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A review by monamd
Shopaholic and Baby by Sophie Kinsella
5.0
SHE’S A YUMMY MUMMY AND WE LOVE HER
************************************************
No way. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself. I’m not going to give up. Maybe my life is in pieces. But I can still be yummy. I’ll be the yummiest bloody mummy-to-be they’ve ever seen.
************************************************
The last thing I want is to upset Luke. He’s been so sweet and loving to me since I’ve been pregnant. Recently I’ve had cravings for all sorts of odd combinations – like the other day I had this sudden weird desire for pineapple and a pink cardigan. And Luke drove me to the shops especially to get them.
************************************************
‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby yet,’ I explain. ‘I didn’t want to jinx it. But if everything looks OK, then I can start this afternoon!’
I feel Luke’s gaze on me and turn to see him regarding me with incredulity.
‘Sweetheart, what do you mean, “start”?’he says.
‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby yet!’I say defensively. ‘You know I haven’t.’
‘So …you haven’t bought a miniature Ralph Lauren dressing-gown?’Luke counts off on his fingers. ‘Or a rocking horse? Or a pink fairy outfit with wings?’
‘Those are for it to have when it’s a toddler,’ I retort with dignity. ‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby.’
************************************************
They say motherhood changes you – and they’re right. For once in my life I’m not thinking about myself. I’m being totally selfless! All this is for my unborn child’s welfare.
************************************************
I only discovered online banking a couple of months ago –and it has so many advantages. You can do it any time of day! Plus they don’t send bank statements out by post, so no one (e.g., your husband) can see them lying around the house.
************************************************
Luke is peering round me. He stares at the statement for a few disbelieving moments.
‘Becky,’ he says at last, ‘does that say “First Cooperative Bank of Namibia”?’
‘Er … yes.’ I try to sound matter-of-fact. ‘I have a small online current account there.’
‘In Namibia?’
‘Don’t get so stressy!’ I say. ‘Why is it such a big deal where I bank? Commerce has gone global, you know, Luke. The old boundaries are gone. If you can get a good rate in Bangladesh, then—’
‘Bangladesh?’
‘Oh. Well … er … I’ve got a bank account there, too. Just a tiny one,’ I add quickly, noticing his expression.
‘Becky …’ Luke seems to be having trouble taking all this in. ‘How many of these online bank accounts have you opened?’
‘Three,’ I say after a pause. ‘About three.’
He gives me a hard look. The trouble with husbands is, they get to know you too well.
‘OK then, fifteen,’ I say in a rush.
‘And how many overdrafts?’
‘Fifteen. What?’ I add defensively.
‘What’s the point of having a bank account if you don’t have an overdraft?’
‘Fifteen overdrafts?’ Luke clutches his head in disbelief. ‘Becky … you are Third World debt.’
************************************************
‘Very nice,’ says Luke, examining it. Then he catches sight of the price tag and blanches. ‘Jesus. You paid that, for a baby sheet?’
‘They’re the best,’ I explain. ‘They’re four hundred thread count!’
‘Does the baby need four hundred thread count? You realize it’ll throw up on these sheets?’
‘The baby would never throw up on a Hollis Franklin sheet!’ I say, indignant. ‘It knows better than that.’ I pat my bump. ‘Don’t you, darling?’
Luke rolls his eyes. ‘If you say so.’
************************************************
This is my favourite bit of every appointment. Lying back, listening to the baby’s heartbeat going ‘wow, wow, wow’ over the fuzzy background noise. Remembering that there’s a little person in there.
************************************************
As I walk along the street towards the house, I see Mum pull up in her Volvo and park, after about eight attempts, a small crash with a dustbin and the help of a lorry driver who gets out of his cab to guide her in.
************************************************
‘Shopping cures morning sickness?’ Noura interrupts. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Whenever I felt sick in the first few weeks, I used to go to Harrods and buy a little something to take my mind off it,’ I explain. ‘It really worked.’
************************************************
But then, what is life without new adventures and new dreams?
************************************************
Maybe I should just forget this whole hospital thing and have the baby in a shop like I always planned. At least I’d feel relaxed and happy. At least I’d get free clothes.
************************************************
There’s nothing like having someone else to hate, to make you forget your problems.
************************************************
Danny’s still staring at my stomach. ‘What if it’s a girl in there? Another little Becky Bloomwood. You better get back to the office, Luke, earn some money. You’re gonna need it.’
