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A review by networklvrs
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
4.0
*4.5
TWs in this book - Pedophilia, rape, assault, gaslighting, death, child pornography, grooming, suicide
This novel follows a woman named Vanessa who had an affair with her teacher in the past. She was 15 and he was in his mid forties. It chronicles through her in high school and her in the present as she battles her conflicting emotions about her relationship with her former teacher.
"When Strane and I met, I was fifteen and he was 42, a near perfect 30 years between us. That's how I described the difference back then - perfect. I love the math of it, three times my age, how easy it was to imagine three of me fitting inside him: one curled around his brain, another around his heart, the third turned to liquid and sliding through his veins."
The beginning of this book (there are two distinct parts in this book that alternate between chapters; her in 2017 and her in 2000) shows Vanessa looking at a FB post of another victim speaking out about her experience by her former teacher. At first, she blamed it all on the woman. She constantly insisted that it was not her teachers fault, and that she “wanted it”. She begins to apply that to her own experience, reassuring herself that it was love the whole time. But as time goes on, she realizes that she was being impacted of what she thought as a teenager.
“I can’t lose the thing I’ve held on to for so long. You know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.”
More than once I had to put this book down and take a couple of deep breaths. The things that Vanessa went through when she was young are very graphic. She always reassuring that she would stop it if she wanted to, and that she was always in control of the situation despite him barely asking for consent. “I have power. Power to make it happen. Power over him. I was an idiot for not realizing this sooner.” Despite her constantly telling herself this, he ends up infiltrating almost her every thought and action. As she gets older she realizes that the man she thought that loved her took advantage of her. It’s horrific and uncomfortable, and despite this being a work of fiction, men like Strane being able to get away with these kinds of things constantly happens.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially to people who are negatively affected and triggered by the things that happen in this book.
TWs in this book - Pedophilia, rape, assault, gaslighting, death, child pornography, grooming, suicide
This novel follows a woman named Vanessa who had an affair with her teacher in the past. She was 15 and he was in his mid forties. It chronicles through her in high school and her in the present as she battles her conflicting emotions about her relationship with her former teacher.
"When Strane and I met, I was fifteen and he was 42, a near perfect 30 years between us. That's how I described the difference back then - perfect. I love the math of it, three times my age, how easy it was to imagine three of me fitting inside him: one curled around his brain, another around his heart, the third turned to liquid and sliding through his veins."
The beginning of this book (there are two distinct parts in this book that alternate between chapters; her in 2017 and her in 2000) shows Vanessa looking at a FB post of another victim speaking out about her experience by her former teacher. At first, she blamed it all on the woman. She constantly insisted that it was not her teachers fault, and that she “wanted it”. She begins to apply that to her own experience, reassuring herself that it was love the whole time. But as time goes on, she realizes that she was being impacted of what she thought as a teenager.
“I can’t lose the thing I’ve held on to for so long. You know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.”
More than once I had to put this book down and take a couple of deep breaths. The things that Vanessa went through when she was young are very graphic. She always reassuring that she would stop it if she wanted to, and that she was always in control of the situation despite him barely asking for consent. “I have power. Power to make it happen. Power over him. I was an idiot for not realizing this sooner.” Despite her constantly telling herself this, he ends up infiltrating almost her every thought and action. As she gets older she realizes that the man she thought that loved her took advantage of her. It’s horrific and uncomfortable, and despite this being a work of fiction, men like Strane being able to get away with these kinds of things constantly happens.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially to people who are negatively affected and triggered by the things that happen in this book.