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A review by kristens_bookshelf
Fire of Fates: Ashes of Betrayal by J. D, J. D
1.0
DNFing at 25%
This story feels like a first draft. It needs an editor to go thru it and suggest changes that turns into into something fantastic because right now it's stuck written in a very amateur way. It's overly descriptive, we are being shown and told everything rather than just shown, so it's making things so drawn out. This is 470+ pages and I think cutting down on that would probably lighten it by 100 pages or so. The dialogue between characters is very "after school special" and quite minimal. After a few lines of dialogue there are 3 or 4 paragraphs explaining the emotions behind the words and implications of the emotions and it's all just too much. By the time the next person speaks, it's like "wait, what were they even talking about?".
Every time the rider interacts with its dragon, the connection is explained over and over like it is the first time we are being told about their bond and it's like "yea we get it, they are bonded in a cool special way".
When the FMC and MMC are travelling to the different other kingdoms and talking with their leaders to help join the fight, their explanation at why they should join the alliance is so weak. They travel such a far distance for a 2 minute conversation? That doesn't include that you actually fought the bad guys and saw the corruption first hand to make your plea deeper. Paraphrasing here but, "We can't hold off the enemy much longer and you are next. We need your aid". I wouldn't help them either with that pitiful plea.
I just can't see myself trudging thru 320+ more pages of this.
This story feels like a first draft. It needs an editor to go thru it and suggest changes that turns into into something fantastic because right now it's stuck written in a very amateur way. It's overly descriptive, we are being shown and told everything rather than just shown, so it's making things so drawn out. This is 470+ pages and I think cutting down on that would probably lighten it by 100 pages or so. The dialogue between characters is very "after school special" and quite minimal. After a few lines of dialogue there are 3 or 4 paragraphs explaining the emotions behind the words and implications of the emotions and it's all just too much. By the time the next person speaks, it's like "wait, what were they even talking about?".
Every time the rider interacts with its dragon, the connection is explained over and over like it is the first time we are being told about their bond and it's like "yea we get it, they are bonded in a cool special way".
When the FMC and MMC are travelling to the different other kingdoms and talking with their leaders to help join the fight, their explanation at why they should join the alliance is so weak. They travel such a far distance for a 2 minute conversation? That doesn't include that you actually fought the bad guys and saw the corruption first hand to make your plea deeper. Paraphrasing here but, "We can't hold off the enemy much longer and you are next. We need your aid". I wouldn't help them either with that pitiful plea.
I just can't see myself trudging thru 320+ more pages of this.