A review by bookcadaver
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

5.0

I have become lost to the world / In which I otherwise wasted so much time.

I think it’s obvious, from how known this book is, that my review is going to be a mess of quotes, emotional breakdowns and poorly formed rambles, which I know will sound like the several other hundred reviews for this book, but I still want give express myself and what this book managed to invoke for me.

A Little Life is a book you probably know, that you may have not read, maybe have DNF’d, loved, loathed, has sat on your shelf for months, collecting dust, sat in the back behind all the other book you’ve been wanting to read or well, you’ve never heard of it, and you’re probably not understanding the hype or mixed feelings that surround this 720 page book. I bought A Little Life in 2020 (which agonises me knowing that Jude, Willen, JB & Malcolm would be in their 30’s at that point in time) and it’s sat, been moved to different shelves, been brought down stairs to start, then put back on the shelf, to then, finally, during a month that I struggle to deal with, picked it up, sat down and finished in four painful, heartbreaking sittings.

Now I want to make this clear, because I’ve seen a lot of reviews claiming this has been one of the most disturbing, painful and horrifying books they’ve ever read, but I personally can't say the same. There’s a lot of things in the book that, for people who haven’t read other books with sensitive content and topics, would definitely struggle with this novel, especially as the story expands, there’s so many reviews saying they had to stop reading altogether because it depressing, sad and traumatic, which I totally understand, but I personally had no issue reading some of the harder moments in this novel, and wasn’t until very late (632 pages) that I finally cried, and felt utter devastation and heartache.

My review isn’t going to be talking about what the book’s about, but how I felt & perceived the novel while reading. It’s a chunky book, a page size I haven’t read in over a year, and although it’s a long book, I wished it was larger, I wish it would have gone further because I didn’t want it to end. I loved how..mundane it was, I loved reading the large words I didn’t understand, the conversations about art, about law, about maths, about where all the characters worked, what they ate, how they spent their holidays, I loved the lack of dialogue, and how there’s full on pages of useless information that doesn’t actually make a difference to the book if it was cut out. A Little Life could have had so much cut from it’s pages, but I glad it wasn’t, I glad that we are forced to read long paragraphs of nothing important, and soon after those long, useless words end, something happens, something dramatic or sad, and it was worth the wait, worth the build up to find out what’s about to happen.

I think my main gripe with A Little Life falls into the weird belief that not everyone is meant to be saved, or can be saved. There was so many opportunities during the novel, so many false threats, and it became increasingly frustrating, because I, personally, think that there’s always a chance for hope, to get better, to improve, no matter how fucked up, disgusting, worthless or grotesque you feel. The novel is full of enablers, it’s full of characters who turn their heads the other way, who give in so easily to Jude’s feelings and wants, because they’re terrified of hurting him, which I absolutely loathed. But the thing is, I understood it, this book isn’t about recovery, it’s not about being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s a book about a man who is so haunted and traumatised, that nobody is able to push through and help him come to terms with what happened, and to show him that he’s worthy of love and happiness.

The thing that took me by surprise was how much I loved Willem. Anytime he showed up, his name was written or it was from his POV, my engagement with the book became so intense due to how much I adored his character. I’d heard so much about Jude, that I wasn’t expecting such an intense feeling to develop for Willem. I see a lot of talk about how devastating life was for Jude, but I felt a lot more for Willem. Willem became one of the saddest characters for me, my heart continuously broke for him & he deserved so much better. Jude went through a lot, which he did not deserve, and he also deserved better, but Willems pain, his trauma, his life deserved better too, and I feel like it’s forgotten about.

Reading A Little Life also managed to bring out some feelings I thought I’d gotten over, which is a blessing and a curse. The relatable feelings I had while reading felt…scary, it made me feel raw, but it also opened up a lot of things I hadn’t realised about my own life, and I’m still not sure how to really work around them, but I feel blessed that a book has been able to tear parts of me open to myself.

I don’t even know what to write for this review or how to end it, because my feelings are so personal and hidden, and it’s a novel that can evoke such different feelings in every single reader, good feelings & bad, and I think that’s what’s so utterly beautiful about it. Everyone who’s picked this book up, has felt such vastly different things, and it’s just, it’s wonderful to me. I loved this book to my core. It’s an experience, an experience I will never forget & I’ll cherish the fact that I was privileged enough to read it.

”It’s a good story” he said. He even grinned at me.
“I’ll tell you.”

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