cassafrassandfries 's review for:

The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith
5.0
challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven: A mix
Strong character development: Yes
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes
(TW: rape/sexual assault)
Wow. This was a recommendation from my niece a few months ago. I started it without reading the blurb or asking what it was about, and quickly discovered that it starts with the sexual assault of a young teen. At the time, I was jarred by it (and maybe a little horrified that my niece didn’t warn me!!) and put it on the “to read some other time” pile. I finally picked it back up recently and could. not. put. it. down. I absolutely love the way that this is written as a “train of thought” narration from the protagonist. It really puts you in the mind of a high school girl in a way that doesn’t feel trite, and is entirely believable. The contents of the book are essentially the downward spiral of a young woman unable to cope with this trauma, and it reads as a series of worsening decisions and awful things. It’s, at times, difficult to read, just due to the nature of the content. The book spans her high school experience, starting from the assault at the beginning of her freshman year, and following her through all four years of high school. We see how this trauma has impacted all of her relationships, decisions, academics, her self worth, her family, etc. While I’m sure there are other portrayals of this type of trauma, and perhaps books with more depth, I think what made this such an engaging read is how real her inner dialogue and monologue felt to me. Having been a confused teen myself (ok it was 15 years ago for me, but I remember it vividly!), this felt true to life. This feels like, though fictional, an important story to tell about just how far-reaching the effects of a sexual assault can be. While Eden’s story might be fictional, this is a very real story for so many young women. Not a fun read by any stretch of the imagination, but engaging and powerful. Highly recommend! Thanks to my niece for recommending and thanks to Katie for letting your daughter read things like this - stories that will hopefully keep her safe and give her the power to help herself and others.
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