recounting than deeply insightful. But I was so satisfied with the wisdom shared in other portions, especially toward the end of the book. Highly recommend.
"Most of us are going to have to work to stay in a Big Friendship. We're going to have periods of stretching to the point of strain, and periods when we really need our friend to do the stretching. We're going to have moments when we feel out of sync. Times when we don't feel understood and seen. Situations in which we feel failed by our friend, and other situations in which we are doing the failing. All the rituals and assurances and openness in the world can't make a Big Friendship feel easy all the time. And when it's hard, the only way for a Big Friendship to survive is for both people to decide it's going to. Showing up, in good times and in bad, is the only way to stay in it.
The upside is you get to be seen for who you really are. You get the security of a safe harbor. You get the satisfaction of know ing that you chose each other and continue to choose each other every day. You get to know yourself deeper than you ever thought possible, thanks to this external mirror in the form of your friend. And you get a lot of really good inside jokes.
Not all friendships offer these things. So when you find a Big Friendship that does, hold on to it. Invest in it. Stretch for it. Even when the world is telling you it's fiiiine to let it languish. Even when you're busy. Make a decision to create a world in which Big Friendships are valued as the identity-shaping, life-altering rela tionships they truly are. Start by valuing your own friendships - not just for their pleasures, but for their challenges too.
We can't tell you exactly what this will look like, because every Big Friendship is different. We can't even promise you that it'll work out in the end and that your friendship will be around forever. We're not even sure about our own. But we can say defin itively from our experience: If you take your friendships seriously, you won't regret it. We never have."
Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, Big Friendship - How We Keep Each Other Close