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namjooningihope5 's review for:

Wasted by Marya Hornbacher
5.0

This book is a roller coaster of sadness and disbelief that someone as young as Marya in this book was, went through all of it. And most of the time alone.

I have an eating disorder. I'm still getting used to writing that out. It's not "bad" but no form of an ED is "good", no matter if you only purge once or twice or more. It's not good. I've relapsed and recovered and relapsed and recovered and it goes on and on until I cease to exist I suppose.

Marya's ED was extreme in a way you see textbooks warn you about. When you think anorexia, your mind probably jumps to a walking skeletal girl with thinning hair and a slow gait. That's extreme. Marya was knocking at death's door and the door nearly opened, that's how "bad" her ED was.

I admire her for her honesty. It's not pretty. Some parts are so disturbing that I would sit the book down to read another day. It's the longest I've ever read one book. I could only read it a few pages at a time. Towards the end I raced to the last page because I just wanted to be DONE. It was so much pain in her life I wanted a happy ending I guess. Well you don't get one. You get an ending, but it's not that Lifetime movie where there's a cake and she eats it without worrying and a pop song of uplifting lyrics swells in the background.

The ending is real. It's sobering. You see the consequences of what happened. You're happy she's alive, but she's still suffering.

This book is not for people who are relapsing into their ED. It's vivid and triggering and full of tips and tricks one may not have known and may think, oh yeah, I should try that. I'm going to be honest and say I got ideas too which leaves me feeling ashamed in a way I'll have to discuss with my therapist I see currently. I feel this book should come with an automatic group therapy to discuss how it affected your life if you have an ED. It's a lot to take in.

But overall it's a great memoir. I can't believe she put this out in her early 20's. Amazing. Horrifying she lived through something like that so young, but wow, she put together a book like this in her 20's.