suspiciouspinecone 's review for:

Skinny by Donna Cooner
5.0

I've never before read a book where the main character was so unapologetically, obviously, without question, the worst person in the whole book.

Ever is 15 and weighs 302 pounds (for me and every other metric user out there, that's about 137kg). She has a voice in her head called Skinny, which tells her what everyone thinks about her, and it's always bad. Ever is truly convinced that everyone, her Dad, her best friend Rat, her step-sister Briella, the boy she used to be almost dating, everyone at school, thinks she's an ugly freak. She gets a special surgery that causes her to lose weight, so she can a) fit in easier, b) have a chance with the cute boy at school, and c) participate in the upcoming school play.

And things start to change.

But not because she starts to lose weight (although it does discuss the very real, practical benefits of not being obese).

Because her problems weren't caused by her being obese.

It was because she assumed everyone hated her.

It is genuinely so enjoyable to watch Ever realise that the way people actually act towards her (when she isn't being a judgemental jerk and assuming everyone hates her) doesn't remotely fit with what Skinny says they're thinking.

Sure, some real jerks are out there, but most people didn't talk to her because she completely ignored them. She was too absorbed with her self-doubt and hate to notice that they didn't care if she was fat. My favourite moment of this is during drama class, when Ever is acting. Gigi, a girl Ever had never spoken to, later tells Ever that she looked different on stage, she usually looks so "quiet and..." Skinny finishes Gigi's statement "fat," but Gigi says angry. Skinny tries to say that Gigi always hated Ever, that she still hates Ever, but Ever realises she and Gigi have never actually talked before, and that was something that Ever chose just as much as Gigi.

The book continues like this, that Briella didn't dislike her, Ever was always just so angry and defensive they never had a remote chance of getting along. Her stepmother was concerned about her weight, but she was never ashamed of her. Jackson didn't start ignoring her, she started ignoring Jackson because of everything Skinny told her he was thinking. Some of the kids at school did mock her, but they didn't all spend every moment of every day thinking about how disgusting she was.

In the dramatic climax, Ever has a reckoning with Skinny. She forces Skinny to reveal herself, and Skinny is just her. Skinny is Ever, and Skinny is blind (mildly frustrated with the ableism, but the symbolism works). Ever verbally subdues Skinny and sees her value.

Anyway, this book is a study on how self-hate, anger, and walking in rejection lead to actual rejection and self-isolation and how it sometimes takes another person's perspective to see how flawed your worldview was.

There are other things I want to say, but this is already absurdly long, just read it.

CW: self-image problems, obesity, surgery, eating disorders, death, grief