************************************************
And for your information, my husband’s company is as strong as ever. Stronger! Luke Brandon has been courted by high-calibre clients all his career, and he always will be. He is a man of immense integrity, talent, intelligence, good looks and … and dress sense.’
************************************************
Luke stares at me for a moment, then gives a sudden snort of laughter.
‘You know something, Becky Bloomwood? You are going to be one hell of a mother.’
‘Oh!’ I colour, totally taken by surprise. ‘Really? In a good way?’
Luke comes across the kitchen and rests his hands gently on my bump. ‘This little person is very lucky,’ he murmurs.
‘Except I don’t know any nursery rhymes,’ I say, a bit gloomy. ‘I won’t be able to get it off to sleep.’
‘Nursery rhymes are overrated,’ says Luke confidently. ‘I’ll read it pieces from the FT. That’ll send it off.’
************************************************
Becky’s instincts match no one else’s. Becky has ideas no one else has. Her mind goes to places no one else’s does. And sometimes I’m lucky enough to go along with her.’ Luke’s eyes meet mine, soft and warm. ‘Yes, she shops. Yes, she does crazy things. But she makes me laugh. She makes me enjoy life. And I love her more than anything else in the world.’
************************************************
But anyway. Some things are best left a blur. Births and Visa bills.
************************************************
My scarf. My precious Denny and George scarf. I still remember the first instant I clapped eyes on it.
‘Hey, look!’ I pull it out, careful not to snag any of the beads. I haven’t worn this for years, either. ‘Remember this, Luke?’
‘Of course I remember!’ Luke’s face softens as he sees it.
************************************************
I put on my new Marc Jacobs coat which Luke got me for Christmas and tie my Denny and George scarf round my neck. I’ve been wearing it all the time since I got out of hospital. Somehow I don’t feel like wearing any other scarf at the moment.
I always knew it would be a good investment.
************************************************
Nonchalantly I flick my hair back. ‘Do you call me … The Girl in the Denny and George Scarf?’
‘No.’ The assistant looks blank. ‘We call you The Girl with the Crappy Pram.’
************************************************
As we walk past the antique shop I catch a glimpse of my reflection and can’t help feeling a tiny jolt at the sight. I’m a mother pushing a pram. Me, Becky Brandon (née Bloomwood), an actual mother.
************************************************
No way. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself. I’m not going to give up. Maybe my life is in pieces. But I can still be yummy. I’ll be the yummiest bloody mummy-to-be they’ve ever seen.
************************************************
The last thing I want is to upset Luke. He’s been so sweet and loving to me since I’ve been pregnant. Recently I’ve had cravings for all sorts of odd combinations – like the other day I had this sudden weird desire for pineapple and a pink cardigan. And Luke drove me to the shops especially to get them.
************************************************
‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby yet,’ I explain. ‘I didn’t want to jinx it. But if everything looks OK, then I can start this afternoon!’
I feel Luke’s gaze on me and turn to see him regarding me with incredulity.
‘Sweetheart, what do you mean, “start”?’he says.
‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby yet!’I say defensively. ‘You know I haven’t.’
‘So …you haven’t bought a miniature Ralph Lauren dressing-gown?’Luke counts off on his fingers. ‘Or a rocking horse? Or a pink fairy outfit with wings?’
‘Those are for it to have when it’s a toddler,’ I retort with dignity. ‘I haven’t bought anything for the baby.’
************************************************
They say motherhood changes you – and they’re right. For once in my life I’m not thinking about myself. I’m being totally selfless! All this is for my unborn child’s welfare.
************************************************
I only discovered online banking a couple of months ago –and it has so many advantages. You can do it any time of day! Plus they don’t send bank statements out by post, so no one (e.g., your husband) can see them lying around the house.
************************************************
Luke is peering round me. He stares at the statement for a few disbelieving moments.
‘Becky,’ he says at last, ‘does that say “First Cooperative Bank of Namibia”?’
‘Er … yes.’ I try to sound matter-of-fact. ‘I have a small online current account there.’
‘In Namibia?’
‘Don’t get so stressy!’ I say. ‘Why is it such a big deal where I bank? Commerce has gone global, you know, Luke. The old boundaries are gone. If you can get a good rate in Bangladesh, then—’
‘Bangladesh?’
‘Oh. Well … er … I’ve got a bank account there, too. Just a tiny one,’ I add quickly, noticing his expression.
‘Becky …’ Luke seems to be having trouble taking all this in. ‘How many of these online bank accounts have you opened?’
‘Three,’ I say after a pause. ‘About three.’
He gives me a hard look. The trouble with husbands is, they get to know you too well.
‘OK then, fifteen,’ I say in a rush.
‘And how many overdrafts?’
‘Fifteen. What?’ I add defensively.
‘What’s the point of having a bank account if you don’t have an overdraft?’
‘Fifteen overdrafts?’ Luke clutches his head in disbelief. ‘Becky … you are Third World debt.’
************************************************
‘Very nice,’ says Luke, examining it. Then he catches sight of the price tag and blanches. ‘Jesus. You paid that, for a baby sheet?’
‘They’re the best,’ I explain. ‘They’re four hundred thread count!’
‘Does the baby need four hundred thread count? You realize it’ll throw up on these sheets?’
‘The baby would never throw up on a Hollis Franklin sheet!’ I say, indignant. ‘It knows better than that.’ I pat my bump. ‘Don’t you, darling?’
Luke rolls his eyes. ‘If you say so.’
************************************************
This is my favourite bit of every appointment. Lying back, listening to the baby’s heartbeat going ‘wow, wow, wow’ over the fuzzy background noise. Remembering that there’s a little person in there.
************************************************
As I walk along the street towards the house, I see Mum pull up in her Volvo and park, after about eight attempts, a small crash with a dustbin and the help of a lorry driver who gets out of his cab to guide her in.
************************************************
‘Shopping cures morning sickness?’ Noura interrupts. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Whenever I felt sick in the first few weeks, I used to go to Harrods and buy a little something to take my mind off it,’ I explain. ‘It really worked.’
************************************************
But then, what is life without new adventures and new dreams?
************************************************
Maybe I should just forget this whole hospital thing and have the baby in a shop like I always planned. At least I’d feel relaxed and happy. At least I’d get free clothes.
************************************************
There’s nothing like having someone else to hate, to make you forget your problems.
************************************************
Danny’s still staring at my stomach. ‘What if it’s a girl in there? Another little Becky Bloomwood. You better get back to the office, Luke, earn some money. You’re gonna need it.’
************************************************
And for your information, my husband’s company is as strong as ever. Stronger! Luke Brandon has been courted by high-calibre clients all his career, and he always will be. He is a man of immense integrity, talent, intelligence, good looks and … and dress sense.’
************************************************
Luke stares at me for a moment, then gives a sudden snort of laughter.
‘You know something, Becky Bloomwood? You are going to be one hell of a mother.’
‘Oh!’ I colour, totally taken by surprise. ‘Really? In a good way?’
Luke comes across the kitchen and rests his hands gently on my bump. ‘This little person is very lucky,’ he murmurs.
‘Except I don’t know any nursery rhymes,’ I say, a bit gloomy. ‘I won’t be able to get it off to sleep.’
‘Nursery rhymes are overrated,’ says Luke confidently. ‘I’ll read it pieces from the FT. That’ll send it off.’
************************************************
Becky’s instincts match no one else’s. Becky has ideas no one else has. Her mind goes to places no one else’s does. And sometimes I’m lucky enough to go along with her.’ Luke’s eyes meet mine, soft and warm. ‘Yes, she shops. Yes, she does crazy things. But she makes me laugh. She makes me enjoy life. And I love her more than anything else in the world.’
************************************************
But anyway. Some things are best left a blur. Births and Visa bills.
************************************************
My scarf. My precious Denny and George scarf. I still remember the first instant I clapped eyes on it.
‘Hey, look!’ I pull it out, careful not to snag any of the beads. I haven’t worn this for years, either. ‘Remember this, Luke?’
‘Of course I remember!’ Luke’s face softens as he sees it.
************************************************
I put on my new Marc Jacobs coat which Luke got me for Christmas and tie my Denny and George scarf round my neck. I’ve been wearing it all the time since I got out of hospital. Somehow I don’t feel like wearing any other scarf at the moment.
I always knew it would be a good investment.
************************************************
Nonchalantly I flick my hair back. ‘Do you call me … The Girl in the Denny and George Scarf?’
‘No.’ The assistant looks blank. ‘We call you The Girl with the Crappy Pram.’
************************************************
As we walk past the antique shop I catch a glimpse of my reflection and can’t help feeling a tiny jolt at the sight. I’m a mother pushing a pram. Me, Becky Brandon (née Bloomwood), an actual mother.