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A review by ladywestfall
How Do You Like Me Now? by Holly Bourne
5.0
"I think about happiness and how it's possible to be happy for someone even though their happiness makes you feel sad for yourself. I feel like we need a word for this feeling."
Let's leave it to Holly Bourne to always write a book that screams pure honesty. I've never read anything that is as real as this book. The accuracy of the protagonist's thoughts were so on point that it scared the hell out of me. But then, this helped me realize that it wasn't just me. Everyone has been a Tori. Everyone is experiencing this even if we're afraid to admit it. We are living in a society that demands so much from us that we're trying our best living up to it but up to what cost, really?
This book centered on Tori Bailey. An established author of "Who the Fuck Am I?". Her life seem so perfect but it's just not what it seems on the inside. The book focused on some of the underlying issues that we do not discuss so much these days. Being validated, knowing your worth, the extent of a relationship, what the society thinks of you, and just WTF R U DOING?
This book really enlightened me and made me reflect on myself. Why do people need a validation? Why do they always subconsciously try to show and prove other people that they are perfect and happy through social media. Why is it so important to us what people thinks about us? Why is it so important for us to let other people think that we have our life together? We always tend to show people the best side of us even if it is a lie.
It also tackled about how society treats women 'at a certain age'. Is it really necessary for a woman to have a baby? At what age should they conceive? Are women supposed to get married at this certain age? Does it make them less of a person if they aren't in a relationship in their 30s? Why is it so important to us to live with standards that are deemed socially acceptable for most?
Also, I am so not proud that I have had the same thoughts as Tori most of the time. Being in her head made me think like, "I am going to be a Tori when I turn 30." Tori always needed a validation from someone that she is better than other people. Just like the rest of us, right? It fuels us and makes us feel happier about ourselves. When we are at our worst and feel like someone is being at their best, we tend to think of all the ways we are better than them and of all the ways they are worse than us then feel good about ourselves. It's not a thought that we're always proud of but we do think about it all the time even if we didn't know we're doing it. I do not believe for one second that one person is all good on the inside. Can you honestly say that you haven't had any ill thoughts against someone or even to one of your best friends? Have you never compared yourself to somebody else and think how you're better than them? Everyone has flaws. It's just a matter of how we present ourselves to others and how much we let them see our ugliest side.
I also connected to Tori about her feeling like she's being left behind. All her friends are having the time of their life, getting married and having a baby while hers is spiraling down. She may be a renowned author but who cares now when everyone around her is busy taking care of their families. I have also felt the same most of the time. I am 24 and I don't know wtf I am doing with my life. Everyone around me seems to have it altogether but I am here, thinking that there may be plans for me out there. That someday I will get there and that I should enjoy this moment of being alone. The thing is, I love being alone. If not for the pressure of what people will tell me, I would choose this life and stay in my comfort zone. However, the society thinks differently. The clock is ticking and while everyone around me is either getting married or having a baby, I am reading books and pushing potential boyfriends away. Is that so wrong? This is a reality that this book has made me face and confront today.
I totally also understand Tori's thoughts about Tom, her long time boyfriend. It is truly hard for someone to leave a relationship where she has invested everything. Her time, her youth, her emotions and energy. It was a hard decision for Tori at the end to leave him but I was so glad that she had the courage to do it and to finally let herself want things that she should want without feeling guilty.
I have found some comments on how they stopped reading this book after a few pages because they cannot handle how annoying the protagonist is. Tori isn't annoying. Tori is you. Tori is me. Tori is everyone who is lost and sad and depressed about life. You don't admit it but you see so much in Tori that she annoys you because she is your worst self. She's your bad side. It was a reality check we needed. It was too real that we're still afraid to face it. Tori is a character some may find difficult or uncomfortable to read so I'm sure there will be a lot of disagreements about this book.
I am so proud of how Holly wrote this book and how accurately she captured all the feelings and thoughts we all have kept on the darkest side of our hearts and minds. I've always been in awe on how real Holly is in all her books and how she doesn't sugarcoat it. She gives it to us raw and real. We need more authors like this.
I would truly recommend this book to everyone who is struggling or is having a crisis in life even if you're not in your 30s like Tori but let me tell you, this is a hard book to read. Because the truth about ourselves is always the hardest thing to acknowledge. There are still things I'm still afraid to confront even after reading this. Holly laid it all out for us, for me and that got me asking myself, "How do I like myself now?"
