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A review by ph_vulgar
Slathbog's Gold by M.L. Forman
2.0
This… was not a good book. I'd say beware of spoilers below, but the book is so cliche and uninspired there is absolutely nothing in it that can't be predicted from the first three chapters on.
It wasn’t particularly offensive in any way which is really the only thing saving it from a one start review from me, but that’s half the problem right there. This book didn’t do much of anything really. And what it did do was bad.
Allow me to elaborate by introducing you to Alex, the book’s main character. Alex is an orphan boy living a normal life in a setting so thoroughly undetermined that it could be happening anytime and anywhere, from 1800s London to 1980s Brooklyn. There is a slight impression that it’s a somewhat modern world, but there are no mentions of modern trappings to the point where I fear I might just be projecting.
But don’t worry, Alex doesn’t have to stay in this strange unidentified world for long, because before you know he’s entering a magic bookshop and being whisked away into a classic medieval fantasy setting filled with your staple dwarves, elves, and dragon.
I’ll take this moment to derail from my upcoming critique here, to mention that this is, in fact, the strongest part of the book. It runs on a premise that adventurers are 'around us', living normal lives, but when they go adventuring they step through a magical portal of some kind to distant lands. When they return from their adventures and their home world they will find that only a few hours have passed (even if their adventure has taken years) and they can go back to their normal lives until they get itchy feet again.
I love the idea of this concept and would have loved it even more if it had been expanded upon more thoroughly. In theory a system like this would allow an adventurer to roam a world for hundreds of years thanks to this bit of time distortion. It’d be amazing to see even a hint of what kind of effect they could exert on these worlds socially, politically, etc.
(Also I like it because it's very 'game-y' and roleplaying games of all sorts are my biggest hobby weakness.)
Alas, it is a squandered potential. Always sitting there under the surface. The author even brushes up and scratches upon the idea on occasion, but it is never given the glory it deserves.
Let’s get back to the critique, shall we?
Now, Alex, as soon as he sets out on his adventure is perfect. Every encounter with monsters or enemies, it is Alex that kills them. Every major political figure that is encountered is falling over themselves to make friendly with him. Everyone in his adventuring group loves him.
Oh yeah, Alex’s adventuring group of friends. Ranging from old veterans to young men who are almost as new at adventures as Alex himself. Don’t feel bad if you forget about them (most the time I forgot that there was more than one dwarf in the group as Dwarf #2 gets maybe all of five lines in the whole story), feels like the author does too half the time. They are background noise that exist purely to repeatedly repeat how special and great and different Alex is, have the reader told how they eat and drink a whole bunch, and NEVER DO ANYTHING it seems.
That last one. That’s the biggest most difficult part of the book to swallow. Remember how I mentioned that Alex kills the enemies in every encounter? This group of people he’s travelling with, even the old veterans who you would naturally expect to be better/more skilled than some 15 year old kid on his first road trip, fail to do anything in any of these encounters beyond serve as Alex’s cheer squad.
How bad does this get? You might note the cover of the book has a dragon on it, the book’s title is even the dragon’s name. The dragon himself, Slathbog, stomps about for a grand total of maybe 2 to 3 pages (depending on your copy of the book) before Alex kills it. That’s it. The end. The big bad monster that’s on the title and cover of the book has a physical appearance for one scene and then is no more.
And Alex’s companions? They were mostly useless. The one of them that managed to nick the dragon had to then promptly be saved by… You guessed it, Alex!
I also need to take a detour here to mention that there are only two women characters in the whole book. Two. And they are both old, powerful, idealized, magic women, who’s descriptions are near identical. I’m not saying that there is some fetishizing going here, just the hallmarks of it. It’s made even more notable when the beginning of the book even mentions ‘by the way girl adventurers DO exist’ as if dropping that line is somehow a carte blanch pass for such a ridiculously male dominated cast. Over 15 named characters and only two of them are women, that’s some real gender skew right there.
Beyond the fact that the book is better titled ‘Alex’s Perfect Amazing Adventure – The Story of How Alex is the most Special of All’ it is an uninspired ‘fantasy by numbers’ kind of production. Elves, Dwarves, Wizards, Dragons, Trolls, all exist in the book exactly the same as they have in dozens of others with the one fatal flaw being that the reader should (for some unfathomable reason) be impressed by their sheer existence. There isn’t even any social or political conflict to speak of. It’s mentioned in one town, a magistrate having a bandit problem, but as soon as we are told of this kind of conflict the group’s moved on. We are told the Dwarves are guarding and secretive about their mountain home and treasure, but we sure don’t see much of that kind of socio-political reticence. Alex kills a bunch of wraiths in some 'haunted ruins' but these ruins are never described (not a single line) but we are TOLD that this is very amazing. So amazing the Elves throw a feast for his accomplishment. Which we are TOLD is special, except we are TOLD in the next two paragraphs that... there were bunches of other feasts while the adventurers were with the elves.
