A review by abbie_
A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar by Harry Nicholas

emotional hopeful informative inspiring medium-paced

5.0

Thanks to the publisher & Netgalley for my e-ARC!

I absolutely loved this memoir by Harry Nicholas - an incredibly warm, funny, honest and poignant account of living life as a gay trans man in the UK. Nicholas was adamant on highlighting the joys of being trans, despite alarmingly increasing levels of anti-trans attitudes in the UK right now, and the violences, small and large, trans people are subject to every day. And he definitely succeeds, I loved every second of this memoir, though of course important to remember that this is but one person’s story.

As a cis lesbian, I don’t have that much in common with Nicholas (though at one point he did feel forced into identifying as a lesbian growing up), but I did feel particularly moved by one life experience we shared. Finally accepting that he was gay, Harry broke up with his longterm girlfriend and found himself faced with the daunting task of navigating the queer dating scene alone, which I related to hard. Our experiences then diverge, and I loved the insight into male gay dating culture.

Nicholas raises interesting points about how phallo-centric male gay culture can be (ie dick pics and Grindr) and he’s very open about his worries about how he as a trans man would be accepted into this world. I cheered him on when he worked up the courage to take up space in traditionally cis-male-dominated spaces like gay saunas & the ponds at Hampstead Heath. Trans healthcare is also highlighted - particularly how woefully unprepared & ignorant healthcare professionals can be when faced with trans folk seeking healthcare, especially sexual healthcare.

Ultimately an affirming and hopeful memoir much needed at a time when rising numbers of people, including LGB people, are expressing anti-trans sentiments. I loved this quote ‘It was less about feeling comfortable within ourselves and more about not making others around us uncomfortable. In short, it was about hiding ourselves and our transness for the benefit of cisgender society.’ By the end of the book, Nicholas shares how he’s less concerned now with presenting a certain way or passing as cis - he just wants to be, and that’s all anyone wants!
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