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A review by soapyyells
The Land of Painted Caves by Jean M. Auel

2.0

Okay to be real I did a re-read of this whole series but I was Skimming Heavily through the first 5 so just logging this one. For those who haven't had the unique pleasure: ultra-smart cavewoman is raised by Neanderthals, single-handedly discovers the domestication of animals (she tames a cave lion, several horses, and a wolf), then screws her 6'6 Aryan Cro-Magnon prince charming into the sunset. And also becomes the Lisan Al-Gaib of her caveman society. Anyhoo,

This is one of the most bonkers book series I've ever read and it probably did irreperable damage to my psyche when I first read it at age 12. Also fun fact my grandmother took me to a book signing with Jean M. Auel at that age, and JMA was wildly demeaning to me when I asked my question, probably because she was weirded out that this 12 year old had read her batshit crazy lightly smutty caveman romance series that is masquerading as fiction in order to cover up a 500,000 word archaeological essay. Like damn lady we get it! You did Real Research on Cro-Magnon society! If you haven't read these I cannot emphasize enough, it'll be like 2 pages of plot, followed by 6 pages explaining the flora and fauna of the arid steppes in Western Europe twelve thousand years ago. It kind of rules even if your eyes are glazing over.

Anyways, thank you JMA for this deranged, loony treatise on what happens if your self-insert mary sue cavewoman becomes the Messiah of early hominid society. Bless the Mother and her Gifts!