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challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
My body knows. Of course physical sensations, just like rage, have a purpose. They are signals, indicators, meant to lead us to truths. But I don’t listen, for fear of what they might reveal.
A reflective and melancholic read, Em Rata lets us into her world to see a little more about the costs of fame; its entanglement with beauty and desire. It’s a giant red flag for the boys club industry that stories like these are not unfamiliar, but I can appreciate very much the reflective nature this story - the author explains injustice and the perspectives that hindsight brings, but does not lay total blame anywhere. She writes about what she accepted and why, recognising that situations were often inherently abusive, misogynistic, unequal; that power dynamics played an important role in much of her own decisions. However, the attitude of ‘I knew what I was doing’ and taking ownership of nudity - it’s all in this intense patriarchal and capitalist circumstance that feels, honestly, a little hopeless and reactionary, defensive even? There are moments in the book where this is recognised too, touched upon, but it definitely left me wondering how she really feels. The rage and expression of anger that Rata writes about in the final chapters is one step towards coming to terms with what’s happened and how she wants to move forward, but especially knowing about the divorce that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t know. It’s an unfinished story, and I’m not entirely sure I’m invested in what comes next. In any case, I found it to be a cathartic read, not for myself but for the author, and a unique glimpse into a life entirely unlike mine, with problems I do not relate to. And perhaps this is what I found more interesting, looking inward to compare and better understand my own life experiences. I believe and trust what I’m reading about, and hear about from other women, and recognise that I don’t experience men, in particular, this way. It made me think more concretely about why this is - that I’ve never been ‘available’, not immediately or conventionally attractive, not in male-dominated spaces (or at least not without my husband). The not being taken seriously, sure, the having to unlearn my own misogyny, yes, the living outside of my body and watching myself move through the world, yes. I enjoyed the challenge this book gave to consider the way the patriarchy impacts women overall, especially in entertainment, but it might’ve been more powerful with a more specific thesis or a clearer red thread, beyond my body.
As you can tell, My Body has spurred my thoughts and I look forward to discussing it with the book club, for sure.
Other quotes I liked:
“How had I already been introduced to the concept of competition between women before I had even learned to read?”
“The world celebrates and rewards women who are chosen by powerful men. I couldn’t help but wonder whether those women were actually the smart ones, playing the game correctly.”