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A review by amywong
Stay with Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
This is quite a difficult book to review partly because I feel many of the conflicts are connected to the culture which makes me uneasy to comment on since I'm not from or familiar with that culture. The other part is that my feelings are all over the place.
In general, the plot itself is hard to read with all the heartbreaks and they're seemingly unending.
To start, Yejide goes through so many losses.She has a mental breakdown believing she's pregnant when she's not preceding the losses from huge cultural pressure to have a baby from literally everyone including her husband. I think she already had poor mental health but the trigger for this delusion was Akin marrying a second wife. She has abandonment issues and loss from her side of the family when her dad dies. He was the closest to her but still hurt her a lot by blaming her, emotionally and verbally, for her mother's death during her birth. And she went through all of this while being pushed to work at her salon through it. Of the characters, I definitely feel for her most but she is certainly not without wrongs. She cheated on her husband and by the end of the affair, she went from remorseful about it to intentionally wanting to hurt him. Though for valid reasons but it doesn't take away that cheating is wrong at the core. Lastly, she ran from being a mother to her third child, Rotimi. Again, I understand her reasoning but it doesn't mean it's right. She was scared of losing another child so she cut off any relationship with her but the amount of pain and lasting effect on Rotimi makes whatever fear she has moot.
Akin is probably in the most wrong. If he just came forward about his impotence none of the losses and relationship strain would have happened probably. But here is where I can't say much. Coming forward about the impotence has a lot of stigma with it. His mother is so traditional she compares Yejide with their half-sibling's wives. She brought in a woman every Monday even during illness to try and convince Akin to take a second wife for 2 years. 2 years. Regardless of their culture, in general, most cultures stigmatize impotence. Reproduction for both men and women takes a huge part in defining a man and a woman. (not even going into the nonbinary here) However, the stigma I get, but he went so far as to convince his brother to impregnate Yejide. That is so beyond. And then he nearly kills him for it. Although, he is aware he was wrong and technically he responded to the fact they continued and had sex when he wasn't aware. Then he accidentally murders his second wife Funmi when she caught onto Yejide's first child couldn't possibly be Akin's because she knows they haven't had sex for months. There really isn't much good I can say about Akin other than he obviously loved Yejide through everything even though he didn't show it well at all. He also saved Rotimi. He genuinely saw all the children as his, he was so proud of being Sesan's father.
I loved all these complexities and how there's no character in the right (in my opinion). They're all very gray and it's the situation that is just a lot and just shitty. My only dislike is the election. I would've just left that out because it's barely there. I think if it was taken out it wouldn't change anything. It was barely even a backdrop. I didn't fully understand the political events going on because there wasn't a lot of information and there wasn't a lot because it wasn't the focus and if Adebayo gave too much political info it would've taken away from the story. It's very nitpicky really. I did love the short stories within the story. Really meta but they had this folklore feel that I loved. It was great as kind of a break from this heartbreaking messy story as well. I'm sure anyone reading this either has a long review like me or will just let out a sigh to unload right after. Just a great story.
"Because sometimes faith is easier than doubt."
In general, the plot itself is hard to read with all the heartbreaks and they're seemingly unending.
To start, Yejide goes through so many losses.
Akin is probably in the most wrong. If he just came forward about his impotence none of the losses and relationship strain would have happened probably. But here is where I can't say much. Coming forward about the impotence has a lot of stigma with it. His mother is so traditional she compares Yejide with their half-sibling's wives. She brought in a woman every Monday even during illness to try and convince Akin to take a second wife for 2 years. 2 years. Regardless of their culture, in general, most cultures stigmatize impotence. Reproduction for both men and women takes a huge part in defining a man and a woman. (not even going into the nonbinary here) However, the stigma I get, but he went so far as to convince his brother to impregnate Yejide. That is so beyond. And then he nearly kills him for it. Although, he is aware he was wrong and technically he responded to the fact they continued and had sex when he wasn't aware. Then he accidentally murders his second wife Funmi when she caught onto Yejide's first child couldn't possibly be Akin's because she knows they haven't had sex for months. There really isn't much good I can say about Akin other than he obviously loved Yejide through everything even though he didn't show it well at all. He also saved Rotimi. He genuinely saw all the children as his, he was so proud of being Sesan's father.
I loved all these complexities and how there's no character in the right (in my opinion). They're all very gray and it's the situation that is just a lot and just shitty. My only dislike is the election. I would've just left that out because it's barely there. I think if it was taken out it wouldn't change anything. It was barely even a backdrop. I didn't fully understand the political events going on because there wasn't a lot of information and there wasn't a lot because it wasn't the focus and if Adebayo gave too much political info it would've taken away from the story. It's very nitpicky really. I did love the short stories within the story. Really meta but they had this folklore feel that I loved. It was great as kind of a break from this heartbreaking messy story as well. I'm sure anyone reading this either has a long review like me or will just let out a sigh to unload right after. Just a great story.
"Because sometimes faith is easier than doubt."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death and Sexism