The book does a lot of ‘telling.’ Elves are special and magical because we are TOLD they are. The adventuring group of friends are forming a close friendship we are TOLD. Alex SAYS he feels fear and anxiety. But none of these things are ever shown. We don’t see the group slowly coming together through conflict or meshing of dynamics. Alex never acts anxious or afraid.
We are told the dragon has desolated an entire kingdom. This might have more of an impact if said kingdom, or its ruins, were ever described. We are told the Elves live in the Dark Forest. They might as well in ponyville for all the descriptions of said forest the text bothered to give (a grand total of two lines mentioning that houses are grown into trees). The text between the characters is just as empty and non-existent. Which is actually a major issue for Alex as a character himself.
One of the main themes of the story is that Alex builds a strong bond with his group. So strong that he is able to fight off the forces of darkness and death with the power of friendship. But none of it has any real pull or impact as none of the other characters in the group have been allowed to step forward and be seen as actual characters and people in their own right. All they are is one line descriptives, broody one, the one that loves to joke and eat, the elf, the dwarf, the leader. They never act on their own, never step out of line or aid in the conflicts, nor change or express unique opinions throughout the adventure. Because of this there is no connection between them and the reader so Alex’s choice to not betray them is utterly meaningless.
And it’s even worse in the ‘climactic’ battle against the dragon. In the ruins of a city that doesn't get a single line of description past earlier mentions in the story, the big bad monster is slain within a single page, and none of it has any meaning at all. The reader was never exposed to what kind of destruction the dragon did, did not see any people suffering because of his presence, Slathbog himself was a non-entity that had no physical presence up until the very chapter he was killed in. We know the dragon was evil only because we are told he did evil things, oh and Alex looked into its eyes and saw evil in its soul because Alex is special like that.
The climax, because of this lack of build up, just was… not very climactic at all. No tension, no pressure, no feeling of any resolution at the end of it all.
Ultimately the book is just flat. It has no ups, but some really terrible pot holes that just make reading it an uncomfortably bumpy ride. As I mentioned in the beginning, it’s not egregiously offensive in any way but it just has nothing going for it that would set it apart from other books (fantasy or otherwise). It’s a mishmash of fantasy tropes that have been executed better, with more depth, more skill, more creativity, and more fun in dozens of other books.
If you’re looking for ‘The Hobbit of the Rings (Light)’ (because every major point in the book is a direct rip off of that series) than this might be the book for you. Otherwise, your money and time are better spent elsewhere.
It wasn’t particularly offensive in any way which is really the only thing saving it from a one start review from me, but that’s half the problem right there. This book didn’t do much of anything really. And what it did do was bad.
Allow me to elaborate by introducing you to Alex, the book’s main character. Alex is an orphan boy living a normal life in a setting so thoroughly undetermined that it could be happening anytime and anywhere, from 1800s London to 1980s Brooklyn. There is a slight impression that it’s a somewhat modern world, but there are no mentions of modern trappings to the point where I fear I might just be projecting.
But don’t worry, Alex doesn’t have to stay in this strange unidentified world for long, because before you know he’s entering a magic bookshop and being whisked away into a classic medieval fantasy setting filled with your staple dwarves, elves, and dragon.
I’ll take this moment to derail from my upcoming critique here, to mention that this is, in fact, the strongest part of the book. It runs on a premise that adventurers are 'around us', living normal lives, but when they go adventuring they step through a magical portal of some kind to distant lands. When they return from their adventures and their home world they will find that only a few hours have passed (even if their adventure has taken years) and they can go back to their normal lives until they get itchy feet again.
I love the idea of this concept and would have loved it even more if it had been expanded upon more thoroughly. In theory a system like this would allow an adventurer to roam a world for hundreds of years thanks to this bit of time distortion. It’d be amazing to see even a hint of what kind of effect they could exert on these worlds socially, politically, etc.
(Also I like it because it's very 'game-y' and roleplaying games of all sorts are my biggest hobby weakness.)
Alas, it is a squandered potential. Always sitting there under the surface. The author even brushes up and scratches upon the idea on occasion, but it is never given the glory it deserves.
Let’s get back to the critique, shall we?
Now, Alex, as soon as he sets out on his adventure is perfect. Every encounter with monsters or enemies, it is Alex that kills them. Every major political figure that is encountered is falling over themselves to make friendly with him. Everyone in his adventuring group loves him.
Oh yeah, Alex’s adventuring group of friends. Ranging from old veterans to young men who are almost as new at adventures as Alex himself. Don’t feel bad if you forget about them (most the time I forgot that there was more than one dwarf in the group as Dwarf #2 gets maybe all of five lines in the whole story), feels like the author does too half the time. They are background noise that exist purely to repeatedly repeat how special and great and different Alex is, have the reader told how they eat and drink a whole bunch, and NEVER DO ANYTHING it seems.
