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j_m_alexander 's review for:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
by John Gottman, Nan Silver
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
Super practical, hard to rate sort of book - the most beneficial portions are exercises that you conduct with your partner, operating more in the realm of a work book, so not really to be rated on the same criteria as your literary novels. This is a situation where you can get a lot out of it, but only if you are willing to take the time, be uncomfortable, and have a lot of dialogue with your partner about your relationship (#yougetoutwhatyouputin).
There are quite a few useful nuggets to chew on, that again can seem mundane/simple/obvious, but those are the things that fester, build toward resentment, they often seem small and insignificant in themselves but they can add up, compound and be symptomatic of something bigger. It's worth taking the time and making the effort to better understand what simple things might trip you up, how you and your partner respond during conflict and in turn be mindful of these things when they come up time and again, because they will.
There are quite a few useful nuggets to chew on, that again can seem mundane/simple/obvious, but those are the things that fester, build toward resentment, they often seem small and insignificant in themselves but they can add up, compound and be symptomatic of something bigger. It's worth taking the time and making the effort to better understand what simple things might trip you up, how you and your partner respond during conflict and in turn be mindful of these things when they come up time and again, because they will.
Once you understand this, you will be ready to accept one of the most surprising truths about marriage: Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.
While there things in this book that seem dated, super hetero-normative, there is much to be gleaned from the book if you can read passed those parts. My partner and I took our time with this and I suspect will return to certain sections from time to time, because a relationship does require continuous maintenance and this book provides some easy and interesting entry points to discussion.