Let's leave it to Holly Bourne to always write a book that screams pure honesty. I've never read anything that is as real as this book. The accuracy of the protagonist's thoughts were so on point that it scared the hell out of me. But then, this helped me realize that it wasn't just me. Everyone has been a Tori. Everyone is experiencing this even if we're afraid to admit it. We are living in a society that demands so much from us that we're trying our best living up to it but up to what cost, really?
This book centered on Tori Bailey. An established author of "Who the Fuck Am I?". Her life seem so perfect but it's just not what it seems on the inside. The book focused on some of the underlying issues that we do not discuss so much these days. Being validated, knowing your worth, the extent of a relationship, what the society thinks of you, and just WTF R U DOING?
This book really enlightened me and made me reflect on myself. Why do people need a validation? Why do they always subconsciously try to show and prove other people that they are perfect and happy through social media. Why is it so important to us what people thinks about us? Why is it so important for us to let other people think that we have our life together? We always tend to show people the best side of us even if it is a lie.
It also tackled about how society treats women 'at a certain age'. Is it really necessary for a woman to have a baby? At what age should they conceive? Are women supposed to get married at this certain age? Does it make them less of a person if they aren't in a relationship in their 30s? Why is it so important to us to live with standards that are deemed socially acceptable for most?
Also, I am so not proud that I have had the same thoughts as Tori most of the time. Being in her head made me think like, "I am going to be a Tori when I turn 30." Tori always needed a validation from someone that she is better than other people. Just like the rest of us, right? It fuels us and makes us feel happier about ourselves. When we are at our worst and feel like someone is being at their best, we tend to think of all the ways we are better than them and of all the ways they are worse than us then feel good about ourselves. It's not a thought that we're always proud of but we do think about it all the time even if we didn't know we're doing it. I do not believe for one second that one person is all good on the inside. Can you honestly say that you haven't had any ill thoughts against someone or even to one of your best friends? Have you never compared yourself to somebody else and think how you're better than them? Everyone has flaws. It's just a matter of how we present ourselves to others and how much we let them see our ugliest side.
I also connected to Tori about her feeling like she's being left behind. All her friends are having the time of their life, getting married and having a baby while hers is spiraling down. She may be a renowned author but who cares now when everyone around her is busy taking care of their families. I have also felt the same most of the time. I am 24 and I don't know wtf I am doing with my life. Everyone around me seems to have it altogether but I am here, thinking that there may be plans for me out there. That someday I will get there and that I should enjoy this moment of being alone. The thing is, I love being alone. If not for the pressure of what people will tell me, I would choose this life and stay in my comfort zone. However, the society thinks differently. The clock is ticking and while everyone around me is either getting married or having a baby, I am reading books and pushing potential boyfriends away. Is that so wrong? This is a reality that this book has made me face and confront today.
I totally also understand Tori's thoughts about Tom, her long time boyfriend. It is truly hard for someone to leave a relationship where she has invested everything. Her time, her youth, her emotions and energy. It was a hard decision for Tori at the end to leave him but I was so glad that she had the courage to do it and to finally let herself want things that she should want without feeling guilty.
I have found some comments on how they stopped reading this book after a few pages because they cannot handle how annoying the protagonist is. Tori isn't annoying. Tori is you. Tori is me. Tori is everyone who is lost and sad and depressed about life. You don't admit it but you see so much in Tori that she annoys you because she is your worst self. She's your bad side. It was a reality check we needed. It was too real that we're still afraid to face it. Tori is a character some may find difficult or uncomfortable to read so I'm sure there will be a lot of disagreements about this book.
I am so proud of how Holly wrote this book and how accurately she captured all the feelings and thoughts we all have kept on the darkest side of our hearts and minds. I've always been in awe on how real Holly is in all her books and how she doesn't sugarcoat it. She gives it to us raw and real. We need more authors like this.
I would truly recommend this book to everyone who is struggling or is having a crisis in life even if you're not in your 30s like Tori but let me tell you, this is a hard book to read. Because the truth about ourselves is always the hardest thing to acknowledge. There are still things I'm still afraid to confront even after reading this. Holly laid it all out for us, for me and that got me asking myself, "How do I like myself now?"