That last one. That’s the biggest most difficult part of the book to swallow. Remember how I mentioned that Alex kills the enemies in every encounter? This group of people he’s travelling with, even the old veterans who you would naturally expect to be better/more skilled than some 15 year old kid on his first road trip, fail to do anything in any of these encounters beyond serve as Alex’s cheer squad.
How bad does this get? You might note the cover of the book has a dragon on it, the book’s title is even the dragon’s name. The dragon himself, Slathbog, stomps about for a grand total of maybe 2 to 3 pages (depending on your copy of the book) before Alex kills it. That’s it. The end. The big bad monster that’s on the title and cover of the book has a physical appearance for one scene and then is no more.
And Alex’s companions? They were mostly useless. The one of them that managed to nick the dragon had to then promptly be saved by… You guessed it, Alex!
I also need to take a detour here to mention that there are only two women characters in the whole book. Two. And they are both old, powerful, idealized, magic women, who’s descriptions are near identical. I’m not saying that there is some fetishizing going here, just the hallmarks of it. It’s made even more notable when the beginning of the book even mentions ‘by the way girl adventurers DO exist’ as if dropping that line is somehow a carte blanch pass for such a ridiculously male dominated cast. Over 15 named characters and only two of them are women, that’s some real gender skew right there.
Beyond the fact that the book is better titled ‘Alex’s Perfect Amazing Adventure – The Story of How Alex is the most Special of All’ it is an uninspired ‘fantasy by numbers’ kind of production. Elves, Dwarves, Wizards, Dragons, Trolls, all exist in the book exactly the same as they have in dozens of others with the one fatal flaw being that the reader should (for some unfathomable reason) be impressed by their sheer existence. There isn’t even any social or political conflict to speak of. It’s mentioned in one town, a magistrate having a bandit problem, but as soon as we are told of this kind of conflict the group’s moved on. We are told the Dwarves are guarding and secretive about their mountain home and treasure, but we sure don’t see much of that kind of socio-political reticence. Alex kills a bunch of wraiths in some 'haunted ruins' but these ruins are never described (not a single line) but we are TOLD that this is very amazing. So amazing the Elves throw a feast for his accomplishment. Which we are TOLD is special, except we are TOLD in the next two paragraphs that... there were bunches of other feasts while the adventurers were with the elves.
The book does a lot of ‘telling.’ Elves are special and magical because we are TOLD they are. The adventuring group of friends are forming a close friendship we are TOLD. Alex SAYS he feels fear and anxiety. But none of these things are ever shown. We don’t see the group slowly coming together through conflict or meshing of dynamics. Alex never acts anxious or afraid.
We are told the dragon has desolated an entire kingdom. This might have more of an impact if said kingdom, or its ruins, were ever described. We are told the Elves live in the Dark Forest. They might as well in ponyville for all the descriptions of said forest the text bothered to give (a grand total of two lines mentioning that houses are grown into trees). The text between the characters is just as empty and non-existent. Which is actually a major issue for Alex as a character himself.
One of the main themes of the story is that Alex builds a strong bond with his group. So strong that he is able to fight off the forces of darkness and death with the power of friendship. But none of it has any real pull or impact as none of the other characters in the group have been allowed to step forward and be seen as actual characters and people in their own right. All they are is one line descriptives, broody one, the one that loves to joke and eat, the elf, the dwarf, the leader. They never act on their own, never step out of line or aid in the conflicts, nor change or express unique opinions throughout the adventure. Because of this there is no connection between them and the reader so Alex’s choice to not betray them is utterly meaningless.
And it’s even worse in the ‘climactic’ battle against the dragon. In the ruins of a city that doesn't get a single line of description past earlier mentions in the story, the big bad monster is slain within a single page, and none of it has any meaning at all. The reader was never exposed to what kind of destruction the dragon did, did not see any people suffering because of his presence, Slathbog himself was a non-entity that had no physical presence up until the very chapter he was killed in. We know the dragon was evil only because we are told he did evil things, oh and Alex looked into its eyes and saw evil in its soul because Alex is special like that.
The climax, because of this lack of build up, just was… not very climactic at all. No tension, no pressure, no feeling of any resolution at the end of it all.
Ultimately the book is just flat. It has no ups, but some really terrible pot holes that just make reading it an uncomfortably bumpy ride. As I mentioned in the beginning, it’s not egregiously offensive in any way but it just has nothing going for it that would set it apart from other books (fantasy or otherwise). It’s a mishmash of fantasy tropes that have been executed better, with more depth, more skill, more creativity, and more fun in dozens of other books.
If you’re looking for ‘The Hobbit of the Rings (Light)’ (because every major point in the book is a direct rip off of that series) than this might be the book for you. Otherwise, your money and time are better spent elsewhere.