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A review by twistingsnake
How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not to by Janis A. Spring
4.0
I've never read a book on forgiveness apart from a religious bias. Spring pulls from all walks of life to craft How Can I Forgive You? Quoting Rabis, Pastors, Life Coaches, and Yogis. Her years of marriage counseling come in to play in her scenarios and experience but it's a book for anyone who has ever been hurt and isn't sure how to create forgiveness from the wounds. I'm passionate about forgiveness but my body count of people I've actually been able to absolve is low. I read this in a time where the overwhelming anger and guilt I had toward the people I had been unable to let go of was distracting me from my day to day and I was desperate for new answers.
Spring approach is not that forgiveness is the end all, the holy grail of emotional enlightenment. She's the first author I've read that offers acceptance as a path of healing. I read the chapter where she outlines that the act of accepting the injustice, accepting the anger and the grief and the rage, accepting the dues you will never receive and the pain that you've suffered, and ultimately accepting the reality and allowing yourself to move on. She argues kindly for the case of forgiveness as well but even more so that the victim can and should choose whatever path they feel comforted the most in.
I especially appreciated the chapter directed to the person seeking forgiveness. Spring's experience with complicated perpetrators shines through in her empathy but take-no-prisoners-accept-no-bullshit attitude is tonally perfect. There are people who I have/should ask forgiveness of and to be talked to in such a direct way was a respect that few resources offer.
I think anyone who has ever been in an emotional relationship should give this a read. I didn't forgive anyone after finishing it but I did offer acceptance to the people that I've given the majority of my anger too and I breathed a little easier after. 4 stars.
Spring approach is not that forgiveness is the end all, the holy grail of emotional enlightenment. She's the first author I've read that offers acceptance as a path of healing. I read the chapter where she outlines that the act of accepting the injustice, accepting the anger and the grief and the rage, accepting the dues you will never receive and the pain that you've suffered, and ultimately accepting the reality and allowing yourself to move on. She argues kindly for the case of forgiveness as well but even more so that the victim can and should choose whatever path they feel comforted the most in.
I especially appreciated the chapter directed to the person seeking forgiveness. Spring's experience with complicated perpetrators shines through in her empathy but take-no-prisoners-accept-no-bullshit attitude is tonally perfect. There are people who I have/should ask forgiveness of and to be talked to in such a direct way was a respect that few resources offer.
I think anyone who has ever been in an emotional relationship should give this a read. I didn't forgive anyone after finishing it but I did offer acceptance to the people that I've given the majority of my anger too and I breathed a little easier after. 4 stars.