books_and_raves 's review for:

5.0

tell me again YA isn't literature, i dare you.

i had the easiest, yet a difficult time reading this book. not only bc the narrative is so infused with envigorating commentary on racism, ageism, the exploration of accountability in place of shaming, mental illness among Black people, on self-love & acceptance and loving people despite their mistakes if they're willing to learn. but bc it's so closely associated with the strands of my being, my personhood. Kacen really dives into the nuances of being a human; the care, hurt, love, resentment, bitterness, everything splayed out in the page for us to see.

and i will never tire of books like this, that challenge my worldviews, that make my thoughts clanker around in my head and make me ponder over my belief system. that make me think about bettering myself. 

what started as an accidental Twitter confession of an unrequited love turned into a raw tumultuous explosion of feelings, emotions, dissecting the depths and dimensions of teenager-ing, of people who want a better world, a world made of acceptance, understanding, love, that realizes the actionable benefits of guilt.

it almost unnerved me how well the book charted the dichotomy of revolutions & uprisings, the cost of them on both sides. and plunges so deeply, exhaustively into the volatile influencial culture, into the rise of social media as our separate personality, our incessant need to present a faux-positive spin on our image online. into cancel culture, threads of shaming & accountability, & how one is not the substitute for the other. into calling in vs calling out. 

and as someone who's perceived as and maybe is perpetually angry at the world, i felt this jab of inherent connection at the messaging that being loud, unrepentent & unapologetically transparent about your trauma & hurt & all the ways the world has failed you does matter. it felt tailor-made for me, at a time when the value in speaking up against the oppression and genocide of another marginalized people held under illegal apartheid is grossly ignored.

kacen's prose almost glides off the margins of the pages, soothing in its simplicity but clobbering in its power to say that our anger & hurt do have a place. and the world does need to hear it. and that people are capable of changing and learning and growing.

this kind of freewriting, its simple and chaotic nature  with a constant flow of thoughts actually brilliantly paints the picture of a neurodivergent person's brain who might have ADHD, autism or both. which was Lark.

i want to extoll about so many things in detail here. should i talk about how kacen poignantly presented humanity in two valleys of characters? there is Kasim and his group of friends who are fiercely uncontrite about their identity, about dismantling systems of racism, queerphobia, bigotry rooted in suffocating patriarchy. and then there's Lark who's more of a pacifist and believes in a love-for-all approach, who doesn't probably know how to love themself yet. 

and it's sublime to witness both sets of teenagers slowly adopt & absorb the other's definitions, if not wholly, but at least enough to understand and accept their differences.

speaking of, Lark's luminous growth into someone who believes in their worth & accept themself, well, luminous. i still ended up sobbing over how beautifully Lark's character was sewn up, how gorgeous, precious, pure their very soul was. i would protect them with EVERYTHING I HAVE. it kinda charred my heart into barely-there ash to see them bullied, buried under racist rhetoric, not just from white people but from their own community too. it unhinged my soul to see them dissolve into self-loathing and suicidal thoughts.

also, the symbolism of Birdie was a majestic touch imo. i believe Birdie was as much the protagonist for Lark's novel as a form of their subconsciousness who could tell them the harsh, grimy truth they're not completely ready for but need to hear. i love that.

it seems incredible to me that there are people, like Lark, who haven't been splintered apart by the archaic systems that were designed with the sole purpose of breaking them. who could still pull through and find the grace to see hope, love another person. they inpire me.

but still, those on the other side of the fence, who can't help wearing their anger and trauma and hurt resentment on their skin like tattoos, who want to disrupt the peace until peace for everyone is achieved, whose only viable attempt of being seen as a whole human being is being loud about it? they're incredibly valid too. kacen does such beautiful justice to both sides.

another thing i applaud it for: how this was one of the VERY few books that painted the picture and aftermath of a pandemic & post-COVID world, instead of maintaining the world hadn't tangentially shifted in 2020.

i also positively swooned over Lark and Kasim, growing from former/estranged best friends to lovers, beijg SO precious and WHOLESOME?? how an unrequited love jumpstarted whole story, but never became the center of it. this is why YA's pull on me is so strong still. it's not just about teenagers figuring out their love lives; YA stories juggle so many real-life, necessary themes accessorized with our adult lives within their rhetorics. the romance doesn't take up all the space in the story. 

so while Kasim and Lark's feelings developing or newly emerging were done in subtle strokes, still the intensity of said feelings overrode their short page-time for me. the way they cared for each other and understood each other despite all the disagreements was the ultimate bliss. they were content and soothing personified. 

also i didn't know this would be a triad (or didn't actually have much idea of triad or polyamory)? i admit i haven't read many of these relationships, but getting it here was such a pleasant surprise. i really liked knowing their dynamics & love for each other and understanding how they made it work.

among other things, the novel was partially focused on them as an aspiring writer and their writing process and those chapters giving detailed view into the ableism/ageism/queerphobia of the publishing industry was one of my favorite parts.

so my final thoughts? i really need everyone to read this book. people say fiction doesn't do shit. but these books relay the real experiences of real people, of real communities and how they have been hurt. racism happens. bullying happens. it's all been happening and burying them under ignorance isn't how you escape it. maybe through lark and kasim we can process it, explore our own failings and traumas and come as much close to healing the world and ourselves